Hi all posted here before - as I learn to cope with one facet of grief another pops up. This time it’s what to do with mom and dad’s house and the tremendous guilt and angst I’m feeling.
Mom died in April so her house has been unoccupied since then. Its still furnished and insured. I don’t know what to do tho. There is a part of me that days go live in it and be where my mom and dad were.drink in the memories, feel them around me and their love that they had for me. But then am I refusing to live my life in the present - they won’t be there and it’s just a shell. But the thought of walking out of the house never to go back- it’s too awful to think about. How can I just walk away from everything they worked for? Financially it woyldbe hard to keep but to sell would mean I can be financially secure but this makes me feel worse. I can’t make a decision and it’s making me very down and guilty.
Hi Allycott
Have you thought of renting out the house? That way, you will be getting rent until you decide what to do. My advice, if you go down that road is to get a good recommended letting agent. Don’t try to do it yourself. They are worth their weight in gold and not that expensive.
Good luck, Ann
@Allycott, the way I see it is, think what’s best for you at the end of the day it’s really only bricks and mortar. Being financially secure would be really good. Renting out is a headache but of course you need to chew it over and then make your own decision. Good luck, Margarita
As you said, a house is merely a shell. However, I do understand what you are saying. I currently live with my dad in the house that I grew up in and after losing my Mum so suddenly in November, the thought of ever moving out of this house or selling it one day, makes my heart sink. Wherever you look in the house, you see a memory. Even if it is just something stupid like a little side table, I think “my Mum bought that”, or I often find myself saying “remember when” if I look at something and it triggers a memory. Even down to the dining table… When we sit down to have our tea now, I look at the chair she used to sit in and I remember all the conversations we had. Even the night before she collapsed. The truth is although a house is a shell, it is for many of us so much more. Which it clearly is for you too so I completely understand your reluctance! I think I would be the exact same.
However, I think we need to remember what memories live in our hearts and in our minds. You will always feel the love of your parents and your brain and heart will always remind you of that too. Your Mum and Dad would want you to do what is best for you and would not want you feeling down or guilty! You mentioned about selling and how that would make you financially secure… This is probably why your Mum left the home to you! It was probably her way of looking after you, even after she has gone! Something that our Mum’s will wish they were still here to do. I hope you can find someway to resolve it and set your mind at ease, it must be such a difficult decision for you. I would honestly feel the exact same too…
Thinking of you, hope you can find some clarity soon
Thank you everyone who responded. I was there today and I felt a sense of comfort but at the same time lonely - as though I was a child waiting for my parents to come home - which if you think about it - is what that situation is! My mom died in the living room in her hospital bed and I keep trying to remember her, how I felt and I couldn’t. I’m trying to let go but can’t look forward only back. I know this isn’t right and maybe time will release me but I guess we move down the path of recovery at right speed for us. However thank you for your thoughts - you are all so right - what a long road we are all on.
Yeah you are definitely right, continue at your own pace… I hope everything feels a bit more clearer for you soon