I just received long-awaited news yesterday where I will officially be graduating from my Master’s studies at the end of this year. Somehow it feels bittersweet, as this month marks the 2 years anniversary of my beloved dad’s sudden death in a car accident on 29/08/2024. This milestone was something my dad and I had talked about often. He had always been my biggest supporter and proudly sharing my achievements with his friends. However, my life has been forever changed since his passing.. I grieve him as deeply as I loved him when he was alive. I know this grief will be with me as long as I am living and of course I wanna keep going in making him proud but.. to continue achieving milestones without my dad is absolutely hurting me as well.. I miss him every now and again 
love you dad, my role forever model 
Hello @emmaams,
Thank you for reaching out. I’m so sorry to hear about your dad. I can imagine it must feel incredibly bittersweet finding out that you’ll be graduating from your Master’s studies at the end of this year, while the second anniversary of your dad’s death is this month. Having to go through certain milestones without your loved one can be incredibly painful. It sounds like your dad was your role model, and it’s completely understandable that you’re struggling to get through these while grieving.
I’m not sure if you’ve seen our Loss as a young adult category yet. But there you can connect with other members who experienced the loss of their parent and who will understand some of what you’re going through.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support to you. In the meantime, you might find these Sue Ryder resources helpful to read.
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Our Losing a parent page talks through some of the emotions you may be experiencing
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Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
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Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through
I hope you find the community to be a support to you. Take good care and keep reaching out 
Hello Emmaams
Firstly, I send you my condolences on the passing of your beloved dad. Losing a loved one is difficult enough, but it is so heartbreaking for you. I can sense the deep grief through your words.
Congratulations on your Masters Studies that you have obviously been working hard on. I agree with you that it is such a bittersweet conflicting emotional time for you. Your lovely dad, your biggest supporter and so proud of your achievements, not being at the ceremony.
I don’t know your beliefs and I have suffered a terrible loss recently too, but I am certain that your dad is always with you and he will be there alongside you on your graduation. When you love a parent so deeply, nothing can separate you both.
Keep making your dad proud as you always have done. God bless and sending you all my warmest wishes Stephen.
Hi Stephen, I am so sorry for your terrible loss recently.. and thank you so much for taking your time by reading my grief story and replying to me with the warmest messages and wishes. I believe that you are absolutely a kind and a blessed one.
I would say that my belief perspective is something I truly appreciated most from my late dad because he was the one I had shared mine with the most. He was literally my spiritual anchor and my calm in every storm. I had thought then (when he was around) that he would be the last person I would wanna see and talk to before I closed my eyes forever (if I’d died early in my life). He is definitely my greatest teacher on how to live in this world based on how he carried himself throughout his 65 years of life, especially in the significant character developments I witnessed in his last 10 years.. his beautiful soul -composed, insightful, moderate, selfless and wise- makes me want to keep living to the fullest even without him 
Anyway Stephen, would you mind to share your terrible loss? I would love to hear yours
Hello emmaams.
Thank you for your kind message. It is lovely to hear about your beloved dad.
My mum was 82 when she passed away. Dad passed away 9 years ago and that left me and mam. I lived with my mam and dad all my life. When mum passed away , we had been together 60 and a half years. They were such wonderful parents.
My mam had memory issues for the last three and a bit years. I went through the GP and memory team and she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease about two years ago. She was prescribed medication which helped. I always cared for mam and dad as they cared for me all my life.
However, mam needed more care from me with her Alzheimer’s. She was doing well. She always knew me and we were each other’s world.
In February mam had to go in hospital. She was in nearly 3 weeks. I went every day and was with mam from 9.00am until 9.00pm. I made sure mam was comfortable and not anxious. I could sit and chat to her and explain when the doctors came in. I used to sit holding her hand. The hospital were good. I even got a dinner and tea every day.
Mam went in with bowel problems. They did scans and said she hadn’t a blockage which was good. After a week an a half they did more and this time said she had a blockage in her small bowel.
The consultant came and said there were a couple of things they could do to sort it out. They tried both but both were unsuccessful. He came back and said they would not operate because of mam’s age, her Alzheimer’s and her COPD. I asked them to try again and they did, but no success.
He said they would make mum comfortable. Mum loved our home and our little world and routine. With my pushing within a day and a half, mum was back home where we both wanted to be. She was under palliative care.
I was happy she was home. The next day the 14th of March was mam’s 82nd birthday. Normally we had a different routine for our birthdays but I couldn’t do it then.
So I gave mam her birthday cards. I let her open them a bit, that was all she could manage and then I opened them and read them to her.
I forgot to say mam had a NHS bed put in our dining room. Mam didn’t feel like opening her presents. I did open them with her later.
The district nurses came twice a day and made sure mam was comfortable. I sat as always at the side of her.
On Saturday the 21st of March, 9 days after coming home mam passed away at 11.45am. I was sat with here. Her hands were cold earlier in the morning, so I put them under the duvet. I was stroking mam’s hair and forehead at the time it happened.
So heartbreaking. I miss her so much. Her love and her compassion. She was always smiling. I never heard her complain. She used to worry about me and say: Stephen are you okay? I would say yes mam thanks. If you are okay, I am okay.
In the hospital after the consultant told me they could not operate. I was so sad. I held mam’s hand and started crying. She put both her hands on my face and head and said Stephen, don’t cry it will all be alright.
I won’t keep adding stuff about how much we loved each other but she used to like music and me singing to her. One of her favourites was Rick Astley. Together Forever. Have you heard it? I sang that to mam many times particularly those 9 days.
God bless and sending you all my warmest wishes and kindest regards. Stephen
Stephen, your relationship with your mam was so beautiful, yet it was heartbreaking moment when you took care of her during the last 9 days.. God bless you for the caring and kind service to your mam. She was loved by you and you are loved by her. You guys are the best mom and the best son to each other. So many things I can learn from your stories with her.
I still have my mom, she is 69 this year. She has been unwell since a minor stroke in 2016. In 2024, she was also involved in the car incident with my late dad. Gratefully, she survived. Yet, she is terribly grieving. She often wonders why she was not taken with him, since she has always been the sick one and not her husband who was always healthier and more active.
My mom is currently being cared for by my youngest sister and my youngest brother at our hometown. I just started working again since April after quitting my previous job in December 2025, and taking 3 months off earlier this year to care for her back home.
Externally, I am doing okay.. but internally I am still grieving especially when I think of my mom’s fragility. I somehow know she may not live much longer. She keeps praying that she will pass easily and not live to an age where becomes bedridden and a burden to her children.
To imagine my life without my mom -because I am only 31 this year- would devastate me even more. I wanna live longer and do my things -career longevity & further PhD studies & serving nation & maybe build my own family- while my parents are still around.
However, my dad passed away in my late 20s, and my mom seems unlikely to grow old and she often tells me, “Emma, you are going to be okay.. you will keep achieving your milestones even when I am not around. Mom always prays that you will be surrounded by kind people who love you.”
This breaks my heart. But I also don’t wanna be selfish by wishing she endures her pain any longer than she is able to.
All in all, I really hope she will be able to attend my graduation ceremony this November, because having her there -as a mom and the love of my late dad’s life- in my biggest moment is what I want the most right now.
Anyway, was there any precious moment with you late mom that you treasure most before she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease?
Sending you my warmest wishes and prayers. Emma.
Hello Emmaams.
Thank you for your reply. I am sorry to hear your mum is unwell. It must be so hard for her as you say. Grieving her beloved husband.
It is good that your siblings are able to care for your mum back home. I know you did too. I hope you are finding your new job rewarding. I don’t work. I took early retirement from teaching in April 2021 although I had been unofficially retired since January 2020.
It helped because I had illness but also I was there with mam. Obviously I was there every day for 60 plus years as well. My point is that your work will be a good distraction for you. I know you won’t forget while you are working, but it focuses your mind on other things.
I truly believe and hope that your wonderful mum will be there for your graduation later in the year.
Memories of mam. So many in 60 years and living together. The good thing is that unlike what people hear about Alzheimer’s disease, mam was doing fantastically well. She was on a daily tablet for her Alzheimer’s and tablets for her anxiety.
Mam could hold conversations. She was mobile. She did housework. We went away six times a year. She had a wonderful sense of humour and a beautiful smile.
There were times sometimes once a day and sometimes less when she would sundown. It is just a term for getting a bit confused. I read all about the disease and emailed Dementia UK nurses regularly, so i was well equipped to help mam.
After a couple of hours, mam was her usual self. It happens with dementia and Alzheimer’s.
One memory of recent times is when I used to dress mam on a morning. Mam had a wash. When I dressed her I put her perfume, body spray and deodorant on. Mam dressed a certain way. She wore black trousers, always a vest, jumper and a body warmer even in Summer.
I sat mam on the arm of the settee while I dressed her. The last job was to put her body warmer on and zip it up. Every morning while I was doing this she used to put her head on my shoulder and say: I love you Stephen and always replied: I love you too mam.
She was so gentle and caring. Then I used to get her in her armchair. I brushed her hair and styled it with gel and then put her moisturiser on and finished by putting her earrings in for her.
These are all memories, but I feel sad just thinking about them as I write.
When I did my degrees, I went to Leeds and Sheffield Universities, I got a bursary and the education was free so I was lucky. I say that because if it was still free I would like to do more education wise.
Sending you all my blessings and kindest regards. Best wishes. Stephen.
Hello Stephen, I hope you’re doing well. I was away over the weekend for the last volunteering program with my university before officially graduating in November.
Yes, having work is a good distraction for me. It’s not just about distracting from my grief journey, but also about continuing to develop and refine my skills professionally. Additionally, I have always been passionate about my career longevity and its maneuvering.
Aww, such a heartwarming tale about you and your mam. I have always had a soft spot for people who value their parents in their lives. Perhaps it’s because I never been in any serious relationship, so my family has always been my backbone, biggest supporters, and best friends for as long as I can remember.. my siblings during my childhood and teenage years, and my parents through my early adulthood until now. I would say, my family shaped the 80% of how I carry myself and how I perceive everything in my life. God bless those who are the best to their families.
Anyway Stephen, how are you spending your days now? I mean, since you are retired and still grieving, what does your everyday life usually look like?
Sending you my warmest wishes and prayers, always. Emma.
Hello emmaams.
Thank you for your reply. Just to clarify my distraction comment. I meant that by working you are focusing on what you are doing at the time and need to do and there’s less time to dwell on grief.
I miss mam so much. A lot of what I do I would never have done if my beautiful mam was still here and we were together.
I have tried so hard with little support from anyone but myself to try to cope with mam’s passing away.
I go up to the cemetery twice a week and spend one and a half hours there. One day a week i do the weekly shop. I go to a grief cafe twice a month. I also volunteer at Doncaster Museum and Art Gallery twice a week on a Tuesday and a Friday.
I read for a few hours on an afternoon. A mix of fiction and non fiction. I read about 3 books a week. I enjoy writing and I research family history. On an evening I watch what me and mam would watch. A mix of films, US crime shows and documentaries.
Me and mam for the last four years always went to Scarborough about 6 times a year. We stayed in the same hotel and stayed from Monday through to Friday. It is only 80 miles from here and with mam’s Alzheimer’s, it was far enough for her to travel. Both me and mam love it there. The hotel staff absolutely loved mam.
When I used to book, I had to book through a coach company to stay there because the hotel is owned by the coach company even though we always went there by car.
Me and mam always had a twin room. When mam passed away I tried to book and go as we would, but because I now have to have a single room, there aren’t many available and they did not have space. I was told I need to book in advance, so i did.
I am going the same as me and mam would. For five days. I go the second week in September. The middle of October and the middle of November.
I have booked the first ones for 2027 too. Early January. The beginning of March. Early April and the middle of May.
Some people say. You must like Scarborough. We do. So much to do there and a breakfast, a four course evening meal and four free drinks each night in with your money. Me and mam don’t drink so it was always lemonade.
Up until a year ago mam walked around Scarborough with me linking my arm through hers, but it became a bit much. The last year we got a wheelchair so we could continue to get out and about.
Mam could still walk. She was mobile but could not manage long distances. She was so independent. Would never have a walking stick. However she came to enjoy me pushing her in her wheelchair.
I have been on a few day trips to various places. I have been on 5 day trips to Scarborough. So many happy memories of me and mam there.
Sending you all my warmest wishes Stephen.
Hi Stephen, good morning.
I would say you had an abundance of memories with your mam. Yes, 60 years of a son’s life with his mother is something not everyone gets to experience. You are truly blessed and lucky.
I wonder, have you ever considered journaling your life’s story with your parents especially about mother-son relationship and your grief journey? Perhaps it could be published on any newsletter website, or even as a book.
Anyway, are there any things you would like to share with youngster grievers like me -who still have our mothers- to learn from your relationship with your late mam?
Take care of yourself, and sending you my warmest wishes and prayers. Emma.
Good morning emmaams
Thank you for your reply. I have started a memory journal of sorts. Dad told many stories of growing up, as did mam. So they are things that I want to write down to remember.
Also I want to write about my life growing up with mam and dad and as the years progressed. I have hardly started it and I would not know where to start in terms of publishing it.
I agree with what you say about younger people grieving and learning from my experiences. However, I don’t really know what it is that i do.
A similar thing when I was teaching. This was a few years ago. I had a class with about 14 pupils in. They were nice and I enjoyed teaching them. The deputy head came in to do a lesson observation.
Later in the day I got my feedback. Glowing feedback. She said to me: do you know that those 14 pupils are causing chaos in every lesson in school. She said: they are perfect for you.
On the next INSET day I want you to do a session on behaviour to the rest of the staff. Pass onto them what you do with those students that they can’t. I thanked her but I said to her. It would be difficult because I don’t know what I do. I am just me. I stand there as I would any class.
Doing my first session of this the week at the museum in a while. It distracts me because the last few days I have been more upset than usual.
Thank you as always for your messages. Hope your day goes as well as it can. Sending you all my blessings. Stephen.
Good morning, Stephen. May today be kinder than yesterday.
Thank you for sharing that with me, it means a lot.
I’m glad you’ve started a memory journal. Even if publishing feels far away, writing it down is already a gift to yourself and maybe to others one day.
Your teaching story really struck me. There’s something special about people like you–who don’t ‘try’ to be effective but simple are. You carry a presence that calms others, whether in a classroom or in a conversation with a grieving stranger like me. That’s not a skill–it’s just who you are.
I think the same applies to your grief journey. You may not know what wisdom you have to offer, but just by being yourself and showing up, you’re already teaching others what it means to carry loss with grace. That’s what I’m still learning as well.. to keep doing what I do in my everyday life as a grieving daughter.
Honestly Stephen, it’s my pleasure to reply to your messages. Somehow, I find comfort in talking to another griever about life after losing my dad, or even just listening to theirs’ story. Plus, I haven’t really found anyone else in my life who has lost a parent as deeply as I have, including my siblings. We grieve differently as a child to our late dad. I know we can’t compare grief, but the connection someone had with their parents while they were alive says so much about how they grieve now.
In real life –beside my family members– I rarely speak about my dad because most people around my age haven’t lost someone truly precious. I would say, they don’t know how to respond.. and that’s okay. I understand that.
All in all, I hope your museum session goes well this week. I’m sorry the last few days have been heavier for you.
Take care, Stephen. Thank you for your kindness as always. Sending you my warmest wishes and prayers. Emma.
Good afternoon Emma.
Thank you for your lovely message and the kind things that you have written about me. The only other person who complimented me was mam. I really appreciate it.
The more I think of memories, the more I recall. Not all large memories, but small simple ones like when dad, who was a miner, was on an afternoon shift. Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday, me and mam and my brother always had our tea at my grandma and grandad’s house. So special to think back on those times. Grandma was a great cook.
I have been very sad Emma. I had acne as a teenager. It went away in my late teens. However, with the stress and grief it has come back. I hate it. It really dented my confidence when I was younger. GP prescribed a gel ,but that burnt my skin so now I am on a daily antibiotic.
I go to a grief cafe every 2 weeks. I went yesterday. It is okay. It gets me out a couple of hours.
My brother is like your siblings Emma. His grieving isn’t really visible at all. He did leave home at 21 and got married and after that he visited once a week going up to twice a week when dad passed away. It isn’t the same for him. My life was with mam and dad. He calls once or twice a week, but isn’t keen on talking about mam or memories.
The museum continues to be good thank you very much Emma. I can’t go tomorrow because I am having my car repaired ,but I have let them know.
Sending you all my kindest regards and best wishes.Stephen.