Missing my sister and my dad

I lost my sister to cancer nearly two years ago, just eighteen months after our lovely Dad died. I miss them both so much. My sister was only 51 and had so much to live for. I have been feeling so guilty that I couldn’t save her and for not giving up work to go and be with her and her family. It was this time two years ago that the secondaries in her brain meant she could no longer communicate easily so phone calls were difficult. I spent a week with her in the November and saying goodbye and driving away back home was the hardest thing I have ever done. I wish I had a time machine and could go back again to hug her and tell her how much I love her. I would not let go. There is a huge hole in my life where she used to be. She was the best little sister you could wish for, funny, clever and kind, fiercely loyal and so courageous. I have thrown myself into work and which helps in some ways but feel all at sea about how to grieve.

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Hello @BigSister2,

I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry for the loss of your sister and your dad. Two such enormous losses in such a short time must be very difficult. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

You have said that you feel all at sea about how to grieve, so I wanted to share some of our Sue Ryder resources with you, which may help.

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,


Im so sorry for your loss and what you are going through, my little sister died 17 months ago, cancer, we didnt get to say bye as dr were treating her for infection so we didnt know she was actually dying, my Dad was found dead on his bathroom floor 4 months ago, he phone dr day before but they chose not to see him and said throat infectio, he was found in a pool of blood, brain hemorrhage, myself and my other sister were left to clean it up, my ada dud have lung cancer and was told 18 months earlier he had 2 months to live. I had a break down on christmas eve and today is hard, its my wedding anniversary and it was my sister that drove me to my wedding, so many memories hit us through out the year, catch us off guard and we relive the worst days of our lives again, im beginning to think peoe dont really understand the sibling loss unless they have experienced it and were close to them, a part of us has died too, grief comes in all forms and has no time limit, my thoughts are with you

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Lean.mil is so right, people do not understand sibling loss and tend to dismiss our feelings. I am 4 years on and my life has never been the same. I am careful whom I share my pain with, because most people think I should be “over it” by now. Thus I suffer in silence. Our grief is also compounded by the loss of a parent, as I also lost my Mum several years prior to the tragic death of my little Sister. Like you BigSister2, I have thrown myself into work, keeping busy as a way to run from the grief. But one cannot outrun the grief monster. Your sister sounds so much like mine, funny & fierce, brave and loyal, an exceptional person whom we could use more of in this world. Lean-mil and BigSister2, my heart goes out to you both, especially at this difficult time of year when we are facing another painful year without our precious sisters. From one Sad Sister to another I am here to listen and support you. Take care and hold on tight to the beautiful memories they left us with. Xxx :broken_heart:


Such kind words, thank you

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