Has anyone had trouble with their mom-in-law since their partner died? My partner died only 10 weeks ago and I’m utterly devastated and can’t function. I’m trying to sort the paperwork out and as we weren’t married his mom is the legal next of kin. My partner died intestate (we were mid way of sorting the will when he passed away traumatically). His Mom has been nothing but a nightmare. She hasn’t at all grieved, told me his coffin wasn’t a proper coffin (it was a wicker one), won’t let me have his stuff what’s at her house, and in fact has throw his things out and to top it all said to me she’s keeping his life assurance. Luckily the solicitor has stated she wouldn’t be able to have it as it’s attached to the mortgage. What I’m finding hard is how cold to me she is. It’s as though I don’t exist after 22.5 years of being with her son and looking after her. My partner specifically asked her to make sure I was looked after. I’m torn in keeping in contact with her as I feel I’m letting my partner down or cutting ties. I’d appreciate any thoughts?
@Janiebud46
It sounds like this woman isn’t helping you at a time when you need her support not her discouragement, What is the saying about surround yourself with those who bring out the best in you , not the stress in you”.
Why I can’t comment on on a Mother in law , my late husbands Mother died just 8 months before her son
My husband died suddenly age 65 we had been together 24 years but only married for 19 months after we secretly eloped to Gretna Green .
My husbands heart was diseased and damaged , but his 3 adult children broke his heart years before .
Never met his Grandchildren , or gave his daughter away at her wedding , never saw them even though they lived up the road the list goes on , ask them why ?? They don’t know ! Apart from their Step Father had more to offer in the way of Money!
After my husband married me , his will was revoked , he was “too nice “ to make another will as he knew his estate would be mine !
I have his children precious items and shared out his jewellery to them , everyone said I was more than generous, however this wasn’t enough , sentimental things no , they wanted the big guns !
They tried to stop probate , and felt like they were owed ? When really they should have wanted their father when alive and not just for money after .
I simply have nothing to do with them , as they do me , I ask myself “do I need them in my life “?
And if the answer is NO!
Well then there you go , x
Hello, what I read from your comments is that your mother in law is indeed grieving, therefore is in shock, can’t think straight & is hitting out at the unfairness of it all.
I think if you can find it in your heart to remember that she has lost her child that may help you to be more generous to her.
I would also say keep in touch as I feel with time she will revert track to the person you knew and your husband loved her & maybe try & think about things from her point of view?
That I can perfectly understand. However his mom is a person who never spoke to her own mom or went to her funeral through a silly argument, hasn’t spoken to her daughter for 4 years and told her to **** off and also put her husband’s empty urn after scattering his ashes in a litter bin outside a chip shop.
I think this is a little more than grief?
You know her so you need to do what you feel is right, did your husband love her? If so it might be easier to forgive the way she behaves?
But at the end of the day you’ve lost your partner so you are the priority in looking after yourself.
Absolutely I agree more than grief , not a nice person by all accounts.
As flower garden says you are the priority so look after you.
I feel for you is all I can say. Put in place boundaries w/ her as much as possible, but when you are so distraught it is so difficult to do.
Hello Janiebud
I empathise completely
Distrust and pressure from my step son to part with things
No sensitivity
Ours was a recent marriage so it’s upset their expectations
At the wake one of his grandsons said - Your family is so different- they don’t fight!
His sister said she didn’t know how I managed to get them all to go
That was a tribute to him - not me
He used to say —It’s happy families!!
I try not to feel so bad and take this estrangement from them personally
history is probably repeating itself
Looking at these posts some families seem to have very Divisive pattens of behaviour
I hope there are people who are kind and understand you at this devastating time
You deserve to be respected and supported in your loss
Be your self with your standards x