Missing my mam

21st of June is my beautiful Mams birthday sadly I lost my mam in December to covid 2 days before my birthday losing my mam has totally broke me she is my best friend my rock the one person I could tell anything to I am totally withdrawn from everyone what makes it worse is that I couldn’t see her or even speak to her. My mam was one of the best she would do anything for anyone I can’t talk to my family about her as it upsets them I can’t speak about her without crying people say that it gets easier but it doesn’t not one day went by that I didn’t see my mam. I wake up on a morning when I’ve finally dozed off and it’s like someone has just ripped my heart out and it’s happened all over again the pain of losing my mam is unbearable it’s a pain that’s so hard and hurts so much I miss her like mad I know some people might think I’m crazy I give her photo a kiss every morning and say morning Mam I love you and before I go upstairs to bed I kiss it again and say goodnight I love you as I did when she was here I wish I could just tell her to her face.

Hi, thanks for your kind words I’m trying to be strong for my 2 children who miss my mam so much as she was a big part of there lives but every day gets harder and harder.

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I know what you mean by each day getting harder and harder - that’s certainly the case for me. I lost my amazing Dad 12 weeks ago, unexpectedly and suddenly.
I now hate my life, I hate the sun rising each day. I have flashbacks and terrible moments when I think of the terror and anguish he must have felt and still be feeling now as he is separated from his family too soon.
I know I’m getting worse because in the early weeks I was happy to go to bed to escape for few hours, now,I don’t even feel that as I am already dreading the following morning as I go to bed because I’m overwhelmsd with terrible thoughts when I wake which is usually about 4am. I cant look at photos, can’t even watch tv or listen to the radio. Everything starts the tears. My kids can watch Netfkix, lego cartoons don’t remind me of Dad.
People say it will still be raw at 12 weeks but I can’t imagine it being any better at any point. Tgere has been so much trauma and the loss is inescapable. The only remedy is to be abke to turn back ths clock buf we can’t. There’s nothing we can do.
My Dad was so strong and always looked on tge brightside but now there will never be a bright side and my heart actually aches.
Sometimes I feel I will become ill before time gets a chance to lessen the pain.
I adore my Dad and I don’t think he knows it. I’ve lost my faith - I really feel I’m a lost cause.
Sorry for the downbeat message - lets hope a day comes when we dont feel as bad as this.


I’m so sorry for your loss hun it’s terrible life’s just so unfair and I know your dad will have known how much you love and adore him. I feel the same way as you do saying I hope she knows how much I love her and it doesn’t help people saying they know you love them and adore them it makes me feel worse. Just take each day as it comes and stay strong for your beautiful children as mine are the only thing helping me get up on a morning my mam adored all her grandchildren and I just started feeling as if I didn’t make an effort with them I’d be letting my mam down. This site has helped knowing I’m not the only one feeling like this Stay strong and I’m always here if you need to share beautiful memories about your dad sometimes it helps me talking to people I don’t know about Mam as it’s making people who don’t know her get a picture of what a beautiful person she is the feeling of missing her will never go away she’s always in my heart x