Moving home

Has anybody moved home after the loss of a partner ?
I must admit it was one of my first thoughts

I has been thinking leaving everything behind and go to somewhere far away no one knows me. Or sell everything go travelling alone the rest of my life perhaps my sorrows will be relieved. But I’ve got a teenage daughter. So I keep on working, plodding through the days, filled them with chores and duties, to keep my sanity.
That’s my way of going 1 day at a time.

Hi Dotty 666. Yes I had to move home after I lost peter I was a big thing to have to do as had lived there for 32yrs all our married life and where we brought up our children I have moved to a smaller place in an area I don’t know well people here aren’t very friendly. Its quite near to my kids and grandkids but don’t see much of them as they are getting on with there lives unlike me.

Hi girls
I moved home after 2 years of Jack’s death
Jack and I had talked about moving closer to one of our daughters in the future - then a house just across the road from my daughter’s house come up for sale so I hit the bullet and moved to the new place 7 months ago

It is odd !
I was expecting to be more part of my daughter’s life - but I know if you asked her , she would say she sees me nearly every day
If anything I feel lonelier here because I miss the old house/ neighbours/ and area
Was it the right thing to do?
I must say that on the first 8 weeks here I felt like repacking everything and go back
Saying all this I think in the ling term is the right thing. If I get ill there are people close by, I do see my grandchildren more often , I like my new house

I think I was naive thinking I wouldn’t have adjustment challenges

All I can say is that you move when/if you feel is right for you
As you move accept that is going to be challenging and stressful ( I was caught by surprise on this one ) , recognise that your need and desire for company is not the same as your kids and as it is always said their life goes on with exciting and new things happening while our lives moves on but we are different people with a huge void within us

Hope it has helped and that I didn’t sound to pessimistic

Lots of love
Sadie xx

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I was going to move from midlands to down south to be closer to family for support and I had no one here apart from friends, however myself and my 13 year old decided that we would stay put, and it’s the best decision I’ve made. You have to do what’s right for you, everyone will give you advice but the one thing I’ve learnt is, this is your life and you have to live it x

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The only advice I can give is to sit on it for at least a year, don’t be to hasty as there is no turning back to the same home you would be giving up. Only you can decide what is best for you. I personally was hell bent on moving but my God I’m glad I didn’t. It’s each to their own, Good luck whatever you decide, .B

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Bristles - you know - sometimes I wander if I was right by moving!! You just to know
Like everything decision in life you only know if it is right or wrong once you decide it
Sadie x

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Dear Sadie

It’s like the old saying “one is always wiser after the event”

It is so difficult to make decisions when one is so grief-stricken, we are all human and regrets sometimes pop up after events but one must try not to dwell on them, I’ve had my fair share.

B x

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Hi all x I lost my husband in November 2020. My initial instinct was to stay put and breath every memory. We had lived there a year when he was taken. However, things were taken out of my hands and In had to make big decisions. I bought a chalet on a residential park home site. I have been here 11 days. Right now, I have no regrets as it’s a good decision but I feel more bereft right now … I’ve been so busy… daily gardening, supervising workers who are working on my forever home, moving windows, cladding, electrics, fitted kitchen… problems with phone line… the list goes on…it’s a new project and it’s taken 11.days for me.to fall.to the ground and.hit an almighty grief wave x But… I will carry my quirky fab gorgeous husband with me throughout every waking and sleeping moment of my life and.I will keep stepping forward… working towards living my best life… I promised him x There is no easy answer but I have done it now and I intend.to make.the best of it. Without him I.am.lost. I miss hearing his voice, the banter, his cheeky ways. I miss touching him, the back of his.neck… I miss hugs and our crazy decisions to just do something different …
I miss him playing guitar, I miss his smile his laughter… he is my.facourite person ever x x Our hearts will continue to break where ever.we.are but we.have to.keep.moving. Always make the decision that is best for you and if you have a choice, why rush… do things when the time is.righr x All my love x x

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Thete is a saying that when you loose your life partner you should not think about moving for at least 2 yrs.
When I lost my Ron I could not stay in our house at all. I was out day and night and I hated the loneliness when I stepped back in my home because it was not a home any more without him. Then lockdown came and gradually I got used to being inside and it became my safe haven. Now I just love coming home even though I still cry and have black days.
If you are thinking of moving please give yourself time to think. Grief messes with your head and you do things you would previously never have thought of.
Good luck in whatever you decide to do.x

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I think I wanted to leave the pain and bad memories behind
I nursed my husband for 6 months with an aggressive cancer in this flat
I can’t bring myself to go in the spare room where he was
The room is full of he’s things also boxes and boxes of medication which no one has called to collect
I have decided to stay here for the time being
At the end of the day I won’t ever beable to forget the awful time he was poorly
Even now it tortures me thinking what I could have done to save him
Marie x

All my life I’ve trying hard to make my wife happy. It’s heartbreaking to see her suffer. The flash back in my head is terrible.
Don’t blame yourself too much as what we could do was very limited.

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@Dotty666

I have moved after the sudden death of my partner, the packing was excruciating. I’m glad I moved though. It was very sad to go to places where we made many good memories in recent years, and it will be equally sad not being able to share new experiences with your loved one, you just can’t win either way but at least your mind got some new stimuli.

Take care xxx

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Hi Dotty. When I found out that my Ron had pancreatic cancer I was in a complete shock. I had never known what it was or how bad until a work colleague got it and said he had been given five years. He had the Whipple operation but Ron couldn’t as the tumour was wrapped around a main artery. I kept the truth away from my husband for 17 months. We never asked for a prognosis and I was always stuck to my computer looking for new treatments and information. I even sourced Cannabis for him because I knew it could reduce tumours but it was all in vain.
You did what you could for your husband and you should not feel guilty. What happened is beyond your control. I even agreed for Ron to go ahead with an operation that costs thousands in USA but which he was offered free on the NH. It was that operation that led to a big deterioration. He passed away 5 months later. But when you are forced with life or death decisions you have to make a choice and ours was the wrong one. So please don’t beat yourself up. You did your best and that is all you could do. X

C

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Angie
I’m so so sorry for your loss
You have had a terrible time
I was the same trying to find out about Every thing I could I got the cannabis oil too it didn’t do anything
We didn’t get a prognosis either
But looking up on the internet I read to my horror that he’s cancer gastric cancer was aggressive and sadly people did within 6 months I too didn’t say anything to my husband but in my head I was counting down the days
I was really trying my best to get him abit stronger so we could spend abit more time with our grandson who he adored
Thinking back now I think he had been given a prognosis but didn’t tell me
The medical team were very vague with me about everything
I think he was trying to protect me and let me have hope not in a nasty way
When my soul mate passed was 6 months to the day he got diagnosed
Cancer is such an evil cruel disease
I’m heartbroken and always will be
I have the funeral next Thursday I hope I can cope at least a little bit it’s what he would have wanted
You take care and try to stay strong
Marie x

Oh Gosh, it’s all.so heart breaking x My fave died 10.5 weeks after we married. We had no idea of the cancer. We.didnt.get.to.Oncology. The urologist told us it was terminal, I took him to hospital 6 days before, to Sign for. As liver biopsy. It was very clear then how.ill he was, he deteriorated so.quickly and within 13 days, he was gone.

To say that it was a devastating shock does not touch the sides…Trauma, shock, the speed was too much. We.were.both in shock.

However, so many on here have lost partners.suddenly… how does the mind and body cope.with that?

We are in a hard place.
We are all.so.different. I have not moved so. that I forget. It’s pure practicalities … he is in my heart, my mind, I carry him here. They are never gone, we carry them.within.

It goes.without saying, we are.all.devastated…without a doubt x

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Hi Jen
Sorry for your loss
I was torn about moving as I have 2 kids where I live and one about 30 mins from me
My daughter who lives there has my grandson and is pregnant

So I thought maybe I could fill my time with grandkids
But then I thought they do have there own life’s with work and school
I looked for houses to rent there but there was nothing close to her
So would be still 20 mins from her

I don’t do well with strangers my worse nightmare been on my own
I suffer from a mental illness so that situation woudnt be good

So I still want to move but in the same area

It would be hard moving as Ian had s lot of stuff

So we will just have to see

Thank You for your reply

Take care
Marie x

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