Hello I’ve not posted on here for a while and am finding the mornings pretty bad. I wake up every morning between 5 and 6 am feeling anxious ,weepy and vulnerable. I’m also finding the 2nd year after my partner’s death much harder to cope with as I begin to pick up the pieces of my life and the realisation and acceptance that he has gone hits home. Is this a common theme and how do you work your way through it ? I miss that cuppa and reassurance that the day ahead will be ok. Any advice as to how to cope would be very much appreciated .x
I tend to wake up early mornings to. I know when my mom first past, I let my brain trick me into believing she was away visiting my aunty, though really I knew she had passed, I guess it was a sort of coping mechanism at the time, but it meant a part of me was waiting for a phonecall I knew deep down that I would never get. 2 years later, I’ve stopped waiting for that call, & am finally allowing myself to accept that she’s gone, allowing myself to cry, or scream, or whatever, just let it out.
Loosing someone who is so important in your life, & was a big part of your life is a big adjustment, even 2 years later, there are changes to my routine that I’ll never get used to. I guess when the person we love first passes, we know that we will grieve for them, we know we will always have memories & things that will remind us of them, we know there will be times when we feel the empty spaces, but no-one ever really paints a clear picture of grief, there’s no instructions book to grieving, everyone is different, & will go through their own grief journey in their own time, in their own way, & there’s no set time limit. I found it helpful to mind map things, & colour code my thoughts by emotion, (red=anger, blue=sadness, purple=fear/anxiety) seeing it on the page helps to get things clear in my mind.
I’ve also found it helpful to write letters to people after they’ve passed on, but more recently, in certain situations it’s like I can hear in my head what my mom would of said, sometimes it makes me smile, sometimes it makes me cry, & sometimes I need a hug. I’ve also found it helpful to talk to other family members who also feel the loss. Maybe try different things & see what works for you.
My mom was kind of a safety net, & now she’s gone, it feels like walking a type rope, no safety net, it feels scary, when things upset me, or things go wrong, I used to talk to my mom, but now the realisation hits me that I have to cope with some of these things myself, it’s a bitter pill to swallow. This makes me anxious, so your not alone.
Thank you x
Hi there Shirleymc
I’m afraid these feelings seem to be pretty common. Like you I seemed to still be suffering from them in my second year more than ever. I found getting up and going for a brisk walk was the best thing for me to do. As I have two dogs this was natural and it seemed to clear my head of unwanted thoughts and I could carry on for the remained of the day.
@Pandaprincess . . ““I found it helpful to mind map things, & colour code my thoughts by emotion, (red=anger, blue=sadness, purple=fear/anxiety) seeing it on the page helps to get things clear in my mind.””
Snap. l colour code my calendar, OK for okay, yellow for sad, blue for crying, red for meltdown. l think lm trying to see if there is a pattern of hope emerging from these gloomy groundhog days. nothing so far.
Lotswife, I like that system
Thank you I like the colour coding of feelings and will give it a try.
I use tapping to calm me down and wondered if others found it helpfull too. ?
@Shirleymc . what’s ‘tapping?’
When you tap accupuncture points on your collar bone or around the eyes under the nose and chin. The rhymne helps calm me down