Oh thankyou . I am slowly getting help for my problems
But like you I have found life has changed in so many ways. It can be hard to accept this new reality. I hope I’m not alone in struggling with
feelings that are up , down and all over the place! I have heard of it as described as a grief-mess that you carry with you and have to slowly learn to live with, if that makes sense.!?
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O I’m so glad you are getting help as it’s tough enough. You’re definitely not alone, I’m so up and down…not even day to day but hour to hour I can go from feeling ok and coping to overwhelmed with sadness and just wanting my mum. Although in all honesty my biggest and most constant feeling is I want my mum. Grief-mess with probably sums it up. I want to believe that at some point in the future I will feel more glad I had my mum than sad I lost her. I hope that for everyone here too xx
Ah your mum was a trouper too 
She was amazing and coped with all sorts I don’t think she ever felt sorry for herself. Your mum sounds amazing too
I sort of feel like I want to honour her strength by being strong too but also not putting pressure on myself as I’ve always known I’m not as strong as her.
You are a lot younger than me as you have young children but I’m also more aware of my own mortality and as a mum very much modelled in my own mum’s parenting where her children were her life I think about what I’d want for my own children and that is to be sad I’ve gone but not hold on too tight so they can continue with their lives without feeling weighed down by grief so I think I’m trying to do that too.
I want to tell my mum things too, we talked everyday and when I finish work it’s so hard not being able to pick up the phone and tell her the minutiae of my day and listen to her tell me what she’s cooking, who popped by etc. I wish we didn’t have to go through this and I’m sorry you lost your mum whilst you’re still young and needed her more xx
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I love a good clean and it helps me too.
Sending lots of love I think we’re at a similar time frame as I lost my mum just over two months ago xx
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Hi @Granzi I hope your week at work was ok.
I think you’re right about the flat, it’s going to be hard when it’s sold.
It’s weird because I stop myself going there because it’s sad but then sometimes I feel like I’m pretending she’s still sat in her armchair watching tv so like this evening when I finished work I felt like I had to go there so I could believe that she’s gone 
but it’s so empty and I feel sad that she loved her little home abs felt safe there and she didn’t know on that last ambulance trip she wouldn’t be coming back…
it’s so tough all of this xx
I am really miss my dad today. The flat feels so quiet ,he was noisy,always singing ,making us tea and cake etc. It’s going to take sometime to learn how to be alone.
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I’m so sorry @Redlady the quietness is awful. I popped to my mum’s flat yesterday and just the quietness was upsetting. She was quite a loud person especially as she got older and her hearing deteriorated I was always telling her to be a bit quieter, which I wish I hadn’t now but the quietness seems to amplify the loss.
I’m sorry you’ve had a bad day I hope you can get back on an even keel and your evening or tomorrow is better xx
Hi @DollyP5 - my week at work was ok and was working all weekend too…. Tired today …… My mum’s flat was lovely, it was small but cosy, when my 3 children were little we would all stay there, despite there being no room! It will be so sad when my mum’s flat sale goes through. It was my Grandma’s birthday last week, I feel sure her and my Mum are together again.
I hope you are doing ok and thank you for checking in xxx
Ah I hope you can have a rest now. I’m back to work tomorrow I only work part time but actually being at work feels quite good for me.
I have a day with my grandson today which I also enjoy although every time he does someone funny or cute I feel a little sadness that my mum can’t see him, she was so excited to be a great grandma.
My mum’s flat is little too but like yours cosy and my children have had so many sleepovers there when they were young so it’ll be another sadness when it’s gone but the emptiness at the moment is sad too. I hope you don’t find it too hard and have you got some photos of it so you can keep those to remind you of the happy times.
It’s comforting to think of loved ones being re united isn’t it and I’m sure they are and I keep thinking they’re having the best time.
Take care of yourself, gets some rest and catch up soon xx
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I feel your pain and understand, always here anytime