I miss my dad I sometimes feel guilty that I didn’t spend enough time with him and do I even deserve to grieve for him I love him very much but we had an up and down relationship I found he could be difficult sometimes but so funny other times it’s hard to explain I’m just sad without him here anymore an so wish I cud hug him and tell him I love him 
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Hi @Flowers1
Thank you for bravely reaching out. I’m so sorry to hear about your dad.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer you their support. In the meantime, you might find these Sue Ryder resources helpful.
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Our Losing a parent page talks through some of the emotions you may be experiencing
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Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
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Our Bereavement Information pages, which can walk you through what you may be experiencing
I know you mentioned that you had an ‘up and down relationship’ with your dad, so it may be helpful to read our page about complicated grief, which explains why you might be feeling a complicated mix of emotions as part of your grief and how you can get support.
I hope you find the community to be a support to you. Take good care and keep reaching out 
Naoise
I’m highly relatable to your words about your loss of your beloved father! Same thing happened in my life lost my father May 2023 but somehow my story about my relationship with father is exact like yours, after losing them now I feels I could have been more closer to him when they were alive ! Sometimes feels guilty and that feeling is unbearable. I’ve always loved them and respected them the most but never were that close to him as I should be it’s bc of their nature and sometimes rude behaviour.
I really miss them and I wish for you too!