Hi Moz again.
Thanks for the reply. I’m simply wrecked with all this should/have could have/if only business. It only leads to one lonely, ugly place - a dead-end. His GP, Heart Failure Nurses and Hospital Staff failed him, I have details/dates in my diary of errors and omissions. However, it was my job to to ensure I fought for Dennis so in the end I feel I am the one who ultimately failed him. It’s just all too much for me. Take care Moz.
Hello Skylark
I haven’t taken any medication although I do have a box of unopened Sertraline. Will have to do something though soon as I’m just now totally wrecked and at my wits end, woken up today so desperate. Hope today is kind to you.
Hi Tina,that’s what I thought as I have been following your posts,they won’t up my dose as they said it won’t help with grief I am know expert but just by what you have been saying I thought that some medication would help you,but only you and your doctor know what you have discussed so it’s between you and them.I went to see the phyciatric nurse today,he just listens but he does say everything I feel and say is normal,so I am not going to listen to relatives anymore and just carry on the way I am doing whether that’s on my own or not
HI moz, I have been after answers since November and have heard nothing back I keep trying but am now cross because I feel it shouldn’t of took so long and it is hard enough to cope with the loss of a love one never mind trying to get answers.If you are in the medical profession then what chance have I got, my last try is to go through pals at the hospital but not sure if I have the energy now it hashall been so exhausting.
Hi Tina, please don’t blame yourself, it wasn’t your job at all - it’s their job, it really is. I think lots of bereaved people feel like we do. I don’t even know if I’m right about the treatment Barry received - I may be proved wrong (I hope I am) and then I’ll know that it was just very bad luck and no-one could have saved him. Actually he had been diagnosed with something that would have shortened his life anyway but we had a couple of years to look forward to and we were going to really make the most of it, and then he just died, just like that, in the space of 48 hours, from a stupid infection. I think we all want them back so much and it’s almost impossible to accept that we can’t have that, so start we looking for explanations and reasons. I hope you can see that you didn’t fail Dennis at all.
Hi Skylark, I now what you mean about not having the energy to cope with making a complaint. I would say that Pals may be a good idea, as I know that many people in similar situations go through Pals from the start and that’s what I’m going to do. 21 years ago I made a complaint through them about some treatment I received and they resolved the issue for me and I felt better about it after that. I don’t think me being a health professional helps me much - they probably think I’m a pest and a know-it-all and that I shouldn’t be criticising my fellow professionals, but unfortunately I know that we’re all human and capable of making mistakes. If you’re keen to know stuff or feel something has gone wrong I think it can help your grieving process to find out, but everyone’s different. I wasn’t sure whether I could face delving into it but then I mentioned it to a work colleague and she convinced me that I wasn’t over reacting, so I’m going to go ahead.
Moz - Thanks for your comments, I’m just so consumed with thoughts of my husband and how things could have turned out differently. This is compounded by the fact that Dennis was on the same ward as the Grandmother on the news that died because she had not been seen in 3 days because there was another patient present with the same name. It has no bearing in reality but things like that cloud your rational thinking. We were in a North West top Heart Hospital but you would never have guessed.
Skylark - Glad to hear the psychiatrist visits are doing you good. If you are making progress with him thats really hopeful. My Dr said he would go through Dennis records with me but said it may well be that I may not like what I heard. Could I take any further distress, it’s like being stuck between the Devil and the deep blue see. Not doing good right now - Take care both.