hiya im new to this forum not right sure how it all works but I thought id try this as people on here may actualy understand I miss my mum so dearly we lost my mum October 2022 very unexpected she was only 49 years old, we received a phone call one morning that she had died on her way to work this has destroyed me and my family’s life a year later I feel like things are just been put back together how ever I feel so lost inside I really don’t know what to do with myself i’ve got to the point I feel numb no emotions I struggle to even let tears out anymore but I feel like it’s all bottling up and I can no longer let it out im constantly having to keep myself busy and put things in place so that im not sat thinking I find myself sat thinking over thinking and the day she died replaying in my mind when im sat with nothing to do im trying to keep moving forward in education but when I come to stop still I feel like my world comes crashing my tolerance is terrible for the little things in life that should be doable sends me over edge big time I have so many feelings inside im struggling with and everyone just keeps saying you’ll feel better in time when I know for a fact this pain will never go away she was my best friend the woman I trust with my whole life the one that sat and listened to me anytime the one who advised me the one that made every occasion in the year so special and now she’s gone I don’t enjoy any and feel as though I ruin it for the for my children cause I can no longer enjoy or relax at all their all looking forward to Christmas so much while i’m sat dreading this day so much we didn’t really have a Christmas last year but ive never spent a Christmas without my mum sept last year its working me up daily
Hi @amberj, I understand you. You’re a bit further down the road from me, I only lost my mum just over 2 months ago, but I get how you feel, I also feel so lost without my mum. She was everything to me, my support, comfort, brought so much joy into my life, I feel so alone without her. She also passed before her time, like yours. She had so much life still to live. I also replay things in my mind and keep thinking what else I could have done, anything else I should have said. I wish I could go back and just hug my mum and tell her again over and over how much I love her. I know what you mean about Christmas - it’s usually such a joyous occasion, but how can we be joyous without our mums there? I don’t have any kids, just my husband, so he understands I’m not going to enjoy Christmas this year (or maybe any year going forward). I feel like it makes anything I do from here bittersweet, because even if I do feel happiness again, there will always be sadness underneath, because my mum isn’t here to share it with me. I think a lot of people on this forum feel this way. You’re not alone x
Hi @amberj,
Welcome to this forum. My mom passed 2 years ago, it still takes some getting used to. Our mom’s are such a big part of our lives, & they’re with us through so much. Her sudden passing must have been a shock. To me my mom was like a safety net, but now things feel like walking a tightrope very high up, I miss having the reassurance of my safety net to catch me if I fall, having her to talk to when things upset me or go wrong. I’ve learned to view it like carrying a backpack, at first it weighs very heavily on us, but over time, the backpack shrinks, you still feel the weight of it, but it’s not as heavy, more manageable, it becomes a weight I’m more comfortable to carry with me. You are entitled to your emotions, it sounds like you need an outlet for how you feel, 
this is your grief journey, & you choose what works best for you, maybe 
… Keeping a journal of how your feeling, or talking to a friend or family member or counselor to help you explore those feelings, or there is always someone to talk to on this forum. Sending hugs of support.
Hello @amberj sorry for the pain of your grief. Undoubtedly it is a very difficult situation to manage, how to live without a much loved Mum. When people talk about things feeling easier in time they are trying to reassure you that it won’t always feel as brutal and sharp. Eventually you will learn to live around the sadness that dominates you at this time. We all grieve in our own way and in our timescale though. My Mum died suddenly over nine months ago and her loss has impacted me greatly. I try to think about what she would want and I know she definitely wouldn’t want me to be suffering. Part of this journey is learning how to find the cracks of joy in all the darkness. Sending best wishes xx
I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my mum nearly forty years ago just after my twentieth birthday and six weeks after her cancer diagnosis. The pain will never go away, but it will ease, but proceed at your pace! Don’t let anyone tell you that you should feel better and when! I recently lost my second mum (my mum’s sister) she was my best friend and I was her carer. She had a massive stroke in September and died six days later. It’s left a big hole in my daily life and broken my heart. All I can say to you is be kind to yourself, cry when you need/want to, don’t bottle it up! Take time to heal yourself. Sending hugs🥰