My brother died almost 2 years ago. As children we were very close and only a year apart in age. As adults we were always in touch too and in the last year of his life when he was terminally ill, we were together every day. That last year was so hard, we both knew it was not long until he would die and it was an unpleasant and painful experience for him and in a different way for me. I still miss him every day and I think I always will, but sometimes I get so sad and upset at what I see as the unfairness. I know life isn’t fair and we all die, but he was my young brother and he really was a kind and creative and clever man, a great loss to many. We shared a difficult early family history and I feel no one can understand that now and the effect that has had on us both. I miss his company, his unspoken understanding and most of all I feel lost knowing he is gone.
I am angry at the medical errors and lack of proper care he faced at times and although this probably would have made no difference to the outcome it isn’t right that people have to fight for basic dignity and care.
Most of all I just love him and miss him. There are spells I’m ok and then a night like tonight where I feel raw and hurt as if it was yesterday. This is just how it is. I have a family, I have support and friends, but nothing will ever change this loss.
Hello @robin8,
I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about your brother. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support. In the meantime, you may wish to look at these Sue Ryder resources which might be helpful.
- Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
- Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
- Our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat
- Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through.
You might also want to look at: Sibling loss: Coping with death of your sister or brother | Sue Ryder.
I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care,
Alex
Hi @robin8
I’m so sorry to hear about your brother and I’m sorry for your grief and sadness. My Sister died in December last year after a two year battle with bowel cancer. Like you, I’m so sad and angry at what she had to endure, both physically and emotionally. She was such a kind, good person and I loved her very much. We were best friends and shared everything together. Watching her suffer so much, especially the last few months when she knew what was coming and had no hope left. It was and still is heartbreaking.
I cry every single day, especially at bedtime. She had so much to live for and so many plans with her partner. I’m trying to help my elderly Mum through the grief as she’s struggling. Life can be unbelievably cruel.
I’m sorry I can’t offer any words of wisdom but please know I am thinking of you and your sadness. I hope we both get to a stage where the happy memories help us to leave behind all the sad ones. Please take care. X
Thank you for your kind words. I am so sorry your sister has passed away. Cancer is such a cruel disease and it made me feel helpless. It does help to know that you understand how losing a much loved sibling feels, and the lasting effect of that. X
Hi Robin
It was very hard for your brother and also for you. Still early days. I am sorry for what happened. It was very cruel.
I am glad that you have got family and other support.
Look after yourself
Kind regards
Sue
Thank you SueMa
here I am again in the middle of the night thinking of him. I suppose we all have these days (and nights). I’m not ok but I will be.
Thanks for sending me a message.
Hello
You put it into words so well, what it was like. I cried every day for 2 years after my brother died. I am very sorry for what happened to your sister.
You were obviously very close and it is so hard for you.
Look after yourself.
Kind regards
Sue