Hi everyone my name is kerry and I lost my mum to cancer on 30th November 2021.
How is everyone coping after losing someone so close to them. I’m finding it hard adjusting to life with my mum but I have good and bad day (mainly good days)
But it’s still early days and I hope it gets better in the future
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Hallo Kerry
Thank you for reaching out and contacting Sue Ryder. You will find many people on here who are struggling like you at times, it is a good place to share feelings without judgement and perhaps find much needed comfort.
That you are having some good days is reassuring, but grief takes us by surprise sometimes doesn’t it? When you have a down day just let us know.
Thinking of you,
Miche24
Hi,
I’m sorry you lost your mum.
I lost mine suddenly 6 weeks ago yesterday. It’s still very raw and fresh. I can control the crying a bit better now but I think Mother’s Day set me back more than I thought it would. I thought I’d be distracted by my own children I suppose. It’s been hard as you know. I just go hour by hour and if I lose it and cry then I just let it happen. It’s still so early and my emotions are a bit all over and I think I’m probably still in shock to be honest. Sorry rubbish advice bur seeing you have more good days gives me some hope.
Nic xx
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Dear Nic
Sorry you are suffering so much. It’s such early days for you having lost your mum. Let’s face it, you are doing the best you can in the face of shattering grief, it really is tough. But it sounds as though you do have that inner strength to get you through to a place where you can cope on a day to day basis. And you are kind too, thinking of someone else as they reach out to express their pain. I wish you all the best in the future and am glad this site is helping.
Miche24
So sad for your loss @Kerry24
I lost my Mum suddenly on 14 March. The next few weeks went by in a whirlwind and her funeral is done and now I’m back at work. In truth I don’t feel ready to be back at work but I’d used up all my bereavement leave and was eating into annual leave. I thought being back in work might help.
I’ve had good days and bad days. Right now I’m just missing my Mum so much.
Everyone goes through grief in different ways but you are not alone.
Hi…I’m sorry for your loss…I lost my mum at Christmas and had to go sick from work…cared for her for about 18mnths with dementia which was really hard and watched her die over 2 days and planned to lay her to rest but then my husband got COVID so that knocked me back and finding it hard going back to work…I just can’t get over that mum has gone …I look at her photos and see her sming face it just breaks me …so hard.
Sorry smiling face,my eyes are filling up typing this sorry x
@Brynnydog I too have lost my Mum, she was diagnosed with leukemia in November, died in March. I left work to care for her which I do feel honoured to have been able to do. Like you just looking at her photos and seeing how happy she was and how much she loved life pains me so much. Sending love xx
Hi @Katie1987 I can relate. I made a photo tribute set to music for my mum’s funeral. I watch if several times each day and it’s hard not to get emotional. We have to remind ourselves the reason we feel so bad is because someone so special has been taken from us Next time you look at the photos and see how happy your mum was, remember- all we can hope for in this life is to be loved. And from what you’ve said your mum was truly loved by you. Although the pain is immense hold onto that positive thought.
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Thankyou @Ryan82 yes she was amazing. We certainly where very lucky with our Mums. You seem like such a thoughtful son and so wise. Thanks for your reply.
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Hi,
I lost my Dad in December 2021, around 3 weeks after he had received a sudden terminal diagnosis (he was only 65). I fought so hard to get him home where he was happy and I was by his side right until the end. I arranged everything by myself when Dad died… I found that you just seem to get caught up in the practicalities. Once the funeral was over, I just felt lost, emotional and experienced exhaustion on a level I didn’t think was possible. My Dad and I had such a strong bond since day 1… I think of him all the time and I still get upset every single day when I’m on my own. They say it gets easier with time but I don’t believe that… in a weird way I’m currently finding that the more time passes by, the harder it feels. I’m learning that its more about trying to find a way to live with that pain and telling myself to carry on living my life like my Dad would want me to. I love talking about my Dad and our memories together, and I listen to music all the time that reminds me of him… it brings me a lot of comfort. People deal with grief differently I guess, but most importantly you have got to take care of yourself and do whatever helps you get through each day x
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@Poppy4 so sorry for the loss of your Dad. I agree at the beginning you are busy sorting and arranging but after the funeral I felt worse too. Like you said as the days have gone on it gets more and more difficult, little things trigger such sadness. Sending love.
Hi, I lost my mum to cancer in October 2020. It was unexpected and none of the family were prepared. I feel lost most days and quite down. I’ve found work has helped me alot in keeping my busy but out of work I struggle. I dont like the phrase moving onbut unfortunately our lives don’t stop we have no choice to carry on. I can’t really give you much advice as I need help. But keep on going and be strong and I’m sure this chat community can help us all.
Dear Adam
I’m glad to welcome you on here, and hope it will bring you some much needed comfort. It’s not easy to express deep and painful feelings at first but the people on here are amazing and so understanding. By reading their stories too, maybe it will give you the strength you need to deal with your loss.
Our thoughts are with you,
Miche24
Hi everyone, not been on in a while, lost my lovely Mum back in 2019 (27/12/19), and stil still struggling with my loss. Pandemic aside, first year knew would be hard (first of everything), second year well let’s just say that l believe that l have gone through every emotion out there, the ones you expect and the ones you don’t…still get angry at all the things my Mum is missing out on, never got to meet her first great grandson and now, in a few day, their second (a girl) is due and those angry thoughts just come right back up and l find it hard to be around them - first with their grief and the reminder that she isn’t physically here to enjoy them. I say physically because l believe in the Spiritualist view that when you pass your energy/soul/spirit whatever you wish to call it is there, popping in from time to time to see how you are…so never really leaving your side…and then there are the physical signs, photos, keepsakes, anything l hung on to for personnel reasons. The hardest thing at the moment is that l’m stuck, can’t move forward, no real interest in anything outside of work and health, have few close friends who are there for me but not immediate family, no, they’ve decided l’m too much and they can’t deal with me as l am, okay…tempted to rant about that but not gonna…feel very alone, empty and numb - do feel at times as though l’m taking a few steps forward them several more back, maybe grief has got a hold of me, it’s been there for the last 2 1/2 years so not leaving me any time soon…not helping that l’m currently off work recovering from gallbladder surgery and not due to go back until early July and my head just wanders…do have a kinda grief journal - basically l just go in there and vent about whatever’s in my head at the time…Miss my Mum so much and l don’t know who l am without her, she was the one who was always there, my rock throughout even when l became her carer she still worried about me, the only person who actually thought about me…she used to try to get me to think about myself but she always came first…it was always me and Mum…thanks for listening/reading x
Hi …I’m sorry to hear about your loss,I lost my mum 18/12/21 so a few months ago…it’s been hard and I’m due back at work nxt wk onwards and just dreading it really am…laid mum to rest a few wks ago and wonder do I really want to go back to work or not?looking at mums things makes me sad and happy at times and think to myself mum was taken quickly after being diagnosed with vascular dementia and yes it was awful seeing her deteriate and tried helping her as much as I could but things went downhill really …
Dear Lynne
I was sorry to read your post about trying to navigate your grief and finding no answers just anger. Unfortunately it seems to be part of the process. You say you are a Spiritualist, and believe our loved ones are close by and watching over us. Is there someone at your group or church who could offer you support?
Your anger isn’t helping you; your mum would be celebrating her two great grandchildren with you if she was here, remember they carry part of her within them - the genes and character you loved so much. Make the most of every moment with your family if you can.
My heart goes out to you and if you need more professional support then do try our online grief counselling. Meanwhile, I’m sure others will reach out to you on here.
Thinking of you with love,
Miche24