God bless you all , I’m so sorry for all of your sad losses, my son Christopher passed away june2019 of a very rare form of bone marrow failure, he spent 5 months in addenbrokes isolation ward then two weeks in intensive care , when he did get out we had to go back 3 times a week for platelets blood and magnesium. He was due for his second transplant, He eventually had a bleed they couldn’t stop due to his lack of playlets, I laid on the bed and held him in my arms while he passed away, I have never felt a pain like it , he was so brave and and always said he was scared of leaving his young son, my heart and eyes cry for him every day, and my mind things of him every minute, but thank god he left us his wonderful little son he is a fantastic little boy, daddy would be so proud, bless all of you and your passed loved ones xxx
Dear friends , I hope you are all having a decent day.
Myself I have been a bit tearful but I put pen to paper and wrote a little poem. It’s not going to win any prizes but it sums up all our feelings I reckon.xx
How long will this pain last
I grieve every hour for her past
For the baby,child, young woman she was
A mother a lover, a sister, our daughter
To feel her skin and look into her eyes
One more minute to have her in our lives
To hold her close just one more time
I would give my life for that.
We are here to live without her
To nurture our grandchild to be like her
So strong she was in every way, so happy with her lot every day
No complaints from her about her health
She just lived in the minute, it was just her way
We are all left to carry on, we miss her so much, sometimes we feel we cant go on
But Lisa was a fighter from day one.
She left us all with clear instructions, we are working through them one by one.xx
That Is so beautiful it came right from your heart , your daughter sounds like a wonderful strong and brave young lady , , our grandchildren we keep us going , just look into your granddaughters eyes and you will see your daughter, I see my son in my grandson, I hold him close all the time it makes me feel close to Chris , xxx
Thankyou my love. I will. Some days are better than others!xxx
I feel your pain and heartbreak. My husband John and I have lost our 2 children. After many miscarriages I held a pregnancy to 8 months but sadly Emma Louise was born still on June 25,1993. We were devastated.
Two years later we were blessed with the birth of our daughter Laurel Hope 2 years later almost on the same birthdateJune 27,1995. She was very healthy and beautiful.
Unfortunately Laurel died on 10/20/18 after taking what she thought was a lortab she bought on the street for tooth pain but was actually pure fentanyl . My only child - gone . The beautiful , smart, compassionate , creative young woman who became engaged the night she died. So like you I feel devastated , cheated and rutterless. I had no idea how much we pin our hopes and dreams on our children but they are our hope for the future.We are pulled , hopeful and dream filled into that future by watching our children grow and develop and become the people they aspire to be . It’s wondrous and magical . I love my husband but just loving him is somehow not enough. We both feel lost . He throws himself into his work and is pretty shut down unable to talk much about our loss and his feelings around our grief . I feel pretty alone . Even going to the support groups isn’t enough to help me feel better. “ “They “ day time will help to soften the edges perhaps it is so but this second year without her feels sharper in my grief and just sadder and more profound .Its made more searingly painful as most of our friends are walking their twenty somethings down the aisle a much expected milestone ritual that I will never experience . To compound it my friends are also becoming grandparents and while I do find it a happy joyous time and I can rejoice with them as they share stories and photos , I am deeply saddened for me as I will never be a Grandmother as I had hoped for . People who have other children still have other children to love , other children to walk down the aisle, and a good chance of creating fun memories with their grandchildren. Life is forever a bitter - sweet experience . Compound that with the loss of friends who for whatever reason cannot be with me and keep company and support have stopped calling . I have a very small handful who can sit with me , hear my cries and offer authentic comfort . Others judge me and think as one said that I am “ dwelling” too long in my grief and should be doing” better” or st least happier in their estimation. Society in general expects this if me . So I “ put on a “ happy” Im ok “ facade to the world when I go out in it . But here in my house or support group I can be real , I can be the heartbroken , crippled , sad to my core grieving mother . It’s a cruel dance . So , those of us who have lost our only children do have a different I believe more acute pain - we have lost our hope into the future. Thank you for listening .
I can feel your pain. I cant imagine how hard it must be for you to lose both your children and specially in these tragic circumstances. Yes, we all feel a very different pain with losing our children, its 7 months since our beautiful Lisa passed away but we are fortunate to have a wonderful little granddaughter who brings light into the darkest days.
She is coming over today for a sleepover which she loves.
Although my heart is broken I can get through this because of little Brooke. Our elder daughter too is heartbroken but finds being with her little niece as often as she can is helping her deal with the loss of her little sister.
It’s so difficult for others to understand, that’s why they expect us to ‘move on’ but we will never do that, its impossible and we will always be this way.
I will be thinking of you today and sending love and strength to you.
Take care.
Kate xx
What an amazing woman you are and how profound your words. Unfortunately I have no pearls of wisdom but feel your pain with you in the hope that it eases your pain. We lost our only beautiful daughter 16 months ago and the only thing I can concentrate on is breathing in and out. Life is very hard and I try to see all the hurt women I meet as my daughter in the hope of easing someone else’s pain. Look after yourself and know that some of us share your sorrow. I don’t know about religion or God or anything else but I do know that we are all connected in some way as humans just trying to survive
Take care xx
Dear Mauri
I totally get every word you write- I understand all of those emotions. Our daughter was our entire future- she was all we thought about and looked forward to. She should have been 21 this coming June and should have been graduating in July. We also will never get to enjoy all those special moments with her or get to watch her marry or become grandparents. It feels like everything we dreamt of has been smashed to pieces and we feel so utterly lost.
I do have lovely family and friends and they have been supportive and helpful, but I know it’s still early days and I know I’m never going to be the person I was before this happened - how could I be- I’ve lost a huge part of me - the best part of me! I just hope they understand this and don’t expect me to " get over it" .
I loved being Caitlin’s mum - she was such a joyful soul and we were so very close. I miss her every second of every day and spend most of the time feeling pure despair that we have lost our beautiful girl. I know the grief we feel at the loss of a child is the same no matter how many children we have, but when it’s your only child it’s the loss of your entire future and having no child left to live for which feels so overwhelming and impossible. The future has totally dissolved and we are left with nothing.
Sending you hugs xxx
I too am feeling really down at the moment. Two years and two months after my beautiful daughter Mandi died, my brother has died of pancreatic cancer, I have lost 3 family members in 5 years. Sometimes the future seems unbearable.
Hello, gina,
I do sympathise and understand, I am old now (80) however I have lost 3 people, within a short space of time. My GP told me that at my age, it is to be expected, I really feel for you, and looking into the future seems so dark.
Take care,
MaryL x
Caitlins Mom- I walk in your shoes . Everything you shared is what I am also feeling . I too feel like our future is gone . We live for our children . Our beloved daughters were pulling us into the future as we watched them grow and develop . All those hopes and dreams they had and we had for them are gone . No grandchildren is just one loss . The magnitude of all the losses with their untimely deaths is huge . I know our grief is different from the grief of others who still with other children may have the hope the chance the possibilities for grandchildren and the joy of watching their other children grow and develop. What a wonderful joyous distraction to watch and participate in your children’s lives and the lives of grandchildren. You and I will never experience this . We are left with only the photos and memories . There is no hope for a future. I volunteer , I go to plays and book groups . Nothing , nothing I do will ever fill the hole in my heart and soul. I understand why the future for us feels desolate . I hope as we travel forward in our journey we find comfort and some lessening of this crushing sadness .I have a few close friends ( not family surprisingly) who can hear my sobs and accept me right where I am . If I were more religious that might comfort me too but I don’t at this time . I hope you have some people in your life who can allow you to be real , your authentic self and enfold you in comfort . Peace to you .
I am so sorry for all your losses. The second year out from losing your child is known to be the more grief stricken and searing then the first year . People told me that who had been there but I did not believe them . Now I do ! I’m starting my second year out and the shock and denial are gone . I’m taking it a day at a time , getting help and support from an excellent grief counselor , and 2-3 friends who are able to support me . I hope you can take care of yourself, find help and comfort from a few caring people or more if you have a larger support system . Be kind and gentle with yourself . This is a very challenging time in your grief journey . Peace and comfort be yours as you
navigate your grief journey .
So sorry G. - for your multiple losses . I was responding to you but it ended up as M _> C . So scroll down and read M-> C it was meant for you . I hope you seek out a support group and a grief counselor . Both can really help when the losses are overwhelming .
Thank you Mauri xxx
We are all here dear friends. The pain is so bad nobody who hasn’t experienced it can understand.
It doesn’t heal with time because it’s all in the wrong order.
The time makes it worse. The missing, the memories every which way in everything we do.
Thinking of you.
Kate xx
Thanks you Kate - it’s so true- it’s not a matter of getting better we can never get better from this and I think you have to have gone through this to understand that fact, take care xxx
Bless you all , my dear son Chris passed away in June last year ,although he left us with a wonderful grandson to cherish he is the one thing that keeps me going he talks about his daddy all the time, I feel so sad Chris will never see him grow up , he loved him so much , ,it has been so hard with out him l have gone between anger , sadness, disbelief, and pain , everyone is carrying on as normal when all you want to do is scream , I see him everywhere I go and hear his voice all the time , thinking of you all xxx
So true. Our lost children are everywhere in everything we do and everywhere we go. I see Lisa when I am driving, seeing her happy little face as we passed on the road. Pulling onto the car park in the woods where she would walk the dog. Passing the farm she used to get real milk in gladd bottles and home made ice cream.
The wedding venues I would be with her to help.
The flowers on sale in Tesco for valentine’s. As a florist we worked together and it was such a close time for us. She was amazingly talented and taught me so much.
I see her in everyday things but cant reach her or touch her again.
Our hearts will never be fixed but I guess we just have to get along the best we can like a car with a flat tyre. We will get there but its going to be a bit bumpy and wobbly.
Kate xxxxx
What a lovely poem and tribute for your beloved daughter . Heartfelt and filled with love . Thank you for sharing it .
So desperately sorry for your loss, I hope you find some comfort and kindness from this online community x