Missing my hubby

Hi All,

I sadly lost my hubby last week after a short but brave battle with mesothelioma. I’m really missing him, not being able to just chat with him, have a cuddle or message on the phone…we haven’t had the funeral yet and I don’t know how I’m going to cope with that. It was just him and me at home as our son is married and lives down south, so the house seems empty and so quiet. My hearts broken :broken_heart:

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Hello Debs109,

I’m so sorry to hear of the very recent passing of your hubby. I am really pleased you have posted on the forum, and am confident our lovely members will respond and be able to offer support and comfort to you.
If ever you feel you might need a little extra support, please know we are here for you. Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: www.sueryder.org/counselling.
Please continue to post on here, and hopefully we can help in some way, to ease your broken heart.

Take care,
Online Community Team

You will still be in a state of shock please take one day at a time cry shout whatever is needed to get through that day.
Be kind to yourself eat small amounts at least twice a day and drink plenty of water, sleep if you can but I couldn’t sleep for two weeks after losing my partner.I eventually contacted my GP who prescribed some tablets and arranged counselling.
I am now seven weeks in I still sob uncontrollably but have periods where I am calm.
Everyone on this site understands your pain I lost my partner to covid on a ventilator in just 27 days, it is unimaginable that our lives can be turned upside down in the most tragic way.

My thoughts are with you,


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@Debs109 . So sorry for your loss . I also lost my husband from the same disease in December 2020. He was diagnosed in the November and passed away four weeks later. He was a retired fireman and the inquest was in March . The conclusion was industrial related . So ironic that he died from the job he loved doing.

It’s been fourteen weeks for me . He wasn’t ready to go and was enjoying life very much . The coroner said if it’s any consolation that it’s better that he didn’t suffer for too long and I have to hold that thought in my head to keep going x

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Thank you so much for your lovely words. It’s comforting to know others feel the same way. I’m so sorry for your loss, how you explained things made total sense to me and I’m grateful for that.
Covid certainly has a lot to answer for, it’s terrible that your partner lost her life through it, it’s made the whole journey of this so much harder.
I don’t know about you but It’s much harder on a night when your alone with your thoughts…why has this happened, why him, why us?
People are saying time is a healer but it definitely seems so raw at the moment.
Thanks again Quarterman, my thoughts are also with you.


KimG, thank you so much for your lovely reply. Mesothelioma is a horrible disease, it certainly doesn’t discriminate or take it’s time.
That’s one consolation we can take from this, our husbands didn’t suffer a long time, that was one thing my hubby certainly didn’t want.
I still have to go through the inquest with the coroner, I’m not really sure what happens there, did you attend? Hope you don’t mind me asking.
I find myself really angry with the disease, my hubby was only 58, too young, we had so many plans. It’s very hard.
My thoughts are with you, thanks for taking the time to answer it means a lot.

@Debs109 . We couldn’t believe how quickly it took over . He had a flu jab and that’s when he started to have breathing problems . From then he was diagnosed with Mesothelioma.My husband was 64 and had been retired for nine years . I had to write a statement from the beginning to the end which was difficult because you have to re live every moment but I knew it had to be done so I found the strength to do it. I didn’t want to attend but I was told I also had the option of watching via video link . I couldn’t bring myself to watch that either . My husband had two sons from his previous marriage and they chose to watch by the link . They let me know the outcome afterwards . I only received the death certificate a week ago and he passed on the 12th of December . In the meantime I used the interim cert to sort everything out .

I know due to covid there were restrictions about attending, but not sure if that has changed now . My husband’s hearing was on the 10th of March x

Dear KimG and Debs109

I am so sorry that you have both lost your husbands.

My husband died in a road traffic accident in September. He had only a few months earlier turned 60. I do not have a date for the inquest as yet but I have decided not to go. The details will be too much. We did not have a Will so I have to wait for the inquest to complete before I can apply for probate - so very little sorted. I had to provide a statement of what I knew of my husband’s movements on the day and his motorbike history - all too much as I hated the bike but we had spoken earlier in the day. It was extremely painful having to recount our last conversation. The day my husband died haunts me mostly at night.

Again sorry that you both find yourselves on this painful journey.

Take care.

Dear @Sheila26

Thank you for your kind message . So sorry for your loss too . It must of been heartbreaking for you . I did put off writing the statement for a few weeks until I found a strong day . On the day I felt I had let him down by not attending but then I thought he wouldn’t want me to be upset or to go through that .

Not only do you go through your loss , but then you have to go through an inquest as well, which is always at the back of your mind until the day of the hearing .

Our journeys are heartbreaking but so glad we can all communicate on this site and talk to people who genuinely understand x

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Dear Sheila26,
Thank you for your lovely words, so very sorry for your loss, it’s no consolation but we are all going through the same thing.
My hubby’s inquest hasn’t happened yet and I’m very unsure about it. But hearing your two stories it has helped.
I’m pleased we can all chat on here.
Thank you all

Much love :two_hearts:


I am so sorry for you all . I am just lost without my Richard . I spent 5 days in hospital with him as he gradually died and it’s the worst thing I have ever gone through . I get so angry when people say “ I know how you feel - I lost my mother / father recently . “ I have lost both parents and of course it’s a very difficult thing but it’s nothing like the intensity of losing a partner you shared every moment with . Mx


Michellep33, so sorry for your loss.

It is an intense grief when you lose your hubby, you spend all your time with them, every night they are there, but when they suddenly aren’t it’s a big shock, a big void. I know what you mean about the anger, you are not alone there. It does help to talk though.
It’s only been just over a week for me, and I miss Jeff so terribly.

My thoughts are with you :two_hearts:

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Dear Debs109

Thank you so much for your reply . I’m so sorry for you - one week is so soon . I feel that no one can understand unless they have suffered the same loss . My partners brothers and sisters keep saying how they know how I feel but it’s not the same . The place on the couch where he would be sitting , the way I cook , so the laundry , shop etc - everything has changed . It’s so very hard but it helps knowing there are people who understand the same loss even though I am so very sorry you do .


Dear Michellep33,

Thanks for replying. I too know what you mean, his brother is the same saying he doesn’t know how to cope and he feels my pain, but he really can’t. Like you say that spot on the sofa, that space in the bed…only 1 cup for a coffee, having the remote to yourself and shopping is so different. It’s all the little things too…how can they know this pain? We were with our hubby’s 24/7…they saw them maybe once or twice a month, it doesn’t compare. It makes me angry.
Thank goodness we can vent here and be heard by others who know exactly how we feel. Xx


Richard still has programs auto recording and I so know what you mean about the remote - I rarely could get hold of it and now I’d gladly never touch it again if I could have him back . It really helps having someone who understands so thank you again for your message .

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It’s just the little things isn’t it?
Just seeing his shoes and slippers in the hallway, his toothbrush in the bathroom…heartbreaking.
I know what you mean about the auto recordings , he recorded the new series of the forgotten I think it’s called was going to watch it all in one go…now he will never see it :broken_heart:
This does help :blush::rose:


Hi Debs

So glad you understand - no one else does . It’s everything - My partner loved boxing and he was so waiting for a certain fight which was just announced and now he will never see it . Then there was the census and it ripped my heart out just putting me . We have no children and I feel so lost that our whole life together is gone . I can see you understand - I hit so upset in Sainsbury’s that the offers they sent me were all things I used to buy for him . No one else can get that a x


Oh the census…having to put widow…it made me sob​:cry::cry:…I’m the same we never had children unfortunately we couldn’t, so it literally is just me.
Family and friends are amazing don’t get me wrong but no one really understands.
A certain song comes on the radio and that’s it, it hits again😢.
It’s lovely chatting to you, someone who truly understands…thank you🌹

Thanks Debs - hope to chat again soon . I find myself watching the clock every day as all I want to do is go to bed so I don’t have to think about the void . I’m so glad today I can go at 8 and it’s technically y 9 just because of the clocks changing ! I just need to deal then with waking up too early .
I’d love to speak more in the coming days and hope you will be ok until then . Mx

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Yes hope to chat again soon…it’s been lovely.
We can only take one day at a time…hope you will be ok too.
My thoughts are with you