Missing my mum

On Christmas Eve, my mum died. She was only 71 and it was absolutely not expected. I have been doing OK up until now since I got over the shock if it all and we got the answers we needed from the hospital. Today I am a mess. Today I miss her more than ever. Today it is my birthday but I don’t feel happy, I just feel sad and overwhelmed again. I can’t think of any happy times, I just keep getting the images from critical care in my head. Please tell me the first year is the worst and that I will adapt and learn to cope? I need to have my happy face on by the morning when I see my children.

Hi EJ,

I’m the community manager here, and I just wanted to reply to say hello and welcome to the site. I am so sorry to read about the sudden death of your mum - it sounds as though it was a terrible shock, and at Christmas as well.

I’m glad to see that you have already got started joining in with other conversations on the site, and that you have had a reply from another member here: https://support.sueryder.org/community/coping-death-loved-one/mum-died-yesterday#post-2479

I hope that it helps a little bit to have this space to write down your feelings and be among others who understand.

I’m sorry to hear that your birthday was so difficult - it is normal to find special occasions like this difficult. Yes, most people say that, in time, grief does become more manageable and it is easier to recall the happy memories. It is a slow process, so be kind to yourself.

How old are your children? You don’t always have to be strong in front of them - letting them know that you are sad can help them understand that it’s natural to be upset and that they don’t have to bottle up their own feelings.

We have some more information about talking to children about grief, written by some of the experts at our hospices: http://support.sueryder.org/practical-emotional-advice/how-can-i-support-child-bereavement