Mixed emotions

Mixed emotions… I know my mum loved me, but I’m a sensitive soul and she could be very cutting towards me, always taking the other persons side and so cruel .at times . I looked after mam for 27 yrs after my darling dad passed ( i adored him , my heart was so broken, i was a daddy’s girl). Mam passed 18 months ago and I feel so much guilt at times … Mam fell in the street and broke her hip ! I sat on the pavement beside her for 6 hrs waiting for the ambulance and held her hand all night in casualty … Operation was successful but mam stopped eating and for 7 weeks a watched her fade away. I tried everything to get her to eat but she d given up !she was 84… But even during those last weeks she said some really nasty cruel things to me .So hurtful was one of her comments I stayed away for a few days , not realising she was dying !!! When I returned she said she never meant any of the things she said to me but that i always took them to heart!!! I held her hand when she could no longer speak during her last hours but i was encouraged to go home for a few hrs ( I should never of gone ) she passed while I was away… I feel let her down !! I feel so guilty at times … wish I could tell her I’m sorry…


I’m so sorry to hear about your mam, @Grey1. It sounds like her last few weeks were so difficult for you.

I’m just giving your thread a gentle, “bump” - I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support :blue_heart:

Hi @Grey1 ,

I have a rather similar story to you. After my father died I moved heaven and earth to move my Mum near my family so we could look after her. All she did was complain and moan and accuse me of taking away her independence even though she really couldn’t cope. She too broke her hip and refused to eat or try to get better. I discovered things she had written which were so hurtful and I too stayed away for a few days when it all got too much. She was a different person in the last year of her life. I tried my best but nothing was good enough. I am angry , guilty and consumed by the fact that I can’t grieve for my Mum as she was, but just have memories of how awful she was in her last year. I too missed her passing despite visiting daily. I understand how hard it is for you. I still feel like she is watching me and complaining about everything I do as I sort her house out. It is awful to feel so guilty when you tried your very best. Xxx

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Hi Grey1, so sorry to hear about your mam. You sound like an amazing and loving daughter to both your parents! Nothing there to feel guilty about.
As much as we’d like to be in control of things, sometimes something bigger takes over….depending on your beliefs this can be God or the Universe or just life🤷🏻‍♀️ it’s nobody’s fault and there’s nothing anyone can do….it just is.
I like to believe your mum is completely healed and well in a beautiful place and proud of how well looked after her💞
Be kind to yourself and know that you went above and beyond….because you are a sensitive and caring soul. Big hugs to you :hugs:

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Hi Suz192, so sorry to hear about what you’re going through. My deepest condolences to you :pray:t3:
Grief is so draining anyway and to go through other emotions as well….sometimes it’s just too much😔
You said you moved heaven and earth for your mum and that’s what drew me to your message. You sound like a devoted daughter, I can read that from your post :hugs: you made sure your mum would be ok after your dad and that’s what you should be proud of and hold on to. Know that you did the BEST. You sound lovely, big hugs to you :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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