Missing my beloved

Since i lost my beloved over a year ago I sometimes struggle to get by with my day
I cry once i get home from work . It seems worse at night as i was used to my beloved lying next to me i still struggle to sleep.:disappointed_relieved::disappointed_relieved::disappointed_relieved:

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I know exactly how you feel the evenings and nights are the worst times for me too. I find work a distraction but it’s exhausting to wear the mask . My husband died in may last year and I still cry everyday and feel such deep sadness. You take care x

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I hear your pain. You are not alone, sleep is a big problem for me too. I listen to calming music on Youtube and just leave it playing all night in the background. I average about 4 hours sleep. Once I’m awake I get up. Lying there hoping to nod off again invites stressful thoughts. My Dr is concerned about my lack of sleep and wanted to prescribe sleeping pills, but I said no. Maybe you could try them? There are some herbal ones you can buy in the chemist. Lack of sleep leaves me exhausted and then the sadness comes rushing back into my head. Good luck with it all.

I am not really into mindfulness, but my son recommended an app for me called Medito. It has various sections and one of them is sleep. There are different parts to listen to and it has worked for me, to get me back to sleep. It is very comforting to hear a soothing voice and it usually works for me. There is also a grief section. Anything is worth a try xxx

Thank you very much your advice is really hepful.

People kept telling me to take sleeping tablets and go to your doctor but i didn’t want that as i wanted to grieve in my own way and i still am grieving.

I have a big soft cuddly toy my son bought me . I put it his side of the bed & hug it , pull his pillow down lengthways & lie on it so it feels like his arm’s round my shoulder & my own hand where his would have been on my other arm, although my hand’s the wrong way round from how his would have been, it sort of feels like it used to & helps me sleep How pathetic is that ?
It’s been one year & one month & I’m still completely heartbroken. I cry all the time in private .I feel like I’ve died inside & I’m just this functioning empty shell .Most of the time I struggle to see the point in anything , and yet I keep going like a robot :frowning:

@WelshJenny
You are not pathetic you are just trying to bring yourself some comfort and there is absolutely nothing wrong in that.
Obviously you are still grieving deeply. Have you spoken to a bereavement counsellor or group that could maybe help you.
Do you still see family and friends and if so do you still tell them how you feel or do you put the brave face on that we all tend to do
One day hopefully there will be more and more happiness amongst your sadness.:heart:

Thank you for that,
I can’t keep putting it on my family ,I sometimes feel it’s starting to irritate them a little because they want it to be better but it just isn’t.,so yes I do just say I’m fine .
A bereavement counsellor came round a few months ago (from the hospice people who helped me wash him twice a week for the last couple of months ). She made a second appointment, seemed really nice , and then didn’t turn up & was a bit off on the phone said she’d lost her appointment book & did I really want another visit .I felt as though it was too much trouble for her ,so I just said don’t worry I’m fine .
I can’t see that anything would help anyway ,nothings going to change the fact that he’s dead.
I want to phone my daughterwhen I feel low & she always says I should if I feel mizz, but I know I’ll just grizzle so I don’t, because it’s not fair on her, she’s got children ,work, hubby’s a fireman so enough stress in her life without me wingeing on.
Also I feel guilty that I should have looked after my children & grandchildren better because they were grieving too & miss him too ,but even now I can barely keep myself together most of the time. I know I went to pieces & was completely self absorbed & they were brilliant , it was just almost impossible to deal with the grief it was & is so overwhelming. I seem to have lost the ability to be the strong one ,the mother & grandmother who should be comforting them., all I can do for them , is let them believe I’m okay .

@WelshJenny
Maybe you are so low that you think people are irritated with you but in fact they probably aren’t at all.
Your daughter has said to phone her when you are feeling miserable so you should and listen to her stories of what’s happening in her life with her kids and hubby.
All these things give us something else to think off. It’s doesn’t take your emptiness and loneliness away but it could help on this path we are all on.
You shouldn’t feel guilt about your children and grandchildren. They of course are grieving but it’s a totally different grief for you. The love of your life has gone and they can’t possibly understand how you feel. You have always been there for them but don’t realise that yet because you are devastated by your loss and it clouds our judgement.
Their lives will carry on as before so you need to contact them and like I said find out what they’re up to and get back to living alongside the grief you feel.
If they’re young grandchildren can’t you offer to have them for a weekend n give your daughter n hubby precious time alone. The kids will cheer you up no end. I didn’t think I wanted to bother with my four after John passed 10 weeks ago but I had the 8 year old for a week whilst mum n dad went away and she made me realise the simple joy there is in having a youngster around. She helped me so much but obviously had no idea she did. My other 3 called yesterday with my other son and we sat in the garden along with a friend of mine and we laughed. Afterwards I was upstairs and just a few tears but I can cope with that.
Are there no friends to invite round for lunch or just drinks because you will have moments of laughter and the most precious thing which is talking not just of your loss but many other topics
We all want to cover ourselves in our duvet and shut out our world as it is now but we can’t, we have to carry on and live with the sadness because that’s all we’ve got… :heart:

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Mitzi what a wonderful reply to WelshJenny. I didn’t think it was enough to simply click ‘Like’ and walk on. Your words were speaking to me too. I lost my sister at a time when I was ill, and the two together have floored me. I’m having a duvet day today. Fortunately my GP is being very supportive and has recognised that I need help with both my condition and bereavement. So I’m taking the meds, although I hate it, and will go for the counselling because my little family is bearing the brunt of my inability to cope. I take comfort in reading on these pages how others are dealing with the crippling emotions of grief. Thank you for sharing your ideas.

WelshJenny, you are very much in my thoughts today. Sending you strong vibes that we can and will pull through. Be kind to yourself. xx

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Thank you ,
I’m a bit embarrassed at how desperate I sound reading it back, but it’s nice to have somewhere anonymous to off load & like you say see that you’re not the only one struggling .x

Thanks, yes I do have my grandchildren & go & visit them ,but like you I cry afterwards ,it’s as though it builds up because you know you can’t break down when you have them. I don’t seem to have as much patience as I did d either. He was always the one who would play games etc with them whereas I was always cooking & doing unless we went out for the day. They’re all very much into their technology so it’s hard to motivate them to come out for a walk etc .
I am very lucky ,I live in the most beautiful Welsh rural countryside, I’m retired,I have enough to live in for once in my life . One daughter nearby & the others facetime me regularly & visit when they can. Lovely neighbours too, I can see how lucky I am, but inside I’m sad & weary so much of the time .No-one wants it to change more than me ,but it’s just how it is. Everyone says how well I’m doing, I go out to choir ,play my piano & in my recorder group, paint, sew etc, they’re all pleased for me ,but inside I’m hollow . I don’t think it will ever change, as the queen said the price of great love is great grief.

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