I’m just trying to post without replying 
It’s morning in the USA. Fun to watch everyone saying goodnight in my afternoon. Good afternoon Europe! Mornings are worst. Waking up, it all hits again. What I miss the most is his smile and silliness. We had such fun. He was 73. His mom died a little over a year ago at 94. So glad she didn’t live long enough to grieve her son. I hope everyone here is doing OK today!
BTW, you might wonder why I picked a UK site. Had no idea at first that it was. All I saw was .org not .com
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Good morning gemswinc you are not alone when it comes to being from the USA there are two lovely women who post every day on “How is your day going today “ and we are always saying good night, day and afternoon at different times. I am sorry about your loved one it is terrible to find one self alone. Wishing you all best
Tom
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Thanks for your reply. It is a blessing to have this community to share with 
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Hi gemswinc, I agree mornings are the hardest, it’s when anxiety is at it’s worst. My first thought usually whether it’s 4 am or 6 am when I finally wake up is “my husband is dead” and it feels like a kick in the pit of the stomach. Hope you find this forum useful even if we are in different time zones!
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Yes! Exactly. I do! For example, getting this reply from you was helpful. We are not alone
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Hello gemswic, I am from California, ..i know what you mean about the different times, i try to keep up since Europe is ahead, and I didn’t know either this site was from Europe, but ive found a lot of lovely caring people here. And truly sorry for your loss. Take care and God bless you 
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Hello CA. We span several time zones here, good to know!
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Another morning. It rained last night, the heat has lifted. Calmer today, but endings, facing endings, and finally, truly alone. A few friends, but they are my age. Ron filled the years between my husband’s death and now. Ron was my “ground, my safe and sound” Now, I must face everything on my own.
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I made it to almost 11AM without crying. Bought another candle finally, need that light next to my two lost loves. Actually three, but he is different, the relationship was different M died of glioblastoma. Ron died on the same calendar day, almost nine years later. April is my death month, Mother, Father, Husband. Now, that extends until May 22.
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Hello gemswic,doesn’t sound like you’re doing to well, I hope im wrong…hope you are able to do something good for yourself today,..as for me. Just enjoying my coffee 
so far. Take care of yourself and may God bless you
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Hi Mary. Actually better today than I have been. Slowly. Posting here, lets it out and lifts the gloom. I will go out in the garden if the weather allows. Good morning to you! Enjoy your coffee and thanks for the reply.
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Good morning gemswinc I hope you can get out in the garden and find some peace
Wishing you all the best
Tom
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Thank you! I hope you enjoy your day too!
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Hi gemswinc I hope you have a lovely afternoon
Wishing you all the best
Tom
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Hi Lucy I hope you have a lovely afternoon
Wishing you all the best
Tom
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Hi! Thank you. Have a pleasant evening!
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Another morning, much better today, but I am not complacent. I saw posts yesterday along the line of, if not for X I would have talked to no one today. That is the fear. That is why my Ron was such a treasure. Two phone calls a day, every day, reliable, a gift ( his idea, by the way )
The issue is sort of like "If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? In other words if no one sees you, talks to you, do you exist? Do you exist without a witness? Well of course you do, and after years of this fear, and now finally silence, I find I do exist, within myself, without the outside world. I hope, if you truly have no one now, that you find that too. Of course chatting into the void, and virtual friends, also provide “witnessing” which eases the challenge.
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I still don’t have the hang of this site, despite reading instructions. Anyway, 6:48 AM and awakened sad. As usual. The day is gray, heat relief. Hairdresser today, so, distraction. The last time I was there Ron had just died, I was getting my hair done, because he was visiting in two weeks. 
I was so raw, and crying. My hairdresser hugged me and made a mess of her clothes.
Hope everyone’s day is going as well as possible.
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Hi, just read your post. I was touched by you saying how you missed your husband’s smile and silliness. That’s exactly what I miss the most about my partner George. He’s been gone for just over nine months now, died suddenly after being together for forty years. He used to annoy me by wearing silly hats. I’d buy him a thousand silly hats if he could come back. Take care.
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take care and thank you 