My beautiful lady passed June 2020 after 5 years with cancer, she was so brave and selfless, we were together for 47 years, I know the grief won’t stop, don’t think I want it to, My love for her grows stronger each day, I have brief happy times but just long to be with my angel. 
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I know how you feel and I am so sorry. My wonderful husband died in June 2020 too so I am at the same stage as you. As you say, there are brief periods that are ok, but that underlying knowledge, that they won’t come back, is always there, clouding the issue. The ironical thing is, he would so hate it if he knew I am sad as he only ever wanted my happiness.
We have to carry on and think how lucky we were to have so many years together. Some don’t ever have that.
I wish you luck and, if not perfect happiness, some peace and happy memories, at least of before that dreadful disease changed everything.
Best wishes, Ann
Thank you Ann, my best wishes to you too, Kev.