It’s been 9 weeks since my mum passed away, and she passed away 11 weeks from her terminal cancer diagnosis! Horrible.
First few weeks I guess I was in shock and functioning ok,
Now I’m just anxious and panicky and feel sick. I miss her so much, I used to speak to her during the day and night and about anything and everything. She helped me so much when my dad died a few years ago, now my main supper is no longer here and the person I want most. I know it’s gonna be hard, everyone else is ok and moved on already. It’s me again, me again suffering after parents death.
I just want to make them proud and be able to cope but I feel such a massive void in everything. Today has been tough. I have a supportive husband.
I’m also moving into my mums house soon, which I hope will be comforting, but also I know lots of reminders obviously. Both my parents were wonderful, I feel quite alone without them. Everything triggers me! I’m trying to concentrate on something or be a bit busy but I just can’t at times!!! Anyone relate?
I am so sorry you lost your lovely wee mammy. I lost my mum suddenly in April this year, she was my best friend, biggest supporter and I am lost without her. I lost my dad when i was 22, also auddenly. So now i have no parents either, and it is horrible. I too have a supportive husband, great kids and friends. But it isn’t the same. Your mum is special in every way and noone can replace that. Every day you need to allow yourself to feel, and don’t let yourself stop that feeling or become distracted by something that will take you from it. To move through your grief you have to feel it and ask for support and help from your husband and others when you need it . Love yourself like your mum would. She will be so proud, as will your dad. X
Hello Missmymumanddad
I’m sorry for your loss and I feel your pain. It might sound silly but when I need to talk to my mom I post it on here. I tell my mom every day I miss her and I love her I tell her good night and tell her if I’ve had a good day or a bad day you need to give yourself time to breath and let all those felling wash over you sending you much love alway here xxx
I lost my mum last month, totally unexpected, no illness or anything, she was 66. Still waiting to hear back from the coroner report because at this moment in time they can’t find a cause of death and its frustrating me.
My emotions are in turmoil. My dad lives abroad and we don’t have a very close relationship apart from the odd phone call. I feel so lost in life despite such loving support from friends and other family members
I’m so sorry you are going through this, it’s such a cruel world we live in x
So sorry for your loss the shock and sadness are so hard. My mum passed away 3 weeks ago today. I miss her and on occasions it feels impossible to understand and hurts so much. I can see how my brain shuts down when this starts to happen, to protect me. I’ve tried to go into the shops with Christmas everywhere and feel happy for other people. But I’m very quickly overwhelmed, feel sick, can’t focus and my feet feel like led. It’s the weirdest feeling. Our brains can only process so much at once, we need to deal with out loss so it filters out everything else and our concentration goes. I try to view it as nature doing its stuff!. Sending lots of love and support x
Hi Ollie, I’m in exactly the same position.
I lost my mum on Tuesday, she was 66, no serious illness, took her to hospital with a nose bleed that had lasted over 4 hours. We too are still waiting to hear from the coroner.
I’m in shock, I’m just going through the motions but today I’m so angry. I have lots of support but feel so alone. My dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer last month and I’m frightened he’ll just give up now.
Sending love and support x
I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my mum unexpectedly on the 29th November. No serious illnesses or symptoms. She was 68.
I’m really struggling because like you we are still waiting on the postmortem to take place tomorrow, then I think it’ll hit me like a tonne of bricks. I feel like I’ve been living in an oblivious bubble that’s about to pop!
I keep having flashbacks from when I found her and having to pull her off of the bed to start CPR.
We almost lost my father this year as well due to complications with his Alzheimers, he is now in a home requiring 24 hour care.
I feel so completely lost!!
I am so so sorry for you losing your lovely mum. I can’t imagine what it was like having to give her cpr, what an enormous trauma for you. It is so very early for you, and waiting to see why mum died will be so intense and raw and painful. You might feel lost, shocked, confused and numb, sad, angry, all at the same time. Sending lots of love and strength in a time when you may feel you have none. You are not alone. X
So sorry to hear about the loss of your mum and the trauma you’ve suffered. You’re not alone there are many of us living with similar feelings. You lost your lovely mum in such a tragic way. Your memories of her will slowly change to those of happy times. We do understand and are with you supporting you . Sending hugs and strength xx
Thank you all for your replies and comments, I’m sorry for all you are going though too.
I just can’t believe my mum has gone, I know she has, but I can’t believe it, when you realise you can never see speak to her again. She was my bestie.
I hope I made her proud. I know I did she told me many times. She just wanted me to be free of anxiety. I hope I will be one day but right now not.
My whole life after my dad died was mum….and my husband. But my mum was constantly on my mind.
Im glad I was able to be with my mum all the time I was and at her last breath holding her hand. Im glad we touched on life without her although brief and tough and not something you ever expect to discuss with someone. My mum was so brave, she really was. I miss her immensely
Sending lots of love to all that have lost and are grieving xx
I feel like no one wants to hear this- family that is.
Hi Missmymomand dad
It’s hard to be with out them and like you I held my mom’s hand while she took her final breath and I wouldn’t want it any other way. So I will alway want to hear how brave you are and how brave your mom was xxx sending you much love xxx and some comforting hugs 🫂
You are not alone honey. It is hard for families to understand your pain. It isn’t because they do t want to, they don’t know how to. You are loved. Your mum was your bestie and your were with her right to the end. You made sure she felt loved and cared for and she would have been proud to her last. Sending love and strength. X
This is my first post here and I can really relate to what you are all saying. I lost my mum 2 weeks ago today. After being ill for a short period she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and died less than 2 weeks later. I spent days by her bedside in the hospital afraid to leave in case I missed her final moment but in the end I was with her and cuddled her when she took her last breath. Now it doesn’t feel real sometimes. I keep getting strange flashbacks- like I was hugging one of my kids the other night in bed and when I opened my eyes I saw mum and not my son. I feel so lost and helpless and don’t understand how I’m meant to go on without her. It feels like I’ll never not have this pit of sadness in my stomach.
Hello Christie11
I am so sorry for your loss. I feel your pain. I can relate to everything you put. All I can say is breathe and take each day as it is minute by minute hour by hour day by day. Talk about your mom with family and friends or on here we are alway listening. Honor your mother. And reach out for help someone told me let the day just be a day.sending much love xxx
Hi Christie 11, try to hang on to the fact you have good moments because in time they will come more often. The sad ones don’t leave you but become less painful as you learn to ride the wave of them.
When you sleep your brain processes what you’ve been dealing with during the day. Do you remember waking in the night when your son was newly born and thinking he was in bed with you and you’d dropped him out of bed? I used to have that, it was simply being overwhelmed as a new mum. It sounds like your dreams about your mum are for a similar reason. They will subside. We grieve so much because we loved our mums so much. Our love filled our mums lives and surrounded them with love. I too was with my mum until the end and I know she felt totally safe and supported by that love. Safe enough to leave me because she had my love in her heart for ever and I will always carry her love for me in mine.
I have tears running down my face as I share this with you but I hope it may help you to know that you aren’t alone but we will get through it. My tears will dry, I’ve ridden that wave, I’ll face the day and know my mum would be proud of me for continuing my life without her. Sending strength and hugs xx
Hi Christie
Second reply the pain is love the love of the loss of the connection of the reflection of what you’ve losted you will have good day and you will gave days you don’t cry and that is good yes that is OK don’t feel guilty for having a day when you don’t cry you will have them I promise don’t feel guilty. You will have okdays and you will have really hard day just keep reaching out what ever your day brings sending you hugs xxx
Thanks so much to you both for taking the time to reply. I guess I just need to be patient and accept/acknowledge how I feel day to day and just go with it. I know I did the best I could by my mum, it was all just so quick and sudden. I’m so glad I could be there to comfort her - I keep telling myself that whenever things are tough they aren’t half as hard as some of the stuff she went through. She was such a strong and brave woman and she is my inspiration. I’m sorry you have both been experiencing this too, it truly is awful xx
