Missing so much

We lost our daughter 32 less than a month ago. She had been fighting cancer for 9 years but during that time she lost her son , our grandson aged 8 in 2017 and her grandad , my dad 5 months later in 2018. . During that times we got to be together as a family but this time we have been separated and can not grieve together. I know we are all in the same boat but it hurts not being able to comfort those I love and grieve together.

Dear Frin

I’m so desperately sorry you’ve lost your daughter…there are no words I can offer you. To know you also lost your father and grandson too…my heart breaks for you.

It’s so difficult having such loss on top of loss - especially when you can’t be with loved ones. :cry::broken_heart: I lost my son last October, he was thirty. In January I lost a nephew who tragically took his own life…his mother, my sister in law, was fighting cancer and had to bury her son. She contracted Covid19 and died on the 20th March. Most of the family are unable to go to the funeral and we’ve been unable to comfort each other as we would like. I know your pain.

I’m thinking of you and send love and hugs.

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Dear Finn and purple, so sorry for both your loses, I lost my son six month ago he was 34, the worse thing in my life losing a child, he died in spain, spoke to him everyday, the night before he died he was saying how he was so happy and was coming home the next week, but never heard from him again, the pain of not hearing from him, I know something was wrong, it was a week until my ex husband decided that he thought something was wrong but I knew in my heart, then I got the phone call I had been dreading, he was in the villa , died of carbon dioxide, knowing he was there a week on he’s own and had died just breaks my heart, the pain, as a mother, I should of been there to protect him , sometime just don’t want to be here anymore so I can’t have this pain, this is so unfair,I just keep saying why, why has this happened, and cry myself to sleep every night

Dear Helen2
I’m so sorry you’re with us in this club of bereaved parents and for losing your lovely son. Please don’t blame yourself my friend, it sounds like a terrible accident. Guilt makes grief harder to manage- that’s speaking from my own experience. My son Henry died from an accidental overdose- both prescription and recreational drugs. I blamed myself so much. Life is full of what ifs. Our sons were loved and they knew that.
I find solace in knowing that Henry didn’t suffer…he slipped away unaware from this world - albeit far too soon. I have found meditating helps me keep calm and stops the horrible churn of emotion. I also think it’s just today I’m not seeing him, that thought somehow makes it easier.

I know every day without Henry takes me closer to him too, as my own time lessens. We all have much to live for and the gift of life is precious and fleeting.

I hope you can find some peaceful moments amongst the pain. Thinking of you.

So hard atm, not being able to hug him or see him, and knowing that going to be for the rest of my life just unbearable love helen

I know…it’s the worst pain Helen. An actual physical pain which none of us should ever have to feel.

Let the tears come, they do ease it.

Purple x

I just get this overwhelming feeling and the tears just start flooding down, I will be go to be with Daniel as I do every week , it just don’t fell real and it is my son, and don’t think it ever will be

Hi Helen2…I do understand exactly what you must be going through, for my son died under similar circumstances…Christian was on his own in his flat, I had not heard from him for a couple of days even though I tried to get through to him on both his landline and mobile…on the Monday morning I woke with a dreadful feeling that something was wrong my husband drove straight up to where he lived I was so terrified what we would find so I stayed home…then I got the phone call from my husband saying he was dead…we had to have an inquest and he died from heart arrhythmia it still seems unbelievable for he always seemed so fit and healthy…after over two years now I still panic when I think he was all alone,did he know what was happening if so he would been terrified , and these thoughts I will have to the end of my life and never to be able to say goodbye makes it even worse…
We on this forum know exactly what your thoughts are we have and are feeling the same.
Be strong…Marina xx

I understand- and perhaps that feeling will never pass…I saw Henry in his coffin and I will always have that image but it wasn’t my sunny full of beans child…that person has gone on to wait for me. I carry him with me each day, still sharing my life with him.

I wish we could all lose the pain but as that’s not possible let’s learn to live with it. Reluctantly of course.

Warmest wishes

Hi Purple.I was terrified the first time I went to see Christian, but when I saw him he looked so natural just like he was sleeping…we had a wicker casket for him and with it being Christmas time it was decorated with holly and natural foliage…I could have sat there with him for eternity.
Take care …Marina xx

I couldn’t go and see my son, it took a long time to get him back from Spain, then it was to late to see him, but then I’m not sure I would of wanted to go, seeing Daniel like that, that would have been the last image if him in my head, I’ve just got back from being with Daniel , sitting with him and crying, just asking why did this happen, life is so unfair and crawl , people out there that should not be here, and they still are, it’s just not far ,love Helen x

No, it’s not fair Helen. I couldn’t see Henry for three weeks and I was desperate to see him and say goodbye properly but it really didn’t seem like him. He had tattoos so I knew it was him, but of course his spirit had left and I was just looking at a shell. I can’t really explain it any better than that.

I am consoled some days…today is being kind to me…other days I’m plunged back into the pain and longing. Truly my good days now outweigh my bad…but the bad are still horrible :cry: I think this is my life now. I wouldn’t choose it this way but I’m putting up with it. I had and lost a beautiful child but at least I did have him. I’m thankful for that at least. When I leave this place I know my boy will be there waiting for me, smiling, and that keeps me going each day.

I hope you can find a way to live with what’s happened.

Purple x

That’s how I feel…so privileged Christian was my son even if not forever…but he will always be with me in my life…xx

I hope I will feel like that one day, but at the moment I just miss him so much it hurts x

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