MORNINGS!!

It seems so many are waking in the mornings feeling low and even depressed. There is a physical reason for this other than the obvious grief. In the mornings our metabolism is low. That’s the way our bodies use energy. As we get up and about the low feeling often lifts a bit, but the memory of it may linger all day. I am not a great believer in exercise helping in anxiety, but getting going in the mornings may well be helped by some exercise.
It’s waking up to our grief when, for a short time, we have been oblivious in sleep. It hits like a blow. Well it does to me. Another day to look at and try and make something of. I don’t despair because I know as the day progresses I will pick up.
I have said before, it’s the slowness of the grief process that makes it so difficult, and the up and down effect doesn’t help.
There is no immediate answer to mornings. I would add that about the worse thing to do is lay in bed thinking. That can be a real problem because it sets a pattern for the day ahead. No one is going to wake up bright eyed and bushy tailed. No way!! I doubt we ever will again… But there is still a lot of hope and so much encouragement. The light does get brighter, even in the mornings. But it takes a lot of time, patience and understanding.
Blessings to all.

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Hi Jonathan. We are on the same length of journey so I can always relate to what you have to say. In the beginning I was fine. I have always been an early riser and had no problems but this past couple of months it has really hit me. I don’t want to get up, of course it might be the dark morning that give me no encouragement, however I am fortunate that my dogs have other idea’s, at least when it becomes light, up to then they are in no hurry. I also know that the day will get better so after a few tears get on with it. This morning was one of those really bad days but I knew that when I had been out for my usual long walk it will have lifted but it was not to be, it poured with rain and we had to run for home, anxiety and tears stayed with me.
Anyway I know I don’t usually disagree with you very often but exercise certainly helps my anxiety. I always try to do something each day. I walk and my early morning long walk can make all the difference to my day, especially if I have got up all tearful. I work in the garden or allotment, go to the gym, I now do dance classes and can feel the improvement. However I will add that it isn’t a case of do exercise and anxiety cured. It is a temporary relief and I am ready to do anything that will give respite. However keeping on the move certainly helps me and if I can’t get out then an hour of Yoga is another distraction. Endorphins kick in and give a lift with exercise.

Pat

Dear Pat,
I would advise anyone to exercise, as I have already explained, due to an injury to my spine I cannot exercise or even walk more than a few yards. Still, at 80 years of age, I reckon that my long walk days are over in any event. I also have a blood disorder, called Porphyria, as a result I am allergic to daylight especially the sun. I can sport a lovely crop of blisters if Mr. Sun catches me. I loved reading about your allotment, it sounds very beautiful and I am sure that your Brian will be beaming with pride. Well done,
Love and Blessings,
MaryL x x

Mary
Just wondering if you still find plenty to fill your day when its sunny? Love pamx

Thank you, Pam2
Surprisingly, I do fill my days, in fact, I wonder where the time goes. I am very lucky, I have a lot of friends who ring me or come and see me. Our daughter and our son each live 80 miles away in opposite directions as does our grandson and great grandson, they ring me as often as they can.
I count myself very lucky that we had 59 years of marriage, I miss him so much.
Love,
Mary x

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Thanks jonathan
Its helpful to know. Im one who wakes v earlyx

Hi Mary, as usual you are an inspiration to us all with a wonderful attitude even in your deep time of your own grief, so, many thanks.
I can’t imagine what I would be like if I had to cope with all that you have to. I would be a wreck. As it is, if I am having a bad day I go out for a walk or do my gardening and by doing this I am meeting people and having friendly chats, so not isolated so a win, win situation. So I am also going to be thankful for the 30 years I had with Brian and be grateful.
Again thankyou
Pat xx

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Dear Pat.
Thank you very much for your kind message, maybe it is because of the age I am, 80 years old, that I know I shall be reunited with Stan before too long. I don’t think that you would be a wreck, Pat, something helps us to cope as it does when we lose our beloved husbands. After I had had my second accident and knew that I had to retire at the age of 47, the consultant said that I could go home and be miserable or accept my situation. He also added that if I was miserable all the time nobody would want to know me, I was quite offended at the time, but I realised that what he had said was true. I am no Pollyanna, Pat, I have my days, especially since Stan died. Like the rest of you, grieving, I miss him so much, we were like a comfortable pair of old slippers, my late brother was always saying “It is what it is”.
Thank you again,
Love,
Mary x x

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Hi Mary Your consultant was very wise. His words would also be useful to those that are grieving. If we are miserable all the time no one will want to be bothered with us, as sad as that is, so I keep my tears for my time behind closed doors now and learning to smile, even laugh and joke again. Our pain becomes buried deep within and I fear never leave us…
Love to you
Pat xxx

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Thank you, Pat for your post, it is very true.
Love to you, too.
Mary x x x

Dear Pat and Mary and All on this thread, within our grief and coping with Lockdown. Have to admit, I haven’t looked on these threads hardly since Lockdown. My first reaction was that I had too much to cope with, without looking into this part of present life. At first Lockdown only extended my depth of isolation that I have been trying to overcome since my husband died two years ago. I just felt Lockdown was the loss of freedom on top of the loss of my dear husband, whom I have missed greatly. However, I have learned to cope with my new way of life, like not being able to see my children or friends or attend any gatherings where I would meet other people. I have noticed that whereas when I was newly widowed people who met me would often begin a conversation with ‘How are you?’ Now, in view of Lockdown, such a difficult question to answer, and in the end, we often end up saying “Alright thank you” whether we are feeling alright or not! Now I find when people phone me, or write emails, their first few words usually begin with “How are you coping”? To which I often give the usual reply that I am alright, and carry on as before, not mentioning that maybe just before the phone rang I had been feeling far from ‘alright’!
As Mary said, her consultant advised her not to be miserable but accept our situation. How wise. I remember when my children were still at school, one of my neighbours who had two children the same age as mine, sadly lost her husband quite suddenly. I remember thinking about that family, the boys without their father, and their mother having to cope without the love and support of her husband. I just couldnt understand how she was coping, she always seemed bright and cheerful in spite of her situation. In a conversation with her one day, she said much the same wise words as Mary’s Consultant. I realise now, from my own experience why we often say we are ‘fine’ or ‘alright’, it is to save stressing our enquirers and to further convince ourselves that we are, indeed, coping!! I realise today, we have all.got the Coronavirus worry for our own future and that of our families and the grief many will also be suffering. I am also reminded of the concerns of parents of the former generations, including my own parents, who had to learn to cope with wartimes. We are often a lot stronger than we think. Blessings to you all. Deidre

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Dear Deidre,
Thank you for your reply, I do understand what you are saying, as I have said so many times, I am used to being in Lockdown, having an injured spine and a blood disorder which causes me to be allergic to solar light and the sun.
I do miss my family both our son and our daughter live 80 miles from where I live in opposite directions as does our grandson and great grandson, I am very lucky in so many ways. I have a lot of friends who ring me, as do our daughter, Jenny and our son Michael. Our council are very good, they have volunteers who visit the elderly and the housebound I am 80 years old.
Of course I miss my husband we had 59 years of marriage when he died, life will never be the same, Deidre for either of us. you and I, I mean. We have no choice have we but to get on with it.
Oops I am relating my circumstances which I included in an earlier post. Sorry about that.
I am going to bed now, before I change into a pumpkin.
Stay safe,
Blessings,
Mary.

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Hi Deidre
Lovely post and in this time of worry it is a wise statement.
We can sit at home and moan about lockdown etc or we can make the best of it. There is still no reason why some of us can’t get out, just keep the distance required. There is still the countryside or parks with all that nature has to offer. No lockdown for them so still there to cheer us up if we take the trouble to look for it.
The isolation might have been difficult but it can also show us how to cope without having to rely on company.
Agree the waryears must have been a real test of having to cope in troubled times.
Take care
Pat

Hi. Pat. I heard the dawn chorus this morning and I thought how nature is unaffected by all this lockdown business. The calm centre of a world in turmoil. Of us humans that is. But we are always in a state of turmoil with one thing or another.
It’s no use blaming anyone but ourselves. Each individual is the world. But no one asked for the grief we all have to bear, and often the good things get lost in our suffering.
Yes, there is hope and always will be. But that hope must be accompanied by goodwill, love and caring. Will we learn from events? I like to think so, but the cynical part of me doubts it.
Each individual and collectively the world, must decide for themselves.
Take care. John.

Hi John, yes so very true and wise words as usual from you. Each persons grief is their own and they must cope with it in their own way but there is good things out there if we look for it.
Goodwill, love and caring, how I wish!!! Will we learn from events??? I do hope so., however I won’t be holding my breath!!!
Pat xxx

Hi John,
Your mentioning of the dawn chorus, reminded me of the time, mum and dad, took a battery run tape recorder down the fields, where we used to play as children. My brother lived in South Africa for 18 years and my mum and dad took the recorder to record the dawn chorus, they sent the recording to South Africa so that my brother could hear the sounds from home. He did and he cried.

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That’s so lovely Mary :blush: you had such a lovely mum and dad xx

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Hi all just checking every ones not to bad today.

Hi Kim okish today , how are you x

I thought I as doing ok. The first Christmas, first anniversary looming in April. COVID hit. Lockdown hit. No hugs from children, grandchildren. No first anniversary meal of Steve’s passing with the family. No invites to dinner. Coffee. Family sitting on my front wall , bringing their own drink, Grandchildren becoming distant, because we all have ‘tummy aches’. Coping with a partners death is bad enough without the COVID. I would just love a hug. Christmas is too far away.