I lost my lovely mum in February, which was a bit of shock to be honest. It was out of the blue. My husband and I lived and cared for my mum in the family home which was a local authority. After my mum passed I wrote to the LA and advised of our situation, which included my husbands ill health and several losses of family members. Fortunately the LA have been compassionate and we have been able to stay here temporarily. I have now been granted my mum’s tenancy, but would have to move to a 1 bedroom property which could be anywhere in our borough.
We have decided to move out of our area, as we do not want to be put in the position of living in a potential dodgy area. However we are now in the process of moving. Transporting our stuff to the our next home and coming back and forth. Since Friday I have been braking down in tears and feel like I dont want to go on as the thought of leaving my mum and dads home breaks my heart. I am so torn as I know I cannot stay here in the house but the thought of a new beginning somewhere else is devastating. Does anyone have any idea what I can do to cope with this transition whilst I am grieving.
Thank you so much for sharing this with the community I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I just wanted to let you know that you have been heard and you are not alone.
Shelly.
I totally get how upsetting this is for you. Moving belongings and letting go of the home you shared with so many memories.
Although i cant offer any advice. I have been moving my stuff from my home after the loss of my son and relationship breakdown. I have really struggled as realistically, due to downsizing, i have had to let go of a lot of things that belonged to my life before.
I have had to take it a step at a time. It is so draining. I am hopeful that in the future i will have more space from the constant reminders. In addition i no longer wish to live in the same area, when you bump into people and then make small talk with other families that know of my tradegy. So in this sense i see it as another beginning for me.
I hope that you settle in your new home and feel a sense of more security and stability.
Take care Lynne xx
I think its totally understandable that youre finding it upsetting - if this was your family home AND the place you associate with your Mum, then youre going through almost a double grieving process. It can be difficult for anyone to leave a family home that holds so many memories, and then on top of that its the place you feel close to Mum, so having to leave that place behind can feel like youre having to 'let go" of her once more. Plus moving to somewhere new can hold fear of the unknown, especially if you didnt really want to move in the first place.
I am currently staying in my mums home - she died 7 weeks ago and i lived here and cared for her the last year of her life. And we spent the last 15 years helping my mum turn this into her home when she moved here after my Dad died. So i feel closest to her here and everything here holds happy memories. So i cant bear the thought of leaving here and returning to my own home - im dreading having to sell the place in the months to come. I will feel like its another step away from her.
I dont have any clever solutions im afraid, but your memories of the house and your Mum you can carry in your head and heart WHEREVER you move to. They dont just exist in that house - they live in YOU And hopefully you are able to take some items from the house that remind you of Mum?
When we moved out of our first family home i wrote in a journal all the positive memories i was grateful for and i went through each room in turn (and the garden!)
My own house has no real memories of my mum as she was too poorly to visit, so I think im going to take some of her items and set up an area/corner that i can use as “her” spot, so that i feel ive brought her with me rather than leaving her behind.
Im not sure any of this is much help to you, but just to say i do understand! It will take a while before your new place feels like home so just take it one day at a time x
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I just wanted to let you know that you have been heard and you are not alone.