Missing my mum and feeling alone

I always thought I was a strong person until I lost my mum.
My mum was diagnosed with Lymphoma when she came out if hospital we only had just over a week with her before she pass
Mum wasn’t just my mum she was my best friend. Now she has gone I feel so alone and empty inside. All I do is cry for her and I am finding it hard to smile.
It is still raw and I know I am grieving but I don’t know what to believe or think anymore.
People say you mum is around just look for the signs I haven’t found anything yet.
The hardest bit is she told me she was never going anywhere.

Hi Sara,
So sorry to read your post but know exactly how you are feeling. I’m 8 months on from losing Mum and really struggling again right now and missing her beyond belief. Do you have anyone else you can talk to at all? I thought I did but it hadn’t worked out so I feel pretty alone. If I can get through this I will get through anything.

It may sound strange but I do feel like my mum is around or with me still. I don’t ‘believe’ but little things do happen very occasionally and it makes me think she’s watching down on me. Like about a month after she passed a little robin kept sitting on my washing line and they say when a robin appears it’s a message from someone who’s passed. Then I stumbled across a credit sized card that Mum wrote to me years ago about a guardian angel being with me at all times and with me wherever I may go, so I now carry this around with me.

Is your mums passing recent? If so you are in such early days, my 8 months is still early days but I feel like I should be ok by now but I’ll never be ok as I’ve lost my best friend and most wonderful mum. But somehow I have to learn to carry on but some days it all seems pointless. I just can’t get my head around the fact that I will never see her again and I don’t know how to cope with that.

Keep using this forum it’s kept me going and has been so helpful. I started another thread and it has a few people who’ve lost there mums so do take a look and feel free to post on ‘Mum is dying’ it’s got over 600 comments. Thinking of you xx

Hi Sara, really sorry to hear about your mum. I too lost my mum, but due to cancer. Its been over a year now and i still feel lonely. But, i do find that its been easier to cope with. I find it depends on that person how their feelings change. Everyones different. But please know, your mum is definitely looking down at you, smiling and being proud. Never forget that or let anyone tell you otherwise. Just because we cannot see those who are not there does not mean they’re not. I know they are. Remember the good times, i am sure your mum wouldve wanted you to remember them xxx

I’m the same mum passed away feel so alone and afraid of the future my mum always said be strong know I feel so weak and alone hard to function no one seems to understand.even family not supporting me

Hi I find it really hard can only remember bad times I find it really hard with no support just trying to work through the grief myself no family wants to know how I feel or friends change the conversation mum used to stick up for me know so alone and afraid of future always set an hour a side a week to cry hurts so much

sorry to hear of your loss, I lost my mum in August and as an only child having to sort everything out myself, cant face picking up my mums ashes, cant face signing the oath for probate, feel overwhelmed with it all . Just dont know how to cope with how i am feeling. its affecting my work where i have become angry towards people which of course is not appropriate.

Hello Butterfly12,
It’s very hard to keep going when someone close dies, particularly a mum or dad who you think will always be there to love and look
out for you. I lost my dad in August 2017, and I don’t think that I have really fully come to terms with the loss yet. Even though I’m 60 years old now, I still miss him, and have come to recognise the huge influence he was in my younger years. We all fear for the future and feel alone when our parents pass - it is one of the defining moments of our life, and we can feel a sense of abandonment along with our grief when it happens. Sometimes it can seem to be too much to bear. You need feel no guilt or sorrow about being unable to be strong - just take each day as it comes, and put your faith in your own judgements and beliefs. Gradually you will start to become more confident and self reliant, and blossom into the person your mum knew you would become. No one can tell you that your journey will be easy, but with courage and tiny baby steps, you will get there. And keep posting, we are all here to help and support you. With warm wishes, Jayne xx

I am sorry for your loss. It is hard I am finding it hard to go into work and I am too getting angry with other. Not meaning to.
Trouble is there is no one to help or talk to now. Which is when we need it. Like you facing this all on your own. X

like u I am getting angry with others and finding work hard, was angry with another employee the other week, i needed help but couldnt ask for it in the normal way you would so it all came out wrong and everything went pear shaped, work try to be supportive but my colleagues just dont get it
at least reading this I know its not just me

Hi thanks for that I just seem to be angry and sad all the time even neighbours landlady don’t know what I’m going through not sleeping miss mum so much don’t know how to grieve never felt like this before seems everyone’s bullying me normally mum would stick up for me

Hi thanks for that I just seem to be angry and sad all the time even neighbours landlady don’t know what I’m going through not sleeping miss mum so much don’t know how to grieve never felt like this before seems everyone’s bullying me normally mum would stick up for me

There is no set pattern of how to grieve for your mum. All of our journeys are individual to us, and whatever you are feeling at this time is normal for you. It is also normal to feel angry and sad, and to struggle to get a good night’s sleep - I use Neals Yard Remedies Pillow Mist and find that it helps my sleep problems a lot. And sometimes when others think they are acting in our best interests, encouraging us to move on, it can be construed as bullying. No one has the right to decide how your life should be
and only you will know when your pain is easing, and a new, different life starting to be built. Your life will never be as it was, it will be different yet rich and fulfilling. And may I suggest that you look at the online bereavement counselling service? It is totally confidential, and the counsellor will be able to explore your feelings with you, offering support and advice to help you through your pain. Take care and keep posting. Jayne xxx

Hi Butterfly12,

I really empathise with what you say about remembering the bad times. After seeing my Mum suffer with a degenerative disease for 2 years, and losing her in August, I get so angry at my mind for hanging on to memories of her suffering, and blocking memories of the happy times we had together. I cry for hours at her photos, texts and emails, but sometimes I come out of it feeling better and more conscious of the good things we had. Hang on to those. I have started writing down when a happy memory springs to mind, so that I can look over them in times of sadness. It stings, but it keeps the positive thoughts alive.

I notice you say that nobody understands, or knows what you’re going through. If you feel strong enough (I know it’s hard) can you speak to colleagues or family by email or text just to say ‘please be patient with me, I am really grieving for mum today’. Sometimes this can buy you some time, or silence some voices which you are finding to be mean or bullying.

Be kind to yourself, and don’t feel you have to be ok.

RainyDays xxx

Hi I’ve ordered that spray hope it helps and going to try the counselling don’t know how I’ll do. Put of grieving last night my hour for my mum felt I couldn’t function so set an hour aside today it’s so hard when mum passed away just been looking at all the things she kept since I was a child really emotional hope I get through this

Hi I’ve signed up for counselling feel nervous and don’t know what to expect.cant really talk on the phone that long feel anxious excited because I really need help it seems like yesterday mum passed away even with faith don’t know where she has gone but I do know she loved me a lot by all the things she kept since I was a child