Hey all, just reaching out, my mum passed unexpectedly June 10th 2022. It was unexpected.
She had mentioned to me via video call only 5 days before she passed, that she had constant heartburn/ indegiston. I did tell her go to doctors, but as mums are, she told me ill be ok. She will just take heartburn aid.
That day i was out with my ex who remain great freinds, laughing and joking. Even got my mum with the video call to talk to a drag queen at our local gay bar. She laughed so much and smiled at us both stating have a good evening. ( i can still picture and remember the chat ) (i live nearly 120 miles away.
All seemed well next few days until i had a phone voicemail from my sister at 8am. Saying my mum was in hospital very ill. I need to get there asap. Living a distance, and no car i arranged a train. Got to preston then found out it was delayed… my sister then called saying she has hours to live. I panicked knowing train was not available so hired a taxi, knowing it would take atleast 2 hours. On my way i had the call in the taxi on my own. She had passed. That call changed my life. Couldnt get there any sooner. I wish i could. I got there and she was so peacfull in a room with my estranged brother and 3 sisters. She had gone and i still punish myself i wasnt there… even tho i live far away we were so close. She was my best freind and visiting so regulary.
She passed from bronchial pneumonia. They couldnt do anything as she was a smoker.
I still cant except it. I should of been there earlier to say goodbye. Now im left with feeling of guilt. I should of done something. The reason im writing this is because its not many weeks away from her anniversay of her death, but i just miss her and dont know how long this pain will last xxx
I know this won’t ease your pain but it sounds like you have a strong relationship with your mum and you did everything you could to get to the hospital.
I cared for my Dad when we found out he had cancer and I have struggled with feelings of guilt since I lost my father (nearly 5 months ago). Mostly guilt that I didn’t know he was ill sooner and that I couldn’t save him. From reading other people’s posts on here guilt and grief go hand in hand. I think it is the life time of memories and love that are important and in time I hope the focus shifts to only this.
I can’t offer any advice on how long the pain will last or when the feelings of guilt may ease but I just wanted to say that i am thinking of you.
Have you spoken to a councellor at all? No need to answer and I know it’s not for everyone. When I have spoken to my councellor about feelings of guilt she has asked me would it have changed anything? E.g. If I had known the cancer had spread, would it change the outcome for my dad (no).
I am so sorry for your loss, I lost my mum 2 years ago and I’m back to square one. It’s all resurfacing the loss I first felt and losing that unconditional love. I’ve just moved closer to my son’s and grandchildren whether temporary I don’t know. I’ve book to see bereavement counsellor next week. I really feel for you. You will get past this, I never really dealt with it earlier.
I am so sorry for your loss. It’s heartbreaking. I hope you are doing ok.
I too live 120 miles away and can relate to your experience. We had a video call to the day before. I feel guilty for not going home for over four weeks. We have to focus on the positives. It’s hard but we have to.
