Hello everyone. I feel a desperate need to talk to someone this morning so I turn to you all. Thank you for being there. I try to be positive and mostly I am but 21 months after losing my darling husband I still have moments of absolute desperation and today that’s where I am. The smallest things can become the biggest. Together we could conquer the world but alone I feel so small and helpless. This morning I simply cannot stop crying. This is the me that very few people see day to day but as you all know we have a depth of hidden pain that others cannot even begin to imagine and boy does it hurt. I have times when I want to run away from everything and everybody, to go somewhere alone and where nobody knows me. As you can see I am wallowing in self pity today but I think as grievers that is our right, although not always helpful. I’ve written in my journal and poured my heart out to my husband and now here so I hope I’m going to feel a little better for offloading. Thank you everyone for listening. I now need to go and sort my face out as I have to go to work soon. So onwards and upwards and on goes the mask again to face the rest of the day.
Sending love xx