We lost our son on February 16th 2024 it’s been the worst year of my life. He was 33 and was hit by a vehicle while out running. He was on life support for a week until they had to turn it off. I think starting 2025 as a year that he has never lived in has been so hard. We havnt got the inquest until April and I just feel like every day gets harder. People have fallen away or just expect me to be my usual self but I’m a changed person now. I’ve got a whole encompassing sadness that never leaves. I’m still crying every day and the pain is physical.
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Grief is awful isn’t it ? No 2 days feel the same. I lost my eldest son in November, we don’t have a cause yet, it was a total shock.
I felt like you at New Year, I was leaving Ben behind in the old year. My youngest son kept telling me it’s just another day and he’s right but I think you sort of look forward and new year is like a fresh start.
I’ve been reading various quotes about grief, some help, others make me angry !
This is one I like.
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Thankyou for your kind words. Losing a child is something we dread but don’t actually think will ever happen. When they are small we do everything to keep them safe then when they are grown we check on them to make sure they’re keeping themselves safe. .
Our celebrant at his funeral said “ grief is love with nowhere to go, the more we loved the more we grieve”
That meant a lot to me
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Yes it’s just the most heart wrenching thing to happen. Something you never imagine.
Shortly after we lost Ben we were emptying his house and I just broke down, I remember saying ‘ I couldn’t save him, I couldn’t protect him’
I will always think this, it’s our job isn’t it ?
That’s what parents do.
I’m learning to go day by day, some days are nearly ‘normal’ but then the guilt kicks in.
I know someone who lost her daughter 7 years ago, she told me that you learn to live with the grief, it doesn’t become less but it becomes more bearable.
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That must have been really difficult. Andy’s wife boxed up his things and we arrange a courier to bring them home. Seeing his guitars and all his favourite things arriving home without him was almost too much and I was inconsolable.
I feel guilt I couldn’t save him I feel guilt that he was used for transplants even though he carried a card. You’re right that’s it’s our role
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Ben lived alone in a Housing Association house and we only had 4 wks to deal with it.
He has an 8 yr old son who lives with his mum, I’ve sorted out all his bits but most of Ben’s things are still in boxes waiting for me to deal with them.
I’ve done most of his paperwork now, but that’s awful too, having to say the same things and provide the interim death certificate.
I have mixed feelings about being a donor, obviously it’s a wonderful thing for the people that are helped.
I think guilt is one of the things we have to learn to live with, and we probably don’t even deserve it.
I’m lucky that Ben lives on in his son, but I’ve never seen anything of him in Ezra. He’s so like his mums side of the family in looks.
Everything changes doesn’t it, how we behave, how we look at things and even reactions to things.
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It must be a comfort to have your grandson and maybe he will be more like your son as he gets older either way he carries your son’s genes and a little bit of him lives on. Sorting everything out after a death is so draining isn’t it? We arranged Andy’s funeral and have been the contact for the police and coroner but other than that his wife has had the most to do. She had to move out of their flat recently because she can’t afford it on her own ( London) .
Ben has passed on his love of music and WWE wrestling !
It’s very draining sorting things out and it’s also the very worst time to have to do it.
That must be hard for your daughter in law to leave the home she shared with your son.