Motorbike crash

It was my 17 year old son’s funeral yesterday. He died 11 days ago after he crashed his motorbike. He was 2 minutes away from home. He died in the ambulance on the way to hospital. The following day we learned from his best friend that he had been a drug addict for several months and now I am full of so many emotions: shock, confusion, anger, sadness as I lost my beautiful boy and yet didn’t know who he was at the end of his short life.

To lose a child under such tragic circumstances must be devastating and I feel so sorry for you…I understand the emotions you are feeling after losing my son four months ago,I wish there was something I cold say to help but all I can offer is my deepest symphony…Thinking of you…Marina xx

Thank you. I know it’s early days and I know I have a long way to go before I can even begin to come to terms with his death. I just can’t cope with finding out more awful things about my son. I dread what else there is to unearth about him: he obviously hid his drug use well and I’m so saddened that he went down that path. He must have been in such turmoil. Breaks my heart to think about him needing to do those things.

I am so terribly sorry for what you are going through, it is heartbreaking enough, losing a child, but then to find out things about them you never knew about is soul destroying.

My nephew, when he was 17 started taking drugs. My sister, his mum, was then diagnosed with ovarian cancer when she was 47 years old, and I remember her and my brother-in-law driving around the streets looking for him.

My sister died shortly after, never knowing where he was or what happened to him. To this day, I don’t know where he is or if he is still alive. That was 25 years ago. Since then his dad and my husband, his uncle has died never knowing what became of him.

He was the most loving little boy and he was the best of friends with our youngest son so we will never know what happened to make him turn to drugs.

I am just so grateful that our two sons never took drugs, (well they say they didn’t so I believe them), they are now in the late 40’s, but told me that when they were 17 it would have been so easy to get hold of them.

I am so very sorry for your family and nothing will ever take the pain away.

Please take care.

Thank you for sharing your heart breaking story. You have clearly been through so much as a family and I can only take comfort from it knowing what happened to my son unlike your nephew. I truly hope he did manage to escape the life he was leading. I am sorry for all the tragic events you’ve lived through and can only offer you my sympathy x

Thank you for your lovely words. We are all on this fantastic site because we are grieving for someone we loved. My husband died 3.1/2 years ago and I grieve for him every day. We never stop grieving. All we can do is get through it the best way we can, but to lose a child must be absolutely devastating. I have a friend who lost her husband from cancer when she was only 55, she is now 78. A few months ago, she lost her son to cancer and she told me that even though she still grieves for her husband, the pain from losing her son is something she cannot describe, she says she is tormented by it and that she has never felt pain like it before.

My heart goes out to you.

Sheila x

Thank you. Its all just so hard isn’t it? X

Yes, it is hard, losing a loved one is the most horrendous thing anyone can go through because it is knowing you will never, ever see them again and that is soul destroying, your whole body hurts from the pain.

I have heard friends say, when a member of their family moves away from them, it is hard not being able to see them, but I think they should think themselves lucky, because they can see them again, they can talk to them again, but when someone you love dies, that is it, you can’t talk to them or see them ever again and sometimes I do not know how I have got through these past 3.1/2 years since my husband died.

I hope and pray you have people you love who can support you through this tragedy.

Please look after yourself because you will need all the strength you can get over the coming months and years. They say there is no-one stronger than a mother grieving for her child.

Love

Sheila x

Thank you Sheila. I am surrounded by loving family and friends - my husband is obviously devastated too. We also have two other sons - 21 years old and 6 years old. All of us are struggling or hurting in our own way but we are blessed to have so many people offering their support. It will take time I know. The pain which hurts like nothing I’ve ever felt - even with the death of both my parents - will hopefully lessen over time. But for now all I can do is think about my darling son and wonder why this had to happen.

Catherine x

I am very sorry to hear of such tragic things. You are a wonderful person and I am sorry these things happen to nice people. I do hope in time the pain will lessen and I do hope you have as much support as you need.
x

Thank you x

My son was 17 when he died suddenly almost 3 years ago. He too had been experimenting with drugs , but that wasn’t what caused his death , any more than in your son’s case . Many teenagers experiment with drugs at that age . Some I imagine go on to become addicts but my feeling is that the vast majority do not . Neither of us knows whether our sons would have become addicted in later life but I would urge you to treat with a great deal of caution the description of him as an addict by his friend, who I assume was the same age as your son. Try not dwell on it if you can . Its still incredibly early days and what has happened will be with you for ever, as I know it will be for me, but it does get slightly easier to cope as time passes . I won’t ever forget Nick , he did things I didn’t want him to do but that doesn’t change anything ; he was and is my son, and I love him more than words can say .Paul

Few of us are really the people inside that we choose to show to the world. We all have our secrets, our daemons and our issues. I suspect that, if you ask yourself, “are there things about me that I never told my son, things that I would be embarrassed, maybe even ashamed about?” there will be things you would choose to not share or reveal. Your son was at an age when he was discovering himself and his place in this world, he made mistakes just as his friends are no doubt doing and you probably did when you were his age. I very much doubt that he was a “drug addict”, like many of his peers he no doubt experimented, most of them do. Had he not been so tragically taken away from you he would probably have come to realise that he was taking a wrong path and, also like most of his peers, would have changed, become a responsible adult and, in time, a loving parent like you. Remember him for what he was, grieve for what he never had the chance to become but don’t freeze his memory in a tragic snapshot. Remember him at his best; your “beautiful boy”.

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