Mothers day

Hi, lost my dad and mum last year, had a shock yesterday when I went in a shop and there was a big display of mothers day cards, didn’t think it would affect me but I’m absolutely dreading it. It’s the firsts of everything that I struggle with, is anyone feeling the same?
Stella

I had a local advert pop up in my facebook feed today about mothers day bookings. I’m staying off facebook. I’m going to do my best not to think about mothers day. Hibernation sounds the best idea for me.

I lost my mum in January and I’m feeling like this about mother’s days,birthdays, and especially Christmas. Im thinking of trying to look at it as more of a celebration of they were here, and still getting and writing her cards for mother’s Day and Christmas and putting them in a little box. It might not be for you but I just thought I’d share

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I got my Mum a small Christmas inexpensive gift this year, even though she is not longer around. Plus, I brought out a card, which i given her in a previous year.
Someone, on here said it was a lovely idea, as it keeps a loving connection. That was comforting.
If I find I’m struggling with mothers days, then I definitely will get a card.
I rather like the idea of writing something loving, even if it’s not on a official mothers day card.

I think it’s best if I just try and avoid the shops. I don’t need reminding. I’ll probably get some flowers in for the occasion. I did consider just ignoring the day but that’s impossible and not right for me at the very least because my daughter will want to do something special for her mum. It comes 4 days after my birthday so that’s going to be a tough week in March.

I lost my my mum 8 years ago and found mothers days really hard for a long time (as well as birthdays, Christmas and other special days). I now either take something to her grave or, if that doesn’t feel right or feels too sad at the time, I do something special for myself where I keep her in mind. For example I might go to a favourite cafe on my own and have an imaginary (short!) chat with her in my head, or for a massage or swim. Most recently it was her birthday and I had a reiki session and gong bath (the latter if you haven’t heard is a deeply relaxing meditation where various gongs and resonant meditation bowls are played - it sounds unusual but is deeply relaxing due to the sound waves and lots of people find it healing). I questioned if this was selfish of me but then I realised this is exactly what she’d want me to be doing - looking after myself and taking time out for myself whilst still cherishing her memory and all she taught me. I think most of our loved ones would want to see us taking care of ourselves and, if you feel guilty, imagine what you would want your loved one to do if they were the ones still living.

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Hi Stella. I am truly sorry for your loss.
Yes I hate seeing mother’s Day cards in the shops. I lost mum 4 years ago.
I lost my dad in May last year and the shops were full of Father’s Day cards.
It still hurts now. I suggest you buy yourself a nice gift or have a treat day. Say it is from your loved one. I did this at Christmas and it helped a little bit.
I still have some hand cream that mum gave me on her last Christmas with us. It’s still ok to use. When it runs out I will buy more and say it’s from mum.

I wish you virtual hugs and love xx

Hiya,
I know exactly how you feel, my mum died at the start of Jan and I’m absolutely dreading Mother’s Day. It’s also my 24th birthday next Monday and it just seems so sad to think mum won’t be there to celebrate with me.
Just going to try and remember it’s just one day and it will be over soon enough. Lots of love xxx

Hi hun, so sorry to hear your sad news, you are so young to lose your mum. It’s a hard time, I’m just taking it day by day. I’m going to bereavement therapy and the counsellor suggested buying a mother’s day card and writing a message to my mum, I’m thinking about doing it. Take care of yourself x

Thank you Rochelle, sorry for the delay in replying. We are planning on going away on the 22nd do hopefully won’t have to deal with it too much. I just miss my mum and dad so much, I think time is the only thing that will help. Hope you are okay x

Hello Stella,
I’m so sorry for the loss of your Mum. I absolutely understand where you are with dreading Mother’s Day. I too lost my amazing Mum a few months ago, She was my world. It’s everywhere, on tv ads, in all the shops and I thought id plan a walk on the day, but don’t think I can bear seeing everyone out with their mums. I do wish that there was somewhere to go for the bereaved on days like this, like a thanksgiving service, not necessarily religious, just a place to come together. I like the ideas on here about buying her a card and writing my thoughts about her and the life we shared together. I’ll probably spend the day in bed, and just try and get through it. Grief of this magnitude is so personal, completely life changing and your feelings may be in a turmoil you’ve probably never experienced before. I had imagined how I’d feel, but the reality of her loss was the worst physical and emotional pain Ive ever felt before. I thought in the early days that I might actually die with her, it was that painful.
I hope you have a friend or family member that can call or be with you or if you need a duvet day and not go out at all, I’d give yourself permission to do nothing if that’s what you need .
I read mums texts, listen to old voicemails and I now talk to her photo as if she’s listening. Can you do anything like that to feel closer to her ?

We will never be the same, and why would we, or should we… they mattered to us, the depth of the pain only reflects the depth of their love. I’m so grateful, in more settled moments, for the love we shared.
I wish you peace with your grief Stella, you are not alone. I’ll be thinking of you on the 22nd :heart:

Thank you for you kind words. I have a good support network for which I’m grateful. It’s so personal and I don’t think anyone can understand how awful it is until it happens to you. My mum never used a mobile so I don’t have anything like that. I hate not being able to ring her, I’d do anything to have one more chat. My mum died unexpectedly so I never even got to say goodbye, which I did with my dad as He was very poorly and died at home, that was in March last year and his anniversary is next week. Last year was just horrendous. I just miss them both so much. I’m so sorry that you have also lost your amazing mum, there are so many of us. Please take care and look after yourself, it’s so important to be kind to yourself. X

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I lost my son who I was close to on December 2nd 2017
I really hate mothers day

Hi @Mumjoan,

I’m so sorry to hear that you lost your son. It is understandable that Mother’s Day must be very hard for you. This conversation that you’ve replied to is in the Losing a Parent category - which doesn’t mean that you can’t post here, but does mean that there aren’t any other bereaved parents in this particular conversation.

If you would like to talk about your feelings about Mother’s Day with other bereaved parents, you could also try starting a new conversation in the Losing a Child category.

Sending you good wishes for getting through the Mother’s Day weekend as best as you can.

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