I still burst into tears whenever. It simply does not go away. I sometimes dream him. We only spoke once. Just a few words. Is it normal to grief after all these years?
Dear Tania, what is normal? I really have no idea. I think we will grieve for the rest of our lives. Itâs been two and a half years since I lost my wonderful husband and I live with my grief every single minute and I canât imagine it ever leaving me. I donât want it to. Thereâs another lovely lady on this forum, Sheila, itâs been five years for her and she too is still very much grieving, so I guess there is no time limit on grief. I think itâs acceptance which allows us to carry on with our daily lives but there is always sadness, a sadness which will never leave us. I also think that the deeper the love, the deeper the grief. The ball in the box analogy describes grief rather well, I think. At your stage, even mine, the ball is smaller and doesnât hit the pain button quite so often but when it does⌠The pain is as strong as ever, it hurts, physically, emotionally and even mentally.
I canât answer your question Tania but I will say that the way youâre feeling is certainly not abnormal. Sending you love and understanding xx
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Kate, you re so not Crazy_Kate! Thank you! Blessings over you heart! 
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My Mum in law lost her husband 24 years ago and never recovered from his death.She is now 85,nearly blind and suffering from Alzheimerâs and is in a nursing home.She misses him as much now as she did in 1996.
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Hi Tania, I have recently spoken to women who lost their husbands over twenty years ago and still have a tear when they think of their men. They both told me you learn to live with the loss, lead a full life but will never forget. Neither, ever re-married although only in their forties when they suffered their loss.
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Oh, I completely understand her. 
I am 43 now. We were not married. I tried to be with someone, but I couldn t make it. I just miss him a lot. I am ok with me being not with someone, I find it natural⌠I just miss him terrebly. Thank you for your words and attention.
I canât imagine being with anyone but Clive although, as Iâm 56 now, I dont think itâs really going to be a problem I have to deal with! Itâs been just over 2 years and the pain has softened slightly but never really goes away, itâs a constant part of my life.
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I can remember my first visit to this site after losing my husband suddenly and relatively young. I found it hard to read of the pain still experienced after years of losing a partner. But now, nearly 2 years on, I do understand that when you lose someone that was part of your being, that pain will never go, but it becomes something you can understand and accept. The box is the most accurate way to describe that pain. Iâd like to share the final words in my eulogy to my husband after reflecting on a life together from the age of 16 & 19.
âOur life indeed travelled that road we wished for, our silver, pearl and ruby wedding anniversaries all celebrated with time to reflect how connected our hearts were.
We shared a love for music, had many nights listening to our favourites into the wee sma hours.
My journey has not ended yet, I have a road to follow, but I know I will reunite with my perfect man at the endâ
Those words have helped me more than I could ever have imagined. I have so much to be thankful for and realised that itâs not the time you lost, but the time you had thatâs important 
I donât walk that road alone, he remains here in my heart, still part of me.
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SanW, thank you. I have been trying for years to talk about this pain. Though life went on and had some marvelous events, I guess this is my life. I am both happy and sad. Your words are soothing my heart, and you are right to say the things you said. Thank you.
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We were not married either. I have cats and dogs and some good friends. The pain is still alive, after all this time. He was almost 37 when he became unseen (I really can t say âwhen he diedâ). When I turned 38 I felt overwhelmed when I realised I became older than him, so to say. I try to keep his memory, not the pain as a part of my life, but I still feel the pain vividly. God helps, sometimes I forget, the memory mechanism recreates the past and then I only remember the joy I felt being around him.
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One day I was watching tv, some music, and I was wondeing what would he tell me if he could. The next song that went on was George Michael s âYou have been lovedâ. Ravashing. My beloved died in a crash car, he was a passanger, it was not his fault. Day by day, time moves on. I have no doubt I see him again. Still, just like those lyrics of another song: âbut watching stars without you, my soul cries.â
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Dear SanW, what a great post, thank you. Your last paragraph is positive and we need some positivity in this sad journey.
Tania, I like how you say âbecame unseenâ. I have often said that my husband may have died but heâs not dead. Perhaps in future I shall refer to him as unseen as I am wrapped in his love 
.
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We all are!
Thank you, Jill! It is very obsvious I won t recover either. It scares me that I am not scared of living with this constant pain and sorrow.
Sheila darling,
I understand ypur feelings very well.
When mybmother died I was there, and just before she passed away, she opend her eyes, widely, and she smiled while saying âHubby, hubbyâ. Then I knew she met my father who came for her. Those were her last words before she went to the unseen world. This comforts me much, I am certain they met. So would we. All o us.
Take care, be safe, Heaven help us.
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