I lost my soulmate 9 months ago. He was my everything our lives revolved around each other. we had no family but I do have friends but no one can fill the void left by my gorgeous husband.
I’ve tried to build a new life - the grief is there and always will be but I know I have to build a life for my own sanity.
I just can’t get motivated I do the essential getting up, eating, cleaning etc. but can’t get motivated to do anything else without my love I sit playing mind numbing games or binge watching tv but not actually watching or remembering what I’ve watched.
How do I break the cycle. I’ve tried clubs and mixing but it’s strange you can feel so lonely in a crowd.
Hi catlady I am almost seven months into this so you are further along than me. The only thing I can recommend is what has helped me stay sane and that is exercise. When my wife died I took the pain I was feeling out on my body and it helped. When I had that feeling of being ripped apart I would do pull-ups or lift a weight I had and as soon as I was out out breath the pain subsided until it came back again. The rest of the day I spent walking in nature, which helped me sleep as I was exhausted by the end of the day and it also help me mentally.I would try a find beautiful things during my walks to share with my wife.Added to this I have tried to stay positive, concentrating on the blessings I have received by being loved by and being able to love such a sweet woman, rather than fixating on what I have lost. Life is still hard I live alone and have no friends so that makes life very difficult and there are still days when I make the mistake of looking at the future and what I have lost which normally means I have to start doing more pull-ups.
I hope you find something that helps you soon so you are able to find a little joy in life
Hi @Catlady84
I am so sorry to read about the grief you are suffering but it all sounds horribly familiar. It’s been just over 18 months since I lost my wife and really I just go through the motions of living.
‘Company’ doesn’t tick any boxes for me and I can take it or leave it. To be honest I’m becoming something of a recluse and the worrying thing is it doesn’t worry me!
I think @Brandon1 is right that some form of exercise can help if only as a distraction or just getting out to be with nature is very calming. Unfortunately I have a duff hip so vigorous walking isn’t an option but I can hobble to some decent views and that definitely helps. I have hobbies but try as I might I can’t engage with them so concentrate on chores to keep myself busy.
I have found new interest in spirituality which I hope will give me some insight into what has happened to me. I’m currently reading a book called Quantum Physics & Spirituality. If you can suspend disbelief while you read it, there is plenty in the book to think about and provide hope.
I find just typing my thoughts out on this website very therapeutic, I hope you do too.
@Flower_garden
Maybe I’m grasping at straws but for quite a few years now I’ve had a feeling that this life isn’t real. Perhaps I’ve been watching too many Sci-Fi films but I thought life would make much more sense if it turned out to be virtual reality and the real world was in the next life.
This book compares scientific thinking about Quantum Physics and how it relates to Ancient Laws and Beliefs. It turns out that ancient civilisations weren’t far off the truth.
I studied Quantum Physics at college years ago, and I never really got it. I suppose I was stuck in the mechanics of Newtonian Physics about apples falling off trees etc! I remember after a two hour session the lecturer asked if there were any questions and one of my classmates asked him if he could run over it again. Which bit asked the lecturer, all of it said my classmate! The lecturer looking rather bewildered asked if anyone else wanted it all covered again and we all put our hands up!
As I say if you suspend disbelief this book is an easy read and certainly shows the possibility of there being far more to the universe than is immediately obvious.
The book is called Quantum Physics and Spirituality and is written by Jake K Adkins. If you Google it you can find descriptions of it and read samples to see if it is for you. It probably isn’t for everyone but it has certainly sparked my imagination.
Thank you I’ll look into that, I think there’s a lot we don’t know, one of my theories is that we are spiritual beings & we are sent here to learn for some reason & then return sharing what we’ve learnt about what we did with freedom of choice & resilience & courage..
I may be grasping at straws but I definitely there is more than what we know.
I am hearing’ this theme of spirituality and it resonates with me away from my/any Christian pleas for mercy and healing’ that I reread in my journal since 2024. I am eighteen months. I have been reading a nature based path to navigating suffering and loss called Walking Through Darkness. I read outside on a shady bench
I agree. Many books say we are Beings of Light. Quantum Physics basically runs on energy and mathematics, even solid particles can become energy under the right circumstances.
The Dr Raymond Moody books about Near Death Experiences describe people having their lives replayed to them as they head towards the ‘light’. Not in a judgemental way but in a loving way to ensure they have got as much out of the experience as they hoped, which makes the whole thing sound very much like a voluntary course.
The book has saved me this week because the heat has been so oppressive and the news so depressing. I’ve been able to turn the television off and lose myself in the book.
I’m sorry you are going through this and like the rest of us having to muddle through and find a way to survive each passing day.
My hubby passed away March 2025 some days it feels like yesterday and some forever.
Those first few months I don’t really recall how I got through I think I was on autopilot to be honest. There was so much to do with sadmin(admin) that I kept busy with. We didn’t have children or pets so there wasn’t anything for me to focus on.
I lost a lot of weight due to just not looking after myself, mind you I am a large person so it didn’t do me any harm, but this year, end of Feb I decided to join a gym and tone up. I needed focus and a purpose to get up and do something positive. I now do exercise daily. I do Zumba, I walk and last week decided to add swimming in.
I joined some FB widow pages and a local widow group which I have gone to events with. Meeting people that truly understand how you feel helps, that’s why this forum is a godsend. I first came on here in April 2025 and have made some good friends.
If you need to get something of your chest or just to even read and not post come on here there is always someone around for you. Know you are not alone on this awful journey.
If you feel able to please let us know your name it makes it more personal but don’t feel you have to it’s just a suggestion.
Hi and sorry for your loss. I lost my partner suddenly nine months ago too. Like you I find it hard to motivate myself. Some days I still draw the curtains and shut out the world. I do try to go out for lunch with friends but I don’t really enjoy it. It does make me feel less lonely for a while but I have to return to an empty house.
My sister has been good and stays over a couple of nights a week. I’m not really expecting to feel any better in the near future. I was with my partner for almost 40 years so I want my old life back, not some new existence devoid of any hope or joy. I know that’s not going to happen so I just have to plod on. I just want to feel safe again and find peace. I expect that’s what most of us want. Take care.
I don’t think you’re grasping at straws at all. I think this is the classroom we chose for some reason. I have heard spirits want the “adventure” here and kind of stand in line to come. When we are in spirit, energy, it all looks so easy, but try coming here and doing it!
Eckert Tolle says “the world isn’t here to make you happy, but to make you conscious.” I think he’s probably right.
Your post saved me this morning. It could have been me writing it. I’m 9 months in too. My husband of 30 years was my absolute soulmate . He was fit and well then suddenly died of a heart attack when we were on holiday. We didn’t have children. Some days the pain is so very bad. I have friends but I hate being around people right now. But the very worst is the lethargy and lack of motivation. I joined the gym and was doing quite well. But after a couple of sessions where I found my self sobbing when lifting weights I’m finding it impossible to go. I’m listening to a lot of analytical psychology ( Carl jung) on YouTube. I find it helps me to look at the world differently. I pray a lot but I’m not sure to who’s God, so that’s a bit desperate. I find that some days I can lock away all my thoughts into a compartment in my brain. I can feel them there but the compartment is well and truly locked. But on most days the box is well and truly open and I can’t function. I hope today is better for you. I’m going to try and come on here more often. It was soo good this morning to read your post, It made me feel less alone, and all the replies you got xx
Dear beth I am sorry to hear your pain. After spending a life time growing together with your loved one the pain of being ripped apart is horrendous. The only thing I have found that helps is walking and doing exercise as it is good for the mind and being exhausted helps with sleep. This site has been a blessing too as there are always people to chat to who understand the pain we are going through. I hope you find some solace here. Wishing you all the best and sending hugs Tom
I thought things were slowly starting to improve, it’s been 4 months since he died, but the yesterday I grabbed my husband’s toothbrush by mistake (I can’t throw it away) and the tears would not stop. Later I rang one of his old friends who I had promised to stay in touch with. Luckily he was out (100 years old, only a landline) as I had to speak to his answerphone through my tears again.
Hi Beth I hope you can hold it together. I’m sure you will feel better exercising, it not a miracle but it helps and we need all the help we can get. I also found it a good way of channeling the pain. Wishing you all the best and sending hugs Tom
Hi. Reading your post is almost like I could have written it. My husband died 8 1/2 weeks ago. I have no family near. I have friends who worry about me so I tell them I’m fine - I’m not. I am happiest (if that’s a thing now) being on my own. I’ve returned to work and I get through each day. I come home and binge watch tv until the early hours and then I barely sleep. I’m not sure I see the point anymore more. I’m just so sad and I miss him so much.
Dear Debbie I am so sorry to hear that you are suffering. My wife died on Christmas day after two years of cancer treatments. I thought I was prepared for the worst but when she died it was like being ripped apart. I had know idea one could feel such physical pain like that. The first two or three months were the worst but things improve bit by bit though I still struggle with loneliness after spending your life with the comfort of such a beautiful union life now feels so empty. This site has been a godsend, especially when you have dark days which hit us all. I hope you find some solace here. Wishing you all the strength you will need and sending hugs Tom
Hello, I lost my husband 15 months ago, living with this grief is so hard. I’m grateful for this community for sure. This morning as I’m trying to cope, having an electrical issue at our house missing my person who would take charge and know what to do. I called a company and made an appointment for tomorrow. I looked at one of the many pictures I have of him throughout our home and broke down, the fact that he’s physically gone paralyzed me, I need him so much, I miss him beyond comprehension. We were bonded together 46 years, heartbroken.
Hi sorry for your loss. My partner passed 10 months ago, it was sudden
I have so many repairs to carry out on the house., everything seems to be breaking down. I feel as if I’m jinxed in some way I hate having to get trades in plus I think a lot of them overcharge when they see a lone female. The gardener’s have managed to destroy the edges of the grass with weedkiller. My partner would be so upset, he always kept the garden lovely.
we had no family but I do have friends but no one can fill the void left by my gorgeous husband.
I sit playing mind numbing games or binge watching tv but not actually watching or remembering what I’ve watched.
