Missing my Dad

My father died on August 10th he was 96 . I am having a tough time and feel guilty. He was well on 24th June and only was admitted with a bad back. By 27th June the hospital was calling me in. I found that they had dosed him up with Oromorph and put him alone in a room. I arrived took him in my arms and he recovered. He lived for 6 weeks after this for the 1st 5 days me and my 2 daughters stayed with him round the clock. There is much more to add to this story but ultimately he died of hospital aquired pneumonia. If he hadn’t been addmitted he would still be here. He had no Dementia or Alzheimer’s, no cancer, no arthritis. He was amazing for his age. Hospital was horrible all I wanted was for him to come home but they would not allow it. I am so sad to the point I dont think I can go on. His death was not easy to watch and I wasn’t with him for the end.

Dear Janice
I am so sorry for your loss of your dad
I can understand your anger
My mum walked into an ambulance I held her hand told her that I loved her she said ‘I know hen’
That was the last time she ever spoke
We rushed to the hospital to meet a Dr that told us she was in a coma !!
Like you I don’t want to get into it but that Dr should of been stuck off
Our mum was moved to another hospital where she stayed in a coma for a week we had to argue with them to give our mum a chance ~ which they did for 1 week
It took her 13 hours to die after they had switch off her breathing machine
I do feel when you get over a certain age hospitals think you have had a good life so they don’t want to waste money on them

Please do not be hard on yourself you were there to help your dad when he needed it
You loved him and he loved you
And nobody can take that away from you
Life is too short none of us know what is round the corner
I know this not only did a loose my mum but also my husband my dog (who was my baby ) all within 18 months of each other
I have been so so angry with the world
But that feeling does not take away the grief or heartache
I tell myself my mum and husband would hate me to be feeling like this

You have 2 daughters that love you and loved their grandad
You all need each other to get through this
It will take time
You will never be the same as when you have loved someone so much that heartache never leaves you
But day to day your body does get stronger
Month to months you learn to live your life - which is different
I was told live your life and they can see it through your eyes which is a nice thought

Honestly though it is hard and 3 years after my husband dying he would of been 53 my mum 72 I still find it hard

I just wanted to let you know your not alone feeling like you do

Sending my love

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Thank you so much for taking the time to write these kind words. I like you think they have no interest in you when you get to a certain age. This causes me so much anxiety, as I was brought up to have faith in the NHS system. Sadly not anymore. Im so sorry for your losses. I hope I will feel better one day. Every day is a challenge my goal to keep as busy as possible not to think about it. I truly loved him so much. I never thought he would ever go but being realistic he was 96. Still the circumstances surrounding his last few weeks should never have happened.
Sending you my warmest thoughts X

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