I think its such a hard thing to deal with, deciding what to do with the ashes.
If you get comfort keeping them with you then that’s the right thing for you.
Keeping mums here just felt wrong to me. I felt that mum and dad should be reunited and by scattering them together yesterday near to where they grew up felt right. Yet, today I feel that the house is even emptied now that her ashes have gone.
Also I was worried that if we didn’t do it yesterday, we were never going to get it done and scared that if something happened to me, my daughter and partner would have several sets of ashes to deal with.
I dont think there is ever a wrong choice in these matters it’s just settling on making a decision that’s hard. X
Thank you - you are right we have to do what feels best for us. I had both my parents ashes scattered in the garden of remembrance - so cannot understand why I feel so different about Gary’s. xx
We never discussed the scattering of ashes either. I didn’t even know we could have the ashes as all my family were cremated and we never had the ashes returned, they must have been scattered at the crem. I feel so bad about my parent and grandparents now. My husband came back to his home town and is with his grandparents but I hate it when the weather is awful I think of him out there. But I did keep some of his ashes in a small urn and it’s on the coffee table along with some of his hair in a small box. I also have some ashes in a locket that I wear on special occasions, they give me comfort.
I know it’s probably not thought as the same thing but when my last dog died I had her cremated and I still have her ashes by the side of me. People asked me if I was going to scatter her ashes but she hated the rain and I would never have slept on a miserable night thinking of her out there. So she’s comfy in the warm. I should have done this for my husband also. Not keeping him at home is something I regret so much now.
Pat xx
I think you should look at it that you returned him to his home town and back with his family and that is so lovely. I dont regret scattering mum where I did on Thursday but I must admit when I put the heating on this morning, I did think about mums ashes being in the cold. Then I thought about the alternatives of keeping her in the wardrobe for years to come or even of bodies being 6 feet under ground and I was content with my decision.
It’s weird but my daily thought dont centre around her death, the funeral or her ashes. They are all of the days and weeks leading to her death when she was happy, funny, full of life and I just want to turn the clock back 4 and a half months x
What a thought provoking thread and perhaps a reminder that each of us should probably write down our own wishes to avoid such a dilemma when we leave this earth.
I still have Barry’s ashes and this thread reminds me that i really need to try to arrange their scattering on his parents’ grave…I don’t know why I am so reluctant to let them go because I know the urn does not contain his soul…that left when he died and has, surely, gone to a place of peace and beauty…his essence stayed and has lodged itself in my heart…ashes are just the remains of a shell no longer needed…the pearl is wherever we need it to be. X
It is interesting. The only thing my husband ever said was that I was to take him back to the mountains in Greece we walked/climbed so often. I made enquiries but found it wasn’t allowed. Which to be honest I was relived about. Not quite sure I wanted to climb up mountains on my own at my age. This is why I had some of his ashes put in a small urn but nearly a year on I just can’t let him go. I do agree though these ashes are not him. He is everywhere and always with me.
His ashes were originally going to a woodland site that belongs to his family. I was shown the place but it all felt wrong, I couldn’t quite understand. So I asked Brian to help me and let me know what he wanted. Two days later I found out that Brian would prefer to be in his home town with his beloved grandparents. The way I received his message was surprising but wonderful because I knew that Brian was with me and letting me know. So I honoured what he wanted and went against his family. We had a simple scattering of the ashes in the grave which had six inches moved and fresh turf put on top, for a few family and friends (his daughters wouldn’t attend) but my family did.
Perhaps one day I will go to those mountains but not yet. He also loved walking in Exmoor so perhaps I can cheat and take him there.
xx
My dad scattered mums ashes today on their favourite beach in the Isle of Wight. He wanted to do it alone. But I have my own little pot that stays with me for now. I kiss her every morning. I talk to her and light a candle next to her with her photo. Today is a painful day. Dad sent me a photo of the beach and I will go in the new year. Dad is currently in a hotel that they used to stay in together. He’s on his own having dinner. And it breaks my heart. But it was what he wanted
I hope you are ok after your dad scattered mums ashes today.
I wonder if I smothered my mum too much when my dad died as I didnt let her do anything alone. Your dad has gone to the hotel alone and I like spending time alone since mum died. Maybe I stopped my mum spending time alone. We threw her into decorating her home and looking after grandchildren because we wanted to make sure she was busy.
Anyway, glad your mums ashes are sorted. I am happy that we did my mums this week. It’s a strange ritual we go through when our loved one dies. Being cremated, receiving ashes,keeping them at home, scattering them etc. Its all very weird if you think about it
I wonder if my mum knows she is dead or whether you just die and that’s it.
Have a good night x
It’s not an easy decision but we have to accept the one we made
I have enough regrets over things that happened in the days before mum died, I’m not going to create more anguish now over the ashes!
I’m sure you have done what was right for you and brian x
Cheryl. If it had been my dad who died. I would have completely done the same with mum. I wouldn’t have left her for a minute. But my dad is so independent and headstrong. I said can I come with you he said “no”. Lol. He won’t let me look after him at all. My mum would have let me look her her. X. You have nothing to wonder about you did the right thing for her. I’m sure she would have told you if she wanted it any other way
So do I Jooles, I google it all the time,all have just got a book from the library about Near Death Experiences. I am not religious and deep down I think that when we are gone we really are gone but I wish so much I could contact him or vice versa, I miss him so much
Kind Regards
Maddy
I have bought several books. I honestly don’t know what I believe. I hope that our souls go on and our loved ones are with us. I’ve had a couple of things happen that I can’t explain. I really would like to go to a medium one day. I’m so sad today. The tears have fallen all day