Tonight I can’t stop crying about my beautiful husband who died very suddenly in February 1st this year. He was my soul mate, my everything, and I can’t get over his loss even though I am doing more with friends and family. Everything is where he left it in my house. I miss him so much and grief is unbearable.
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AmanD - I get it. We are all here with you in this miserable state in which we find ourselves. There are no rules, no timelines, grief is unique toe ach of us and all we can say is that we are sorry and give you some suggestions as to how we handle this life that was thrust upon us.
I live each day hour by hour. Numb and emotionless, I move around in a fog and like a zombie, but I make a list of 5 things to do each day and get them done.
I had to move my husband’s things out of my sight in our bedroom, living room, kitchen, bathroom, den. I just couldn’t see it left where it was placed by my husband - as if he were coming back to pick up his things.
He isn’t Ever. It is a reality that I haven’t been able to accept. Just typing it makes my skin tingle and I get hot as if I am about to faint.
Perhaps you could put away 5 things of your husband’s each day or make a decision to give away 5 things to family, friends, or the charity shop. Three boxes: keep; toss; and, donate. When the donate box is full, put it in the trunk (boot) of you car and get it out of your sight. When you get 2 filled donate boxes, take them to the shop. Dump the things you will toss. Leave the keep box as a memory box that you can open later and may find that it needs additional editing.
Cry until you can’t anymore. Then wash your face, put cool wet cloths on your eyes and rest. There is nothing wrong with a widow mourning her husband. The old folks used to have a year of mourning where no one expected them to be like their old self and they were allowed to grieve. They knew we wouldn’t be okay for a long time and a year is a good starting point for the next phase of this journey.
Give yourself some slack. Not every day will be okay. Some days will suck the life out of you. Other days you will feel almost normal.
But, you are still standing. Put on Elton John’s record of same and sing along - loudly. Scream it.
It will pass until the next time you melt. There will be more time between the melt downs.
You will make it. We all will.
Much love.
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So sorry for your loss. I too lost my soul mate 18 months ago and it still hurts so much these days. I miss him every single day and love him even more now than ever.
Sending hugs & strength X
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Oh @AmandD it’s ok to still feel so awful. I had a bit of a meltdown last night and just sobbed for hours. My husband died in March and I feel like I’m back to square one - I’ve been getting better at pushing it all down and doing more but the reality is never seeing him again just feels like too much to bear.
I still have the majority of his things around me - I’ve sorted a few things but mostly they give me comfort and I’m often picking up his jackets to wear out when I walk the dog. My kids do the same and don’t want me to get rid of them - it just gives us a sense of closeness I think - but everyone just needs to do what’s right for them.
It’s so hard. It’s so painful. The awful price for such great love.
Be kind to yourself and just take one day at a time.
Sending some love and strength xx
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roni52 I completely understand how you feel. My beloved partner died suddenly in April and I had a complete meltdown last week which lasted a few days and took me by surprise. I think in the early months the shock somehow protects you, but once that wears off you are left with the stark reality of it all.
Still just surviving a day at a time. After all there’s no rush to do anything and I still have all his things here. I find it a comfort.
Sending love and strength xx
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Thank you for your replies. So lovely to hear back from you all. I feel your pain. I said goodbye to my husband, he waved me off on the doorstep as I went to work, and spoke to him at lunchtime. At 2.30 the police arrived with devastating news. The hospital tried all they could but could not save him. I agree with being in shock for the first few months, plus paralysing grief and now the reality of never seeing my husband again is hitting so very hard. I’m sending you all my thoughts and a virtual hug X
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6 months ago I had no idea that, a couple of weeks later, I was suddenly, in a matter of minutes, to become a widow. I had never given a thought as to what that might be like. I thought my husband would outlive me … he was so active and robust. I miss him dreadfully and find the evenings without him so lonely and empty and I desperately long to be with him again. It is horrible to suddenly be alone after being married for over 45 years. I can see that we are all going through the same kind of heartache. Its good that we can share our grief and draw some strength from each other, knowing that we’re not alone…
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@Lydia2 that makes sense that we try to draw strength from each other.
I thought I’d been coping a bit better, but really I’m just pushing it down better.
It’s a choice for me, as I need to be here and able to function for my kids, especially my youngest who is just 16 and finding it so hard without her dad.
On the days I feel really sad or lost I come back on here. I wasn’t quite sure why but now that makes sense, and I suppose it’s trying to find a reassurance that I’m not going completely crazy and that I’m not alone in feeling this way.
Sometimes I find it hard to comprehend that I was completely oblivious to the depth of loss that people carry with them.
I am in awe as to how they have (mostly)all managed to keep going over millennia and in some way gives me a bit of hope that we can get there at some point too.
Sending strength and virtual hugs to all struggling this evening xx
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Thank you. It seems like those posting on this thread have lost husbands/partners very suddenly. Maybe thats why we sometimes feel that we are going crazy. It’s so difficult to get your head around such sudden loss. How can that be. It doesn’t make sense. I became very angry last night that we hadn’t been given any warning as I’m sure that what happened to my husband could have been prevented.
I’m so sorry to read that your kids are so young. It must make it even harder that they have lost their Dad far far too soon. My heart goes out to you and others in similar situations.
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I agree, sudden loss is a really awful thing to experience. I feel the same about my lovely husband and such guilt: sis I fail to notice something was wrong, should I have insisted on more regular check ups as my husband got older. But, he was fit, exercise and had just been skiing with friends before he passed away. Just so hard to get your head around. It’s utterly shocking and heartbreaking. I’m struggling to find bereavement groups to talk in person to others suffering the same. Any ideas anyone? I live in Essex. Thank you, your posts are creating a community I can’t find in my area. Hugs all, I’m thinking of you.
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My husband passed away 8 weeks ago. I am struggling so much, I had put lots of photos of him on a wall and had his ashes nearby. But I had to take the photos down for now at least and move the ashes. It was too painful, too raw. I’ve donated his walker etc I couldn’t look at them. The car has gone, I will never drive it and I used to just stand and stare at it as though willing him to be behind the wheel. My life is now totally empty we only had each other.
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Hi @Lost12, I am truly sorry for your loss. I am now at 28 weeks since losing my husband and soulmate, and I wish I could tell you it gets easier. Some days are better than others though, and I hope it helps you to know we are all going through this unbearable pain together… sending you love x
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Thank you, I’ve had to come out of the cafe I go to every morning at 7.30am to get out of the house, because I’m crying so much. Just sitting on the market square crying
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I am struggling to find bereavement groups in my area too. I really need to be with actual people, being so on my own, having no family I desperately need to find a group
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Please don’t feel you’re alone in this. I’ve cried constantly for months. I’ve gone out for walks and cried all the way home. It just takes one thought about my husband and the future we’ve lost to set me off. I try not to think about it, and concentrate on the years we had together instead and how lucky we were to have such a good relationship, but that just makes me feel all the more sad 
my heart goes out to you… you have to let the tears out.
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I can’t hold them in, some take comfort from being in the same house. I don’t get any comfort from it, I feel it’s like a knife turning in a open wound being at home. Home is where he would be. I don’t know if I will be able to stay there at the moment I don’t know how I’ll be later today. Thank you for your reply
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