I feel sometimes left behind like in the play ‘the last train’ which was centered on the last refugee train to leave Germany at the start of the war, as all the other members of my own family are out of the batting and back in the pavilion. we are all in the same boat, facing life changing events for which there is no instruction manual and having to make the best of a bad job, it was 22 weeks yesterday since my mother passed and I am still getting used to being alone, I am busying myself with various projects around the house and have fitted a solar power system and turned the box room into a work shop, I still have to complete the installation of the walk in bath in the bath room(intended for my mother to use) and its looking like a monument while I am constructing a snug at the east end of the lounge using the rest of it as a combined mausoleum, gymnasium and library (mothers ashes are there in a casket on a wall memorial to my family) on balance I am probably adjusting fairly well all things considered but I have an uneasy feeling a crisis is looming (it was the same before the pandemic struck, a feeling of something bad coming in at very high speed below the horizon, I am slightly clairvoyant. it might be Putin throwing a nuke in Ukraine?) in short I am progressing with on going and un finished chapters associated with the death of my mother and while I have made progress there is still a long way to go and I have not yet really come to terms with my situation, that will take longer and I have to give my self more time, I think I am doing all the right things but not necessarily in the right order (Morecambe and wise finest hour) any one any ideas please?.
Hi @tim007 ,
Thank you so much for sharing this with the community 
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I just wanted to let you know that you have been heard and you are not alone.
Take good care,
Alex
Hi,
I just wanted to say you are not alone, I think a lot of people feel left behind after the funeral is over, it’s like everyone else seems to just get on with their lives. My mom passed away 2 years ago, during COVID, so we cared for her at home, when she became bedridden they called in care nurses, but when mom passed, it’s like everyone disappeared, we went from so many people coming in & out every day it was like being in Piccadilly station, to nothing, just nothing. I think everyone feels in shock after the passing of someone they were so close to, there’s no time limit to this “in shock period”, I’m only just coming out of it, 2 years on. Sadly my dad is an alcoholic, so I’m on my guard all the time, I only really get time to stop & think if I make time.
Keeping busy helps to block the thinking, but everyone grieves in there own way, remember to take time for yourself, even if it’s just going for a walk, or a coffee & cake. Sending hugs of support.
Hi, I’d say, don’t overthink it… you’re grieving, it’s hard and just keep going, everyday. That’s what I try to do. My Mum died unexpectedly in January and I still have days that are ‘wasted’ with sadness and inactivity. I’m the Executor of her will and the sadmin with all the annoying details (mainly the DWP trying to see if they can claw back Mum’s pension credit 
) is an emotional burden. But I am ever hopeful that this time will pass so I try to focus on the positive. I think it’s good to share how you feel so make sure you find some way of doing that. Best wishes as you navigate through this…xx
Hi and thanks for your reply, sounds bad about your mums pension credit and I am not sure how that works, I always thought the pension lasted until the death of the recipient but to demand money back?, I think you need to see an expert, perhaps your solicitor dealing with the probate can help?, you lost your mother around the same time as me and I suppose I am lucky to have a house to be alone in, probate is still hanging over my head and until that is concluded I will feel in purgatory, wonder if are mothers are there know?,according to Quinn (the world renown clairvoyant who happens to live in Southport) my mother is back with her husband who passed on the 1st december 2008 together with my past twin brother and he came through in the reading more strongly then any other name, it did not stop my grief but it gave me a sense of closure and there is more after this life, I can sense my mothers presence in the house, I know that sounds strange and I cannot explain that.thanks for your reply and I hope things work out for you as well.
Thankyou Alex, I suppose I am lucky to have a house to be alone in, some people face homelessness in my situation to add to the stress and grief, I am very fortunate in that I have the security of a house and do not need to take in lodgers, when you have suffered terrible loss it makes you more grateful for what you have, my mother dying in my arms the way she did is about as stressful as it gets and I am under a mental health nurse suffering a form of battle field trauma,it is a condition caused by extreme stress not essentially connected with fighting and killing(I have come with in half a second of killing a street thug and I would have done it to had he not surrendered) that sort of experience marks you, I have been in a lot of situations that most serving in the forces have not faced, they say what doesn’t destroy you makes you stronger,I put it down to the rich tapestry of life.
Hi Panda Princess, thankyou for your reply and sorry about your loss, two years on you still feel it, we never get over a real bereathment, we just get used to it, what struck me was that despite my mothers grate age and that she had influenced so many people in her life the only person really greaving for her at the end was me, all the others have already gone and I feel like the last green bottle standing on the wall, such is life and death, bless you
Hi, I guess if there’s an afterlife it does offer some comfort to all of us grieving. The whole DWP clawback kicks in after probate is granted would you believe… Just when I thought another thing was ticked off the list! Pension credit, because it’s extra to state pension is regarded as an income benefit so even after death they want to check eligibility. It all seems very odd to me as surely they must have checks in place during the application process. I’m currently having to check my mother’s empty house and do the garden while it’s being sold. I find it really hard to visit because her absence is so painful. I’m sure it must be so hard to try and adapt to your loss when you’ve shared a home. Don’t put any expectations on yourself, just keep going. Take care xx
surely if your mother was eligible for pension credits then there is nothing to pay unless she was paid in error?, my mother had additional pension through her husbands work pension(he worked for the courts and had an additional pension through occupation) but there is no question of a claim on that or on the attendance allowance she laterly received through the DWP so I am puzzled as to why they should be making a claim in respect of your late mother?, try citizens advise if your solicitor cannot help, keep going and good luck, do not ware yourself out struggling with the garden in the heat,