My mum passed 4wks ago with myself, my dad and 2 brothers by her side. I have cried and cried but now I feel confused. How could my beautiful 67 year old mum die of such a cruel disease, 4yrs she suffered and fought til the last week where we could see she was just too tired to carry on. I cant understand how she is gone, I feel silly saying that but I really cant, my routine has changed, my life has changed. My best friend is somewhere else now and I cant be with her. My heart aches so much and then even more when I think of my poor dad.
I have been looking at finding a grief support group but am struggling to find anything.
I have to small kids and they are all that keep me fromcurling up in bed. I am already on anti depressants from when my mum was diagnosed.
I feel as though Im rambling here, not sure what to write.
Thanks
Hi Jacqueline
I’m so sorry you have lost your precious Mum. It is so painful for you. Our Mums are our best friends they offer us unconditional love and are always there to listen and give advice. Your bereavement is so recent it must still feel so raw. The only thing you can do is to take it day by day. Try and take care of yourself and your Dad. Don’t put any pressure on yourself and just take it a day at a time. When my husband died in October I was in a complete daze. The one person I wanted to talk to was my Mum. I even went to phone her before I remembered she had died 13 years ago.
Your Mum will always be in your heart and in time you will remember all the things she said and did and you will be able to tell your children all about her.
If you can’t find grief support group you may want to try meditation. There are some good ones on You Tube to help with grief, anxiety and sleep.
I’m sure others will offer some advice meanwhile I’m sending you a big hug because I know how it feels.
Yvonne X
Hi Jacqueline
I am so sorry to read your message about your Mum. You have had a terrible four years with your Mum being so ill and it sounds as if she was so brave too. It must have been so hard for you, your dad and your brothers but you were all with her at the end which I am sure she was aware of. You have all been incredibly brave too and must be so tired from everything that has happened.
My Mum was my best friend too and I found it hard and still do coming up for two years later. There is still so much I want to tell her, so many experiences to share. It gives me a jolt everytime I realise I can’t do that anymore.
It is lovely that you have two small children as they must be a constant joy to you. Do take time for yourself though apart from looking after them. Even ten minutes a day if you can manage it just to relax and do something nice for yourself. I think your idea of a grief support group is a good one. Could your doctor help find one for you, maybe ask when you next see them.
You take lots of good care of yourself. There are lots of us here who have lost our Mums and we all understand how hard and horrid it is.
Mel
Xx
Thank you for your reply Yvonne, I cant imagine losing my husband and to not have mum there to help through. Big hugs to you too. Im at a loss on days where we would have gone shopping or when I would have been going to help her in the hospice.
I have been doing some Yoga via You Tube and it has helped slightly to take my mind away from the now.
I am at work now and have a constant feeling of fear in my stomach and jump when my phone goes as the last call I got was to get to my mum. Im being mindful of my breatihng and that helps but still doesnt bring her back.
Anyway, thank you again for your post.xx
Mel thank you for your reply. Im sorry to hear of your mum too, it really isnt fair that they get taken from us.
I am trying to fit yoga into my day but since returning to work its gotten harder. The wee ones are my life and my wee girl made her communion on saturday which was the 1st event thats been and it was so hard, kept thinking how my mum should have been there.
Asking my doctor about group therapy is a good idea, I hadnt thought of that thanks.
Thank you again for your reply Mel.xxx