Missing my mum

I have recently lost my my mum 2nd March and I’m absolutely devastated she was my everything we did everything together she went into hospital with Covid and never recovered she was due to retire this year and about to become a great nan I just feel she was robbed of so much the pain I’m feeling is unbearable I feel so lost and alone and I just want to see her I’m trying to help my son who is also hurting she was such a big part of his life but how can I help him when I can’t even help myself?

I’m so sorry @Mandyj1 that’s absolutely heartbreaking for you. I wish I could take away this awful pain - I lost my mum last month and I really know how devastating it is. This is a great place for support and kindness from so many people who understand what you are going through.

Take care, keep posting - lots of here know what this loss feels like xx

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Dear @Mandyj1,

The feelings you are describing show how much your mum meant to you and how you are grieving her loss. I remember all too well how I felt when I lost my mum in September 2018.
We have one son, who is 19 now, and has lost all 3 grandparents in the last 4 years. We often gave each other a big hug, which helped just as much as talking, but he knew I was always there for him if he wanted to talk.
How old is your son and is he able to talk with you about how he feels?
Its is good you have joined this community. As NPM said. there are lots of people on here who can understand how you feel and I hope that their posts and replies will bring you some comfort and support.

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Hi jo
He’s just turned 15 his first birthday without his Nan he tries to tell me how he feels then he goes quiet we lived with my mum so he has now taken to sleeping in her bed and he tells me he tends to cry at night because he doesn’t want me to see him cry I’ve got him a book on bereavement it’s child friendly and I always ask how he’s doing we have never lost anyone before who was just the most amazing person ever so we are trying to get through it as best as we can

That’s the same age my son was when my dad died. It was his first bereavement too. My dad was a wonderful grandad. He only had two grandchildren and loved them both so much. It was really hard for him. I did inform the school and his form teacher, so that they were aware of it and could offer him support or counseling if he needed it. Maybe your son’s school has that option too? It is good that he feels he can tell you about crying at night. He sounds like my son, not wanting to upset you, and us not wanting to upset them, but I don’t think we should try to hide our tears from each other. It is a natural way to express our grief and share our sadness. As you say, we try to get through it as best we can, There is no rule book, we just have to follow our hearts.

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Thank you jo for your kind words I really appreciate it x

Hi mandy

I lost my mum suddenly 21 months ago. She lived with me and brought up my daughter with me who was 12 when she died.

It was such a shock to us both and my daughter had never experienced loss before.

My mum went into hospital for a minor operation but suffered a coincidental brain hemorrhage.

I talked to my daughter honestly and openly and we cried buckets together. We still cry regularly although my daughter has immersed herself with her phone and her friends.

I would not avoid crying infront of your son and I would encourage him to talk about how he is feeling.
My daughter put her name down for group counselling at school but lockdown came. Now she doesnt feel that she needs it.

It’s so hard when you are grieving for your mum but feeling your childs pain too.

Even now we cant believe she died

Cheryl x

Thank you Cheryl I’m trying to help him deal with everything and I’ve even mentioned counselling should we both need it I’ve been told it’s early days yet and we should give ourselves time to grieve is it to early I don’t know? Loosing my mum was such a massive shock and I’ve never felt pain like this not only did I live with my mum I worked with her holidayed and socialised with her she was only 65 but she was so young at heart and has left not only a massive hole in our hearts but with everyone she worked with and that’s another hurdle I have to face is returning to work without her in her office