Hi,
I lost my dad 4 weeks ago after a short battle with cancer. I am feeling so lost and alone. I get married next year and just thinking of having that day without him is killing me. I would do anything to just have one more day and I know that’s not possible but I just feel so unsure of what life even means now. Sorry if that sounds ridiculous, it’s just suddenly really hit me.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I know there’s nothing that can bring your dad back, and I’m sure it’s not the start of married life you’d envisaged…. But he’s there, looking over you both…. They say strong couples weather storms and it’s going to be a test for you as a couple.
Hi Becky,
It doesnt sound ridiculous.
I am sorry about your Dad.
I don’t have any wise words, but just to say that you are not alone in some of what you are feeling. Though I know everyone experiences things differently.
I lost my dad recently, it all seemed to happen so fast and suddenly so much is different. Thinking of some future moments without him is hard. I think it’s still sinking in.
I am trying to take things a week at a time.
Whether it’s posting on this forum, talking to people you know or the available support phone lines, if you want to message or chat, I’m sure there’ll be folk to listen/support.
Hi Becky,
I’m sorry for the loss of your Father.
I lost my own father on 15th November, eight weeks after a cancer diagnosis. When I found out dad was ill I took time off work and moved in with my parents to provide care and support. I feel like I stepped out of my old life and into a new one and now he has gone and I am struggling to process the loss and how quickly it happened.
I feel like I have lost my compass in life and I have no idea what my life looks like or even means anymore. I keep thinking about all the moments that dad won’t be here for and i feel so sad and angry. I am going to try and focus on just getting through each day although my mind seems to reach for everything he will miss out on.
I am sorry for the loss of your father too @Katherine86.
Your post really resonated with me as well, particularly the last two sentences of both paragraphs.
I am trying to let myself feel sad for my dad and me that he wont be around with us for some things, but also (try to) think of how glad i am for the time we had before, and moments he was there for. I miss our phonecalls , even if we mostly talked about everyday things nothing much.
I guess it will take some time for us all to process what has happened and get our heads around it. As you say, we can focus on getting through each day or week - and try to look after ourselves.
Are any of you up to much over the weekend?
Weather poor here so going to maybe do some housework/admin stuff and probably watch some tv or read.
Hi Forestcat,
Thanks for your sharing about your father. I think being grateful for the time that you had with your dad is really important. I feel so fortunate that I had my dad for 36 years although I would have done anything to have more time with him. I hope the memories bring comfort in time (dad said they would).
I have been trying to support my mum and we are working through mundane things like jobs that need doing around the house, organising and lots of admin which was important to my dad. Dad always made sure everything was in order. Doing these little things makes me feel closer to him as he told me to keep my feet moving and to look after mum and I know he would like me being productive.
I find the moments where it hits me out of nowhere that dad is no longer here and won’t be here again hard to deal with. It keeps catching me off guard everytime it happens which is several times a day and it feels very raw.
Wishing everyone a peaceful evening.
Hi @Katherine86
Sorry for the slow reply since the last post.
I like your Dad’s advice to ‘keep your feet moving’.
I’ve been trying to do a bit of that. At times it has been a good distraction for short spells. Then as you say sad thoughts hit out of nowhere. Some times I am able to let them pass over me (numb) other times end up in tears.
I think its started sinking in. I miss calling my Dad and I think of things i would have spoken to him about or sent him a picture of.
I saw your other post about how you’ve been feeling and wanted to say that I can relate to what you’ve written. I hope time will help us find things less painful, perhaps things that arent helping right now may do at some point.
Like for you, it all happened quickly. I cant properly get my head around it yet. I’ve never tried counselling before but i am thinking of trying to line up someone to talk to. I think it might help me process things and be an outlet. Or maybe the online sue ryder counselling.
Sending best wishes.
Hi Forestcat,
Thanks for your response.
I also can relate to what you have said. I have found that keeping myself busy can be a distraction but then the feelings of sadness, anger and guilt hits. This happens at various points thought the day and evening.
I have never lost anyone this close to me before and I think part of the struggle is that i wasn’t able to fix the situation that dad was in. I feel like I am the type of person that likes there to be processes, actions and solutions and it feels like I am in freefall with no idea of what life will look like now or if I will recover from the loss.
I reached out to a councillor when dad was diagnosed but didn’t pursue it as he deteriorated so rapidly. After dad passed away I contacted them again and I have had two sessions so far. I have no idea how beneficial it will be but it has taken a bit of pressure off to know that I have an outlet. I have been glad to spend the hour talking about dad with someone who isn’t closely involved.
Sending good wishes. Take care.
Hi @Katherine86
Sorry i thought I had replied to you before, but I must have only thought about doing it.
Yes I agree, i think if you are a practical problem solving person its hard to not be able to fix things or see what to expect from the path ahead to be able to pla.
People talk about taking things step by step or one day at a time and i guess that makes sense.
Thanks for speaking about chatting to a councillor. I think once Christmas is past i’ll give that a try myself and see how it goes.
Take care