Missing my husband!

My husband passed away nearly 5 months ago & its left a huge dent in my life as I miss him so much after 41yrs together. At work im ok as i wear my ‘happy’ mask but at home, i can cry for England! Im on my own & feel so lonely at times but I am making sure I get on with things & try to keep busy.
What I cant understand is other people!
his immediate family (mother & siblings) & best friend havent made contact with me at all since the funeral which I find unbelievable & at this point. They all left the funeral & carried on with their lives & not once messaged to ask if I was ok. Im quite annoyed about it & feel abandoned but at the same time I wont make contact & feel its their loss if they dont want me in their life. Anyone else had a similar family experience?
It’s coming up to my first xmas without my wonderful loving soulmate which makes me so sad & I also received my 1st xmas card yesterday addressed to us both so the waterworks were full on!

2 Likes

Hi Grieving 123

First Christmas card to us both yesterday too. I’m 31 weeks in and it put me straight back to months ago.
His family will be grieving him too in their own way but it’s different for them. Their lives have changed but not their futures. Our futures have gone in an instant, along with all our hopes and dreams; and we are grieving our lost futures as well as our soulmates.
The aloneness is so hard but I’ve stopped worrying about whether I’ve heard from people. That way you are never disappointed!! To be fair to them unless you’ve experienced this level of loss you can’t possibly understand. It’s on another level.
Sending love and strength xx

3 Likes

Its very similar for me. My husband died suddenly just over 6 months ago and his 3 siblings haven’t contacted me at all. The in-law who has is his 99 year old Aunt which I am grateful for. She was very fond of him and feels bad that he has died before her.
I’d rather not receive Christmas cards this year and don’t intend to write any as it’s one of the pre Christmas things we did together. I may not open any I receive until a later time. My life doesn’t seem real anymore. It feels empty as if I’m in limbo and waiting for things to go back to normal, even though I am functioning and seeing people when I can.

2 Likes

As has been said, unless you have experienced this loss you don’t understand. My friends of 40 years have simply vanished and don’t call or make time for me, its upsetting and hurtful as if 5he roles were reversed Id be checking in with them and spending time with them.
Ive read that you do or can lose friends but never envisaged it would happen to me. I have 2 friends who still have Husband’s but they listen and get it when i say how alone and vulnerable i feel so i make a real effort to seek them out. The others, ive drawn away from as i have too many emotions to contend with without their behaviour issues towards me. Strangers on here will give comfort because sadly they understand.

2 Likes

It’s the same for me, my darling husband passed away 5 months ago and my husband’s siblings have completely dropped from the radar. My neighbours are the same. After initial cards that’s been about it. One day they will know the pain of this level of loss, although I wouldn’t wish it on them. We were together for 55 years and my love for him will never go.X

1 Like

My in-laws have never once made contact with me, at first I was going to visit them, then I went round one week and they were not in, I found out they had gone on holiday and I realised then that even after over 20 years of knowing them they had no interest in me now their son had died.
I have not been round since and they have not contacted me, like you said Grieving123 it is their loss.
One day they will experience what we are going through and I only hope the survivor doesn’t come weeping to me as I would have to give them a piece of my mind if they did. They have no one else so it wouldn’t surprise me but my heart will not be able to welcome them or comfort them after the way they cut me off. We had always got on well which makes the desertion even more strange. People are odd !

1 Like