Walking my dogs today and saw a familiar lady, broke down and she was sweet but sed have i otther children, said yes another son and she sed thats a consolation, she meant well bit its not, he was unique and loved individually.
There’s a misconception that we will be ok because we have other children .
I do think our surviving children keep us going but it doesn’t stop the yearning for our lost child and never will .
xx
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Ive not walked from home yet, I’ve driven away for dog walks, its annoying my husband but I don’t want to see anyone. I just get told I need to be strong for my husband and son, I have no strength to be strong. Yes I was strong on my sons 18th but have now cried for 3 days solid. Unless they have been in this position they will never know our pain
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No they wont know our pain.
I cant drive away for dog walks as i have two newfoundlands and theyre giant.
Sometimes i see people and say im ok and others i break down.
U dont have to be strong for snyone but yourself, thats what im telling myself.
I talk to him on my dog walks and it helps me. I cry but i dont care.
X
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When I see people and they say Hi, ok? I always say hi, yes! Think it’s easier thank speaking the truth xx
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I haven’t any other children, I’m lost today crying xx
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I do the same, easiest option, if not I just ignore them, I know that is rude but sometimes I just can’t be bothered, they can take it or leave it as far as I’m concerned and as I am in meltdown at the moment all through a phone call that doesn’t help. Will be glad when today is over. Sorry I’m full of doom and gloom 
xx
I’m really sorry you’re feeling so bad today. I know there’s nothing I can say to take the pain away, I wish there was xx
Thank you, tomorrow is another day which will be better. Sorting out paperwork for the solicitor. Hope you are ok xx
Thank you. Today I feel so restless moving things around in the house, not sure if it helps or not as it won’t bring him back. Yesterday ended up a right off after speaking to the solicitor then a phone call to the water board about my sons flat. My temper is out of control and I can’t seem to do anything about it. I have never had any patience but at the moment it is minus patience with me. How are you feeling. I e had a nice walk this morning round the cliffs xx
I felt okish when I got up this morning after going to cemetery yesterday. I get more comfort at home than at cemetery, I feel he’s here not there. Sounds bizarre I know!
I was upset this morning when I went of Facebook, one of his friends had put a lovely post (including photo) about the anniversary (I hate that word, but how else do you describe it?). It’s so lovely to know other people, outside the family haven’t forgotten, but why would they, he was so lovely, kind and loving.
What I’d give for one of his bear hugs right now 
xx
I would give anything for one of my sons big hugs and telling me he loved me. I bet peace talking to him, and I find it really helps writing my journal. Glad you went to the cemetery, it’s not easy. The sun is shining so let’s try to be a bit positive if only for a few minutes. Take care xx
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