Missing my Dad

Losing a parent
#1

I recently lost my Dad in October and it has completely broken me. I find it so hard to continue without him. I am also a carer for my mum who has Parkinson’s Disease. We all lived together and in the last 6 months of my Dads life i cared for him too. I was by his bedside in hospital for his last 22 hours watching him die. These are the scenes i can’t un see from my mind. Watching him deteriorate until he was unresponsive plays back everyday. I can see him looking at me and his eyes were so wide with fear. I went to visit him in the chapel of rest to see if it would help me. But I’ve processed that and that doesn’t give me issues. I went to the doctors yesterday and he said I’m dealing with trauma and need help to process that last day. I feel so sad and down and me and my dad were a great team together and i just want to be with him. I’m not suicidal but grief is crap and I’ve never in my life been in so much pain of loss. He died of multiple organ failure and frailty he was 78.

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#2

Hello @Kate14,

I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling completely broken. I’m so sorry to hear about your Dad and the trauma that you suffered during those final 22 hours. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,

Alex

#3

Thank you for the reply, Grief is hard having a bad day today. I’d give anything in this world to see and speak to my Dad again. Really can’t imagine my life without him. It’s 3 months already since he passed and it still feels like yesterday. I’m not the person i was I’ve shut myself away and see everybody enjoying their lovely life. My Dad was my world and my hero. The pain of loss is the worst I’ve ever been through. This has completely floored me …

#4

I’m so sorry to hear this. I lost my dad on 4th December it still hasn’t sunk in not sure when it will. It is hard xx

#5

Thank you parents are so special and to lose them is the most painful feeling in the world. I have no husband or kids so feel total alone. X

#6

Yeah they really are I completely agree. It is hard every day, I feel my dad is with me every day and when I get upset I can hear him telling me not to cry of sadness just happy times. I speak to him every day and that helps me. I know the grief is hard but don’t ever feel you are alone. X

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#7

I question myself as will i ever feel any better. I have no purpose in life. I have no husband and no kids. I just want my Dad. I do need to process that last day of watching him die as the trauma is really making me struggle. Not happy and don’t think I ever will be again.
Grief is crippling I’d rather face anything than this. I know i have had 51 years with him but you want them for ever. I’m shutting myself away from friends, and life. I’m here to care for my mum but my life is just non existent …

#8

I can understand that Im caring for my mum too. Had 45 years with dad he had a heart attack in April then had cancer which he died off. Like you it was awful to see and not fully processed even though we collected his ashes today heartbreaking but not sinking in. I don’t know the answer but all I know is for my dad I’m really going to try my hardest for him in everything I do. Sometimes it’s gets so much it’s like I can feel my heart is broken. Try and speak with just one friend and try and do something that you used to enjoy with your dad.

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