Missing my Mum/my best friend

I am having such a tough day today, crying, feeling so sad & emotional. My physical health is affected.
It has been a year since I lost my Mum, but today, it feels like it has just happened. Like a truck has just hit me!
My mum was in a nursing home, she had a fall & i was the one who had to persuade her to go to hospital to get checked out. She was only in there for a week & half & passed away. She had pneumonia, COPD, as well as others ailment. I feel so guilty sending her to hospital even though I know she needed to go. The guilt eats me up.
Don’t know why I am so low today, so I have reached out here fir some support.

3 Likes

Hi Angel, I’m so sorry, I can feel the pain in your message.

The grief can overwhelm us at any time, for any reason. I’ve found myself an emotional wreck and missing my mum so much today which was triggered by something silly (a TV programme). I think our mums are always on our minds and certain things just bring out the emotion, sometimes when we least expect.

You will always miss your mum, it’s only natural with them being such a huge part of our lives. Please try not to feel guilty about her going into hospital, you did your very best for her at the time and you couldn’t possibly have known the outcome then.

I’m just reaching out to let you know you’re not alone, sending you love xx

1 Like

Hi Angel85, what would have happened if you hadn’t persuaded her to go and she passed away in a home, you would be feeling guilty then too because this is what we do when we are grieving, we blame ourselves. You mustn’t feel guilty about anything. I read in a grief book that guilt is anger turned on ourselves.
Anyone would have done the same in your position, you weren’t to know she would pass away. I lost my beautiful mum in April, she was steadily getting worse and we decided it best to go to a&e where she was admitted and passed away soon after. We knew she was ill but I didn’t expect that, I thought she would come home even if for a bit. As daughters with close relationships with mums, we do what we think is right for them. The rest is out of our hands! I feel so low and empty most days and feel that more could have been done to help her so I’m having to write to the hospital via PALS to get answers, which isn’t very nice to go through. X

2 Likes

Hi Lucy7 & BarackObama,
Thank you so much for your support. It means so much and I don’t feel as if it’s just me experiencing these feelings.
I am sorry for both of your losses, as you say, losing our mums is so devastating and will never leave us. They are always in our hearts forever.
Here is such a forum for support & I truly appreciate yours. Thank you. :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

2 Likes

You are welcome although I wish none of us had to be in this club! xx

1 Like

Yes, don’t feel guilty. The fact that you persuaded her to go to hospital shows just how much you loved and cared for her. My mum passed in May aged 90 at the nursing home. She caught a chest infection and the Dr asked me if I wanted to send her to hospital, but I knew she was so fragile and it was probably in her best interests not to go, so she didn’t. Then her oxygen dropped and I’m sure that’s the reason why she passed, and I feel so guilty because I knew that oxygen could have possibly kept her going a bit longer, which the doctors didn’t provide her with. We all feel the guilt. But especially at the end of the day, when they have had a good long life, we have to know that we’ve tried our best and must never feel guilty. It’s not our fault. Just remember that she is not suffering now (although we, who are left, are!). She is still in spirit and is in your heart and will never leave you. And hopefully one day we will meet our mums again. I truly hope so. Big hugs. xxx

You are so welcome, any time. This site is such a comfort and you are part of the family now. We are all here for each other xx

1 Like

Thank you everyone. Having your support has helped me through a real bad day.
I am sorry to hear of all your losses. Your right, we all did our best & showed how much we loved our mums & always will.
Xx

Hi Angela 85,
I know exactly how you feel as I wish I had never taken my mum into hospital. I never thought in a million years she would end up on end of life care which is what happened. She was just being sick and I phoned 999 so she went into A and E . I was told she had a blockage in her small intestine and they couldn’t operate bec if her age. It was without a doubt the most horrendous experience of my life. I wish with all my heart I hadn’t phoned 999 and maybe she would have been ok bec they just starved her and she was only allowed water for almost three weeks.I took her home and then wait for it they said she could eat anything she liked. I tried everything in my power to get her better making all liquid meals etc but failed and she passed away after being home for two weeks.
Like you I am coming up to the first year anniversary and throughout the year my health and wellbeing has suffered in all sorts of ways. My confidence has been shattered, feel constantly miserable and sad,cry daily over anything that triggers me, and just generally lost my way.
Reach out on here whenever you want as we are all going through so much and understand
Thinking of you
Deborah x

Hi Deborah,
So sorry to hear what happened with your mum. As you said, we live with ‘if only’, ‘i wish’, but we can’t change anything now, only say to ourselves, we made decisions then for the best even though those were painful.
This is such a supportive family & I know it’s a journey we’d rather not be on, but let’s continue to be there for each other as we are.
Big hugs. X

1 Like

Hiya,
Just wish I could turn back time and do things so differently.
Yes this family on here is the best family I could ever wish for.
People on here truly understand and care for each other
Keep posting
Deborah x

1 Like