Missing my wife two months on

Two months today I spoke with my loving wife Balbir for the last time.
We shared a bacon sandwich each in bed and afterwards although very quite/subdued (not like her normal self) I showed her a picture of some rabbits on the Google homepage of my tablet.
AW! She giggled saying that’s nice.
She read Mills/Boons books in bed always and then she fell asleep, I stayed awake listening to 70s music which we did every Friday, Saturday, I tugged her shoulder and as a joke stated ; You married a nut case, Balbir turned her head around looking at me and smiled.

Miss you dearly, your politeness, caring loving demeanor, words of comfort and support.
My red haired lady full of kindness, warmth .
My love you have broken my heart leaving me in pain, sorrow.

Hi Ravinder i truly understand your pain and im very sorry for your loss .This special club is wonderful but either you or i or the rest of the members really cant believe we are in it .Magic formula to getting back on your feet i wish i knew it (which being honest there isnt 1 ).The nightmare throws up little or big emotional setbacks at times when we dont expect it .Keep coming back here the wonderful thing is no one ever tells you or others to get on with life .Ive been told this and its like a red rag to a bull to say the least Try to take care try to eat and sleep and function in a way that can get you up and outside at least once a day .All the best to you Colin (57)

Gets harder, harder for today is the day my wife had her operation, ten hours of emergency life saving surgery.

Operation was not bad as the surgeon cited but it would take weeks/months even for her to heal, prepared to wait but ten days later due to sepsis something I’ve never heard of , took my wife from this world.

Hospitals need to take control and deal with this silent killer, too many people are suffering like myself, need to warn and make individuals more aware of it.


Remembering you always my love Balbir.

The hurt is sad and excruciating.
Thanks Colin P I’m also 57 and share you thoughts.

Hi Ravinder my wife had numerous operations and hospital stays i completely understand your feeelings and the shock of your loss .My only contact with people on a fregulasr basis where hospital staff ranging from support workers all the way up to intensive care doctors and staff (they were my friends ) .So hospitals i fully understand in detail .You probably work a different way to me .I refuse to re visit her operation date etc .By doing this i know i would be looking for a high building to jump off .Im not saying your wrong at all .But i cant function by re visiting the horrors (i stll get flashbacks as it is .Ravinder i hope you can at some stage you can find some stability to venture into the new world you dont want to be part of without your wife .Ihope i help and dont sound lecturing Colin

Hi Ravinder, so sorry to hear of your loss. I lost my husband to sepsis at the beginning of December. I wholeheartedly agree about the need for hospitals to tackle the problem. When he died, I asked for donations to the Sepsis Trust instead of flowers. I feel very let down by the hospital care my husband received. I feel your pain, the world can be so so cruel.

Hello Moz
I too feel let down by the NHS care my Husband received. They made errors and missed opportunities and I should have challenged every move they made ( or didn’t ). It’s adds to the pain. Take care Moz, Ravinder and Colin.

HI MOZ, I lost my husband on the 9th October to a heart attack he went into to hospital to have a stent put In and got sepsis.my husband was happy with his care but I have questions that I would like answered and have been waiting to see heart specialist since end of November,I am now angry having waited so long and having to push for this whilst grieving that I’m not sure now if I can be calm enough to speak to the hospital.he was only 51 and a healthy man up to this point.I don’t know how we all get through this nightmare we have no choice but to ride it out,I go to bed hoping I don’t wake up.

Hello Debbie Skylark.
Things are so hard arent they. I personally feel disappointed when I wake up too, it’s not a good situation is it. This Sepsis is cropping up a lot in this forum isn’t, it’s heartbreaking. Take care.

Hi Ravinder,I had heard of sepsis as a friend had it after a straight forward operation (He fully recovered)when I saw this on a report the doctor gave me I was so worried but because my husband had other problems I was equally worried about them all.I’m wondering now if the sepsis gave him his heart attack,I am waiting to see specialist to find out why it happened,I left him to nip home for a bit I was only home half an hour and they phoned me to tell me he was being resuscitated.I just can’t believe he passed away so quickly I never got to say goodbye I did tell him I loved him everyday though.this is so hard for us all.take care of yourself

Thanks Tina,I’ve had a bad week this week after thinking I was coping I now find myself scared and so lost and sad.I don’t have relatives locally and put a face on for friends when I do see them.I have tried to keep myself busy most of the time but I’m finding it harder and harder to get out of bed it was 4 o’clock the other day I even missed my apointnment at Doctors I just forgot.x

So sorry you had a setback. You lost your Husband just 3 days after me and I too feel it’s getting more difficult. it may be something that happens around this time-frame. For the first 5 weeks I could hardly get out of bed and again, recently I have felt that way again. I found myself telling family I feel so scared as well. I darent go out so at least I don’t have to put a face on for anyone, that’s something. Would your sister be able to spend some time with you and stay over perhaps. Take care.

Hi Tina sorry for delay in replying.I managed to get more sleeping pills off doc as I’m up all night now.regards my sister she can’t come at the moment as my brother has to have a operation on his back and he is waiting on a date so she will be looking after him.my friend visits once a week and my daughters pop in once a week,it still feels like a long time before I see anyone I have have never known for time to go so slow.I don’t want to moan on here its just all so depressing,take care.x

Hi skylark my opinon is theres no such thing as moaning on here .Are you going through average day things no your in a nightmare you cant turn your back on .Ok put in your terms if your moaning moan on skylark if you cant do it on here .Then im stumped as to where you can .This special club is for offloading whenever .Dont you dare hold back (i mean that in a careing way ) we are all here to listen to everybody Colin

Hi Colin thanks,I just feel there’s only so much you can say about our grief.it’s crap it stinks,it’s horrible just trying to get by each day trying to think of new things to do its all we can do really I think

Hi skylark just a thought for now or future if you like dogs maybe get a puppy ? or any other pet .They all have daily needs so to me its healthy enjoyable structure for you to enjoy in your own world Colin

Hi Colin yes it has been suggested to me and have been thinking of it as I have lots of thoughts just scared at the moment that I never carry any of them out as it is early days to make decisions and don’t want to rush into things.did you find council in any good

Council ?

Hello skylark. I am not sleeping well either but I put it down to the fact that I am still only getting up very late in the mornings. It’s not through laziness but I try to delay waking up for the obvious feelings we all experience. It’s worse if the sun is out because I immediately think “Dennis would like this.”. A dog is a good idea if you are emotionally up to it. But sometimes you need all your energy for yourself. As you probably know a little puppy is like an inquisitive toddler and requires watching like a hawk. If you get an older rescue dog you would have the companionship but would have to steel yourself for what may be to come. I ‘live’ inside my head myself and anything outside of my front door doesn’t seem real. It’s like my environment outside is too big and is a frightening place, like I have lost the confidence to be part of the outside world. I have said before I feel like a spoilt brat when I say there is no point - but it really does seem that way. Take care

Hi Tina,yes I to think it’s because I get up so late mostly 3 or 4 in the afternoon I wasn’t a good sleeper before all this happened so it’s a lot worse now,Did you start your medication.regards getting a dog it will be very much in the future if I get one as I know how much work and energy it would take I’m just thinking of things to do for the future whether I carry them out is another matter.best wishes to you.

Hi Tina again, sorry I’m only just learning how to navigate around this website, I’m not used to this sort of thing. Don’t be harsh on yourself, I’ve been doing the same, thinking what I should have done. I’m a health professional myself and even work in the field of medical negligence and did speak up at times but it’s different when you’re on the other side of the fence as the wife. I feel guilty because maybe I should have spotted what was going wrong, but it’s not my fault, they should have looked after him better. I’m thinking of looking into it, I know it won’t bring him back but I need to settle my mind in case others may suffer the same thing.