My first mother’s day without a mother, she left us so unexpected, unexplained at an early age of 57, what was my mistake, was I a bad person, is this the punishment she wanted to give me? So many questions nobody could answer
Hello Varun, just seen your post as replying to a lovely group of people I met on here when my own Mother passed December 2022. I’m 52 and my Mum was 81. Regardless of age, is a massive loss. However, I can’t even imagine losing my Mum as young as you must be. You will find this forum comforting. We are all here looking for support: comfort and to know we are not alone. I don’t know you but what I do know is you are not being punished or did anything wrong. You are grieving and searching for explanations. Take time to look after yourself and work through this grief. I won’t lie - is bloody tough some days. However, in time you manage the loss. I don’t think we ever ‘ get over it’. I’m sure other people will have some words of support for you. Take care at this difficult time, Jules x
Thanks Jules, you don’t even know your one message just helped me alot, I am sorry for your loss too. Me and my mom celebrate our birthdays together too and 6 months before she passed away, I had been going through some challenging times mentally and wasn’t talking to her properly and then she passed away and I couldn’t stop blaming myself we have always had the best relationship but for once in my life I was bad to her and she gave me the biggest punishment.
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Hello Varun, Sorry I didn’t reply sooner. My immune system is literally shot to pieces since losing Mum. Covid twice since March and a respiratory infection in the middle which floored me. I’m on the mend but I seem susceptible to illnesses recently. I hope you are feeling more positive and remember you did nothing wrong. Relationships are tricky and I think most of us wish we had done things differently. I can’t reconcile how I didn’t know Mum was going to pass and why didn’t I see the evidence. Why didn’t I tell her I loved her the last time I saw her and hold her tight. I’m
Now coming to terms with the fact that on the last day I saw Mum alive there was no reason to think the end was coming. We enjoyed the day and had a lovely chat. Mum was in a care home ( Alzheimer’s) but she knew who we were and chatted. She even asked for Tea. Try and remember all the lovely moments you shared - as these undoubtedly outshone the not so good ones. Take care and keep talking to people on here . Jules x