Missing my dad.

I’ve never spoken to anyone other than my husband about how I feel so I really don’t know what to say.
My dad passed away in October 2019, I was very close to my dad and I still struggle to come to terms with the fact I will never see his face or hear his voice again.
My dad had a heart attack at the young age of 49, (2009) I found him slumped on the stairs and managed to get him medical help. He was later diagnosed with dilated cardiomyopathy.
In 2014 I was also diagnosed with the same condition. Since my dads diagnosis he had lots of complications over the years. From 2018 until he passed he was admitted to hospital on quite a few occasions sometimes for weeks at a time, I visited every single night with my mam and sat with him, in 2019 he was also diagnosed with kidney failure and some other conditions, in the October my dad was told that there was nothing more they could do for him, he made the decision to go home to pass in his own comfort. On 12th October 2019 myself my husband and our children went to my parents to celebrate our wedding anniversary with them (2 year anniversary 14th October) we left, then 2 hours later we got the dreaded call that my dad had passed. I will never ever forget that phone call. I believe my dad was ready to go, he waited until we had all seen him that day before he went. People say it’s painful to lose someone, I never knew what this meant until we lost my dad! The pain is real! And I feel that pain each and every time I think about him. I went back to my parents house that night and sat with my dad until the undertakers came for him. I visited him at the chapel of rest in the days leading up to his funeral. And I hold a small part of his ashes in a special necklace that I never ever take off. I have a cushion made from his favourite shirt (my children both have cushions made from his Newcastle tops) and I also have a blanket which is a letter from father to daughter that I sleep with every single night. I can’t sleep without it and I feel close to him whenever I hold onto it. I talk about him every single day to my children. I never ever want them to forget him. He was the most amazing grandad and absolutely adored my children. Tomorrow is one of the days I dread the most! Father’s Day! I’m keeping of all social media and trying to stay away from the fuss, however at the same time, make it a nice day for my husband. People say it gets easier over time! However I myself feel like every day is harder than the last.


I lost my Mum suddenly in Oct 2019. My Mum is never far from my thoughts and I’m still grieving heavily. Progess for me feels marginal, but I suppose I do cry less than I did in the first 10 months. I still get over-whelmed by grief most weeks.
Fathers day and mothers day are now for me a painful reminder.
For me, I think it’s going to take me a considerable time to come to terms with the loss. I wonder if I’ll ever come to terms with it.

I lost my Dad over 20 years ago and it did eventually get better. My grief for my Mum has been off the scale, when I compare it to how i grieved for my Dad.
At times, the second years grief has felt much harder, as it’s felt more real and painful.
This is a lovely site. The people on here understand. I hope you find some comfort on here.
Take care

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