Missing my mum so much!

Hello everyone

I lost my mum in February, she had been in hospital since January went in with pneumonia, caught salmonella and had recovered from her first bout of pneumonia. Then whilst recovering from the salmonella she got hospital acquired pneumonia and died from this.

My husband and I lived with my mum so we were very close to her. She had Alzheimers but fortunately she was very with it and knew who we were. I think this is why it might be so hard as mum was part of our everyday life.

I miss her dearly, daily I think of her and often shake my head in disbelief that she is no longer with us! Over the past 3 years we have lost 10 family members! So I feel stuck in a cycle of loss and grief. I cannot feel positive about anything and feel deep sadness about the losses particularly my mum.

I put in an NHS complaint about my mum’s treatment and death. Unfortunately and as I expected everyone involved is covering one another’s back. 3 nurses on the ward told me mum had salmonella!! Now I am being told in their investigative report that the nurse who told me was agency and that the test for salmonella was a false reading! I do want to take it further but I am struggling to motivate myself and dont have the energy. However I want to do it to try and get justice for my mum and in the hope that other patients do not experience such poor care and treatment. Could anyone advise me who I could follow up the complaint with?

I am also struggling with a friend who is moaning about her sons and the way that they treat her, moans about her son in law and daughter. Although she has let them treat her in this way. Well to be honest she seems to moan about lots of things. I do not have the patience to listen to trivialities.

Thank you so much for any advice and support. Ireally appreciate it.



Not sure if this is helpful but you could try the ombudsman:

I am also in the process of complaining to the hospital my mum was in when she died as well. I’m having some problems writing it up - being a bit too emotional and also trying to find the energy. My mum died 4weeks ago tomorrow, and it was something preventable I believe - she died of pneumonia caused by Covid, which she caught while in hospital. The person in the bed next to her tested positive on a Tuesday but when I asked when mum was tested, they didn’t do so until the Friday. When I asked the doctor why there was such a delay I was told they don’t test until there are physical symptoms. Mum, like yours, had Alzheimer’s and couldn’t tell you if there was something wrong with her. She spiked a fever on the Friday and passed away on the Sunday.

Good luck following up your complaint - like yourself I’m complaining not to make myself feel better but to hopefully make sure they procedures change so other family’s don’t have to go through this x

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I am so sorry to hear of your loss and awful circumstances in which your mum died. I fully understand how hard it is to try and get the energy together to write up the complaint. I wish I could give you advice about how I wrote my complaint, but to be honest I do not remember a lot! I think I was and still are in shock!

I can suggest perhaps try writing around half hour a day. Sometimes i find just that starting might help encourage you to write more. You could begin with a bullet point list of the hospital errors.

In the hospital where my mum was, the next bay they had all the Covid patients, which really worried me. So can fully understand how worrying it must have been knowing the patient in the next bed had Covid. I am so sorry I can imagine how you are feeling.

I hope you are able to get what you would like to happen with regard to your complaint. I am sending you love and strength.

Take care of yourself

Sorry forgot to say thank you for the Ombudsman details

@Shelly2 & @CeeEmCee thx for starting this post. My Dad caught covid in hospital after an operation & died in their care on March 8th & I’ve just completed writing my complaint, I aim to send it at the end of this month by which time, all of my family will have read it & added/omitted any details. His stay was a shambles, it’s only when you visit someone constantly over almost 6 weeks do you see things clearly. We put our trust in them to care for him but it was misplaced & he should’ve come home. In fact writing my letter to PALS has kept me going over these months. Best wishes to you both. X


Cee I am so sorry to hear this, sending my sincere condolences. How awful for you. I do remember that writing my complaint, (although I dont remember writing it) helped me to feel in control once I had sent it. I can relate to your dads stay being a shambles, you see the poor level of care that there is and inconstancies in what you are being told, from the very people who are meant to be caring for our loved ones.
I wish you all the very best with sending your complaint and getting the answers you need.
Sending love & Strength

Hi I lost my dad 9 months ago and I also complained to the hospital about the way he was treated. I received a letter stating lessons had been learned but I was appalled the state my dad was in when he came home. He was supposed to receive palliative care when he came home for the final time but none was forthcoming we had to do it all ourselves the nurse could not have been more cold and unfeeling if she tried. I was asked would I like a visit every day or just a phone call. My dad only lived three days after he came home and I feel that we were just left to get on with it. I can never forgive them for this as he never asked for anything and the one time we did need some professional help it wasn’t here. We had to treat his horrendous sores ourselves and we were frightened as he was in pain with them. He never once had a sore in all of the ten years we looked after him until he went into one particular ward, and I told them not to use the cream. He was even sent home soiled from the morning he arrived home in the evening and had an ice cream carton lid stuck to his back. Sorry for the rant.


Hello I am so sorry to hear the awful idea you, your dad and family, have been through. Such a tragedy, my heart goes out to you and family. From a previous job I know that the bed sores are a high risk and can be fatal. So for sure the hospital should have been attending to these! It is just awful how our loved ones and us have to go through such awful and heart breaking incidents at a time we would really hope that our loved ones are given the best care, and there seems to be a theme here where loved ones are not looked after in hospital.

I just really feel for you as I can imagine how you feel from my own experience of loosing my mum in February and being told mum had salmonella by 3 members of staff, to have it denied later on! When we were told that mum would now receive palliative care, the doctor just delivered the news without any empathy! So I can understand how you are feeling. I am sending you big hugs and it might help to know you are not alone in this! Thinking of you and please do not worry about the rant!
Take care of yourself xx

apologies i was meant to have put ordeal instead of idea!!

Thank you I just feel I let my dad and mam down by what happened. My mam so much wanted to be at home and she had to go into hospital. I saw the state she was in on her last day and I raged at the nurses who suddenly sprang into action (her legs were so swollen and weeping). I stayed with my mam until 7.00pm when visiting time ended and rang again at 10.00 pm to be told she was fine and talking, then got a phone call at 1.00am telling us to go into hospital . We had no transport and finally got a lift just in time but mam was sedated and I couldn’t tell her what I so badly wanted to say. This happened 7 years ago and then we had this with my dad. Thank you for caring.

My dad’s stay in the hospital was a shambles too, I was so angry with them and it torments me endlessly now that I should have done more. It’s such a cruel betrayal that the hospital, which should be a healing place, has contributed to their suffering. As you say, we put our trust in them, to take care of the person we love so much. I should probably write a complaint, but I’m not sure I can cope with it.

@Ulma Thx for posting. It seems we aren’t alone in this sub standard hospital care. I’ve heard from many people, both online & irl that have had similar experiences. I too blamed myself for accepting things at face value. (I didn’t realise that medical professionals are not averse to lying). I’m also glad that I’m not alone. Take care