Missing the love of my life.

Tomorrow will be 5 weeks since my gorgeous beautiful girlfriend lost her battle with life and took her own life .
She was so graceful,intelligent,kind ,caring ,loving ,Compassionate and passionate & she was an alcoholic.
In what was the final hrs with her in a video call ,she was scared ,and in fear she wasn’t going to make the end of the day .
I reassured her and supported her with my adoration and unconditional love .
She became calm and reassured and returned to her herself but I could see she was extremely intoxicated.
Whilst On This call she suddenly became agitated again and turned off the camera and I could her her in tremendous pain ,she said she had just tied to kill herself and I said I’m in my way darling I’ll be there in 20 mins “20 mins ? Please baby’s come over “….
The call got disconnected as I drove to her and kept calling her over and over …and when I arrived I could get in ,her phone unanswered as was her door bell I called the police but by the time we got in and the police arrived it was all too late .
My amazing incredible beautiful love of my life had killed herself . (Method removed by OC manager)

Being in a relationship with an alcoholic is a very traumatic and abusive one so much of the time ,but I didn’t ever loose faith in her ,believe in her and never did I unconditionally not love her no matter what .
But it simply wasn’t enough.
Her childhood ,teenage adverse childhood experiences,trauma and addiction was too much to live with .
She said in her thirties that she’s didn’t want to live to 50 years old .
She died just 4 weeks after her 50th birthday.
I know she is now at peace and no longer suffering.
She tried and tried to live a sober life and let go of the past ,but daily triggers ,family and the compulsion to drink when the triggers came ,was simply too tiring for her and as she said in those last minutes
“I just want salvation,peace and to not feel anything anymore “ .

As a survivor of a partner who took their own life by suicide the trauma and PTSD is a daily waking moment of the daily overwhelming feeling that is all encompassing.
And I feel so so alone in my grief and bereavement.


Dear @Adamstar1

I am sorry to hear of the loss of your girlfriend.

There is an organisation called SOBS (Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide) that has helpful resources and information which may be of help to you. You can get support by email on email.support@uksobs.org. Your email will be read and responded to by one of their volunteers.

I do hope this information will be of help to you.

Please continue to reach out. You are not alone.

Take care.


Hi so sorry for your loss . I am sorry but I can’t find the right words to help you . So horrendous and devastating don’t seem enough . But I just thought I would let you know . I am thinking of you and sending love and strength to try and help you . Keep reaching out on this site . It does help . Xtake carex

Dear Adamstar1,
Please accept a hug from me.
The pain of losing someone to suicide must be unbearable.
I haven’t suffered the same loss but did live with a survivor of childhood sexual abuse.
Witnessing first hand how much she had suffered throughout her life was so painful.
When she died unexpectedly after a fall, I felt devastated that just when she had started to enjoy life, it ended so tragically.
I so hope you find the peace you are seeking.
Try and take care of yourself and hang on to any good memories you shared with your loved one.
Much love, Dawn x.