Hi to all new to the forum as up to now I have tried to do it by myself, I can’t. Talking to family and friends has helped but trying to put into words the utter numbness that has entered my body scares me. I have had 6 deaths in a year 2 friends and 4 family including my dad in Feb and then my wonderful husband of 25years at the end of March, To the outside world I am ‘getting better’ and I am but the night is filled with silence that sometimes feels so overwhelming! I will never move on but I want to move forward joining this forum and getting a new furry friend has helped.
Six deaths in a year! My goodness, I’m so sorry. One is enough to cope with. It is scary to put into words what you feel. Some of us have an ability to write others not. But feelings and emotions need to be expressed, and what better place than here where we all know how you feel.
Sometimes one short sentence can express emotions better than long words.
The silence is indeed so difficult to bear. Just a movement or a clink of cups was something that showed someone was about.
So many complain of that awful numbness the seems to accompany grief. It’s as if our minds close down and although we go through the motions and people think we are doing well we are not.
Grief is a process that is natural and needs to be gone through. ‘Going it alone’ is not advisable, especially when there are so many places that can help.
Yes, whatever you call it trying to move forward gives hope. At first the movement is almost imperceptible, and emotions go up and down so rapidly. But gradually the downs get less down and the ups last a bit longer. That is my experience.
I will never forget. None of us will, But someone I talk to said it was ‘a new normality’ we are in’. I like that. The old normality is gone never to return, but something new can come from this awful pain, if we allow it to.
I cherish my very faint light in the distance because it gives me hope. So do your best, it’s all we can do.
I never say never because none of us knows what the future holds. Never is too final. If you look at the posts on the site you will find how others cope and the love and understanding is amazing. Now take care. Blessings.
Dear Jonathan thank you for your knowledge and kind words, at first I was afraid of the numbness thawing , slowly it has started and I have decided instead of being scared I would embrace it and I realised that far from being alone, people are and have been thru all/some of the emotions that I am experiencing and that they could help me step forward. I have decided that instead of mourning my hubby and family/friends I have decided to be thankful for the time I had with them. The dark days are still here but are now shades of grey and like you I am looking for the glimmer of light and moving towards it . Take care.
May I say that I feel you have the right attitude. Yes, thankful for the time we had with them, for the love they gave us and the companionship and understanding. It’s right to mourn and grieve.Of course it is because it’s natural process.
‘Shades of grey’. Exactly. Light always follows darkness and the darkest night can be just before the dawn. Your attitude gives you hope, but not only that because this is a site where people come for help, and your post can uplift many.
Good luck to you.
Thank you, if I lay down and die I wouldn’t be the woman my hubby helped me grow in to. he wasn’t perfect but he was perfect for me and he taught me and visa versa many life lessons that you have might take two steps back and one step forward you will eventually get somewhere! Hubby was very brave and magnanimous facing death I will be the same in facing my grief to do anything less would be a disservice to his memory. Good days I move forward bad days I lay down and wait for it to pass. X
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I have just written something entitled: Will the yearning never end… I lost my husband recently and my mum not long ago too. I don’t think you ever get over the grief. I think you just have to try to live round it and hope that your life together all becomes a positive memory. We have no option but to go on and hopefully by degrees our lives will take on other focuses that will help. It is sometimes unbearably hard though…
Hi Mrsmap
I agree, I have lost five people in the last 6 months inc my Dad and my hubby, my grief for my Dad was bad but the grief for my hubby almost swallowed me up but both were strong men and made me into a survivor and a fighter n that’s what you have to do isn’t it , x
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Silverlady…
…when i was in my late teens-early 20’s, unsure which, my father too lost three family members one after the other within two or three months…One even died upstairs in our bed as he had come down from the Midlands for the one before hims funeral…then it was his funeral we went to…The one before had gotten killed when crossing the road in front of the cemetery of all places, he was just a few yards from his house…it was his funeral my uncle had come down to who was found dead upstairs in our bed…
i shall hold you in my prayers as you deal with your five losses…
Jackie…