Missing my wife

I’m not coping feeling very depressed than usual funeral yesterday 17th Jan 2019 couldn’t stop crying through out service now I’m alone all quite

Pretty shit isn’t it. My wife passed away 12 weeks ago and so far no better really. Still the rears flow and the feeling of depression hangs over me. I must admit though the time between my crying has lengthed a bit. But when they start they start. Keep posting and reading it helps somehow x

Hello
You are bound to be feeling very down,your wife’s funeral only yesterday,don’t think there is any right way you are supposed to feel,and i wouldn’t have any expectations on how you should be coping.Crying is totally normal,and helps to release the tension we feel inside.Grief is the strangest experience i have ever known,many on here understand that too,you can say how you are feeling on here and someone will always listen.Just take it day by day.You are not alone on here xx

My wife Sandra passed away just over 6 months ago. Up to last week I thought I was coping quite well, keeping busy and filling my life doing things to fill the tme. Then a couple of things happened and talking to some people, I suddenly realised I had just been running away from my grief. I have since signed upon this forum as well as taking the advice given to me and attending a walk in centre for those affected by cancer, which is what claimed my wife. I guess there is no time scale on coming to terms with the loss of a partner, just little steps. My best wishes to you all xx

Hi Swanjack71
It’s good you are getting some help and support now.I don’t think you are on your own ,when you say you were running away from your grief.So many keep busy,and fill time.Destracting ourselves from grief is a way of coping at the time.Like you realised you sometimes have to slow down and just be still with your grief,it’s hard as then you have to process how you are really feeling,but in my opinion this is a step forward.My husband passed last March,i’m still working through how i’m feeling,i live day to day,and yes the small steps will get us there,wherever that may be.Best wishes to you too Swanjack x

Thank you Robina. Although it’s two weeks since your reply, I still feel no further forward. I lack the incentive to do jobs around the house, even the mundane day to day ones. At times i am scouring tv and catch up just to find something to fill my day. My wife and I always felt I would cope well if I were left on my own, but the reality is very different.

Hi Swanjack71
I understand that feeling of searching,iv’e been searching for i don’t know what since the first day this journey started.As i look back i have done some things,painted the yard ,gate,walls in the living room.Must admit even while doing it i could sense myself thinking “why am i bothering”.and i didn’t have any feeling of satisfaction from achieving any of it.I have lost interest in TV,if i really want to watch something it’s usually a dvd or boxset.I read more than i ever did and i paint.
This morning i have been thinking,i do a lot of thinking,Iv’e had a few worse days lately,and it’s all down to how i look at each day that comes,nothing is going to change,unless it’s thought about or approached from the mind in a different way.I can get up and think the same,and get more of the same or i can get up and think ok i will add some more mental courage and do the mundane with better thoughts,it’s a sort of pretending not that everything is ok because it will never be.Sorry for waffling on ,yes the reality is very different ,no one could ever foresee the effect this has on our life.You only see that when your in the midst of it.
Sorry Swanjack wish i had some concrete answers for you on how to get enthusiasm and interest back,but i really don’t think there is any,it’s all to do with the mindset,how we see it all,that,s how we will get through this.Hope you find some better thoughts soon to move you forward,they will come.Take care x

This is the thing, what’s the point anymore. The garden, why make it nice I only kept it nice for Denise. Bought a greenhouse but what’s the point, I won’t eat any stuff I grow. The house I do keep on top of, she would go mad if I let it go. Just all so meaningless now. What a Croc of ####!

But you must still make the garden nice for Denise, maybe create a little remembrance garden. Somebody I know created a fairy garden in memory of his wife as she loved fairies. I think it’s great that you’ve bought a greenhouse and it could provide you with a purpose and even give you some relief from your grieving. Distraction is good Stevie.

Your right in that distraction is good. Its that time when you sit and think about why your doing what your doing. I think because now I seem to have so much time on my hands.

How I miss the physical contact. Holding hands, a hug, just even a touch. The cuddle in the bed before the day begins. Looking up and catching her eyes looking back. I’d give anything just to hold her hand and cross the road one more time.

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